by OneStepOut93 17 Replies latest jw experiences
Never did any of this.
I was disappointed to see those with 'privileges(TM)' that got away with stuff the R&F wouldn't.
There was more than one BOE that I observed that were basically all family and they protected/defended each other.
I now know why...........it's a man made cult. Waiting on Jehovah(TM) never accomplished a thing!
The hardest thing was sitting in a car with 3 sisters (sometimes a brother) and it would be "did you hear what so and so did" then discuss the details with the excuse to help them later...never happened. I finally said things like, I don't want to talk about this now, it's not upbuilding and it smacks of gossip...miss priss was a name I was called. I finally stopped going in those car groups and taking my own car and another sister who was tired of the gossip. The worst were the ones who made stuff up and passed it on.
I even had 2 elders ask why I was isolating myself in service and I told him and his friend that their wives were regaling everybody in the group with the confidential info they shared with them...they didn't deny it and left me alone before I went to the CO.
Gossip takes 2 people, one to tell it and one to listen.
I was never a snooper or tattler but there were definitely two sitautions where I acted on command (as I'd been programmed) that I regret to this day.
1. Minor- A large group of teens (myself included) got together at a brother's house for a movie night. I remember our host going for the films and going through his collection sounding off whatever he came across. He picked a movie and the populous was thrilled to watch it but I, being the great big star of a witness that I was- told them that we all knew better than to watch an R-rated movie. Everyone just looked at me and gave me this look like, "who the hell invited this douche?" I was señor NO FUN.
2. Major- My best friend, who I loved as much as my younger brother, started to see a "worldly" girl and decided to keep it a secret. After a while things got serious with the gal and he decided to prudently cease his theocratic activities. Once I found out- again riding my high horse of SPIRITUAL ARROGANCE- I told him that I could no longer be his friend. His reaction still haunts me, the way his voice dropped digesting my betrayal, the silence on the other line as he sat pensive realizing everyone he cared for would be reacting the same way. After a multitude of great times, love, and respect it became zero because I had to stand for what was right. Well what was right is bull shit and I hope to one day find him to somehow atone for my betrayal.
Never a snooper or tattler but definitely an obedient drone ready to stab anyone in the back if it meant making the sovereign of the universe proud.
Well I am happy to say that I never turned anyone in for anything. It's actually one of a few of the most important things I sleep well about for all my years as a Hovah Worshiper. I think in part this never happened in all my years because I myself had realized how "flawed" I was as a JW. My flaws (mostly desires for attention from the opposite sex) was from the lack of true parental love that never came my way. They loved theHovah soooooo much but could not seem to figure out how to love each other very well at all.
I knew of a guy who is now an elder who at the time was a few years older than me when I was 16, and we would go out and fool around in "field service activity". By fool around I mean this guy was something else, I remember going with him "On The Clock" to all these incredibly pretty single sisters homes. He would always stop at the 7/11 to get a rose. I would sit out in his little beat up pickup truck for half an hour while he was doing these gals. He once told me he was "brushing the sisters hair", HA! At the time we were both regular piosneers and I did not realize what he was actually doing until years later LOL. We used to go to a "weaker brothers" house to "encourage" him and would subsequently watch R rated moves LOL, especially horror and action films while playing chess and drinking beer. We counted that time too! lol unreal...
I do have an experience where another JW decided to "Tattle" on me:
When I was about 15 years old and in high school I was asked by my parents if I was cursing at school. They said that another JW who btw I had known to be a bit of a loner wierd sort, and who also had a single and very pretty mother (someone that my piosneering friend would visit on many occasions with a rose), had gone to the PO of the congo and told him I was living a double life because he heard me curse at school. Yet he was right, I used to drop F bombs like crazy with all my bros at school, so because I was very active in aux piosneering at that time and because I was a mic handler and was giving talks and parts in assemblys and etc etc etc he wanted to expose me as a double lifer. Guess looking back I was but then I think most people were. All the guys in my congo that I hung with like to push the edge let me tell ya. We never tattled on anyone but this guy was pissed that I was getting attention for being Mr. Righteous Richard, this was from from all the stuff I was doing and he was not doing much of anything and I think he figured he'd expose this horrible person. I was actually not the kind of JW that would look at other JW's and feel critical about them, I always felt live and let live ya know, and do the best you can in this tough world we are all trying to survive through. At any rate the whole thing was dropped because I simply lied and said, well maybe I said damn or hell or something by accident but Im not perfect. Who were they going to believe, this weak tattler or Mr Righteous Richard... End of story and never another word said. But I will say this, I WAS SHOCKED that someone would "turn in" another person. It tripped me out that someone who obviously is as flawed as anyone else would feel the need to also throw someone else under the bus like that... I woke up real quick about the Snoop and Tattle thing to be sure and I began to realize the deep deep deep culture of become a better "deceiver" or as Strongs 1943 says "Hovah". Yet I began to realize that there were very few who were very righteous in their walk, mostly we were all talkin the talk...
As an elder I was a member of the firm Tattle, Snoop & Pry.
lol Glander.
I suspect this thread will be alot like the "shunning confessions" thread, where it's ALWAYS going to be hard for some to admit to having been someone who shunned others, and who realized it was fundamentally WRONG to do so, rather than as someone who wants to rationalize shunning behavior as a "show of love". There's always going to be those who feel better than others by saying, "well, I NEVER did that!"
It's the same dynamic with tattling/snoopers: of course few would see it as tattling even now, when it's always easier to rationalize it away as, "telling an elder of someone's actions so as to help them", or choose to conveniently "forget" about such incidences.
Ironic really, since the first step in growth and regaining such healthy boundaries is by admitting you had a problem, in the first place. Can't grow beyond it if you don't 'own' it.
Adam
I think one of the hardest things for me as an elder was when someone "dropped a dime" on a member of the congregation.
"I was going down Briggsmore avenue and I saw Bro.------ smoking a cig. as he went by.."
"I saw some guy leaving Sister W-----'s house at about 6 am. I think it was Bro.----- ftrom the Central cong."
and the worst catagory that I came to hate the most -
"My husband is very angry that I refuse oral sex... can I get a scriptural divorce?"
A husband and wife, after getting me in the library after the meeting, "We have been trying to stop doing (fill in the blank) but we keep doing it"
A mother with her teenage son."... he looks at the womens underwear ads in the Sears catalog and plays with himself."
etc etc etc
