Life after DF/divorce (page 2)

whathappened

I just left the organization 2 1/2 yrs ago, and people think it is admirable how I left this religion after having been in it for 56 years. People say I am brave. The opposite sex does not seem to be scared off by my cult past either. Anyone who would not want to become friends with you because of your JW past is probably not worth having in your life.

You are young, I wish I had learned ttatt at your age. Go for it and make the most of it. Life does begin at 40 you know, it's true. You have a way to go still.

Freeof1914

Again thank you all for your responses. I'm glad to have such support and also hear from others who have walked the path that I am about to embark on.

@love I will DEFINITELY follow your advice!

@ray thank you for making yourself available to chat

@jean luc - I will definitely heed your advice to not be overly open at first

@cyrus your good luck is much appreciated

@whathappened it must have taken so much courage to leave after so long I'm not sure how you did it BUT wow

LisaRose

After leaving my disfellowshipped husband and the religion (not DF, but treated as so by family), I have been happily married for 13 years. Yes, JW issues pop up from time to time, but everyone enters marriage with some baggage. Just be sure to marry wisely, not as rebellion against the organization, but because you found your soul mate. The other thing to watch out for is getting into the mindset of blaming the organization for everything that goes wrong, your future wife will get tired of that. Also, some keep blaming themselves because the got duped by a cult, at some point you have to forgive yourself, and move on. If you can avoid these issues, your chances are good.

DesirousOfChange

The other thing to watch out for is getting into the mindset of blaming the organization for everything that goes wrong, your future wife will get tired of that. Also, some keep blaming themselves because the got duped by a cult, at some point you have to forgive yourself, and move on.

Very wise advice in general, not just to selecting a new mate.

When one's life has revolved around the religion for decades, it's hard to change that thought pattern sometimes.

Doc

LisaRose

When one's life has revolved around the religion for decades, it's hard to change that thought pattern sometimes.

That is true, it is very hard. It sometimes takes a while to retrain the brain, but it is possible. Therapy is great if you can get it, I found out recently that is really hard to found one in my area, they are all booked up or not taking new patients. I find meditation to be very helpful, there are many different kinds. It takes practice and time but the rewards are great. I have been able to lower my blood pressure, and I am better able to focus. I also journal, I sit down every day and write a page, total stream of consciousness, whatever pops into my head. This is really powerful, especially for those who want to be more creative, it somehow gets rid of the junk thoughts and helps you get in touch with your creativity.

yourmomma

im 36 and just went through the divorce part. everyone is different, so what i am experiencing is just my point of view. honestly, i am having a great time, the freedom to be able to date who you want, when and how you want it amazing. and the cult past at least for me has been a positive with women. i suggest dating alot, it will help you to widen out, learn about yourself, what you like and dont like, etc. it gets WAY better, and the way i view it is that we are lucky to be free and be able to live how we want.

Magwitch

Seven years ago I filed for divorce after being married 20 years (10 of that in full time service together). I also was Df'ed. There has never, ever been one day that I regret my decision.

My advice is this...

Do not be in a hurry to get into another relationship.
Learn to enjoy being alone
When you do start dating, contrary to Watchtower beleif, you do not have to jump in bed on the first date.
There are a lot of wonderful women out there. You are no longer confined to the small JW pool of desperate sisters.
There are going to be days that you will be blue - do not self medicate.

Life outside of the JW world is beautiful - Go embrace and enjoy!!

jgnat

Never DF'd here but did go through divorce. I also spent four years with a divorce recovery group; first for help and then as a support. A period of grieving over what was lost is natural. Feel free to feel. BTW, everyone over twenty has baggage. You'll find a partner whose baggage complements yours.

Freeof1914

Thank you all for your advice. I am truly grateful to have people whom I can reach out to that have been through this, and speak from experience. I actually spoke to a therapist today for the FIRST time in my life and WOW! It was so scary and enlightening how dead on she was about my childhood experiences.

Life after DF/divorce

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