I remember one day out in field ministry I went to a door by myself because it was bitter
cold. My wife and a few others stayed in the car and we were just going to the door one
at a time because of the cold and wind. I noticed as I was going up to the door that there
was four or five vans out in the yard. This was kind of in the rural area where you see
several vehicles in yards but these vans looked like they were driveable so i wondered
what may be going on. A woman came to the side door and immediately invited me in.
I told her why I was there and she said they were beginning to start their worship service.
I looked past her and there were 9 or 10 people in the living room with guitars, banjos
and fiddles etc. They were looking at me and wanting me to join them. As I didn't really
care to go into peoples homes I didn't know, I cut my visit short. Red flags went up also
as my jwdub training alerted me that these people are crazy and I would probally be
chastised for associciating with crazy pagan unbelievers. But as years went on and it
dawned on me that things I was taught as a youth growing up in 'the truth' did not add
up and things that I thought i knew didn't even make sense when I stepped back and
looked at things. I sometimes think back about those people with the guitars and banjos.
Were they crazy or delusional or did they worship in the way that they saw fit to worship
God? Who was I to determine how someone is supposed to look and dress and express
themselves to the Creator. I know I may be off target from the original post of shallow topics
but I look at things differently now since my 57 years of indoctrination. Back when I was a kid
you didn't question this or that from the platform. What they said was how it was. I wasn't old
enough to question or wonder about anything. If a brother said something from the platform
it had to be true otherwise why would he say it. My wife knows how I feel now so she just kind
of lets it be on the not going to meetings thing. I faded mentally a long time ago. I stopped
physically going to meetings in a sudden stop a couple of months ago. I got mad everytime
I went for the last few years. I couldn't and wouldn't keep up with the latest light. I was in mental
turmoil wondering why some witnesses acted the way they do but yet were in the most loving
religion ever. People would comment with glee, it almost seemed, that billions were going to die
if they didn't do what we say. Someone has called me twice and left a message asking for my
service time. I don't answer the call ( I have caller ID ) and I don't return the call. I've had depres-
sion problems my whole life and have finally come to the conclusion that this group-think control
thing kept me wound up my entire life. My mother is a strong JW so growing up with her didn't
help. She has been in for 60+ years and has a minimal grasp of what the JW's believe but yet
she is at all the meetings. I've rambled long enough but to cut to the chase I don't let people
tell me how to feel about anything or anyone. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and went
in and at least sit in with those worshipers on that cold Saturday morning and listened to what
they had to say. I might have learned something about being humble and listening to my own
thoughts and ideas instead of being told what to believe and don't ask questions. That's what
brains are for.