Stay At Home Moms/Dads

by cognac 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  cognac

  I have a 3 and 1 year old. Hubby is a stay at home Dad and I take care of the bills. I have to, cause instead of working on his career when he was younger, he decided to pioneer- that is something that now I have to pay the price for which really sucks.

  I feel that since I pay the bills, it's his job to cook and do all of the cleaning. He has all this time to go out and do what he wants, go on Facebook all the time, etc, I don't feel like I should have to have do do any of that.

  I feel like I get taken advantaged of. When I struggle and say I need his help financially, it's like he doesn't care at all and it's not his problem. He tells me, "yup, I can get a job, but we will have to sell the house and move into a trailer".

  It's like he just doesn't care at all and I have to figure it out. Every morning I wake up, and he gets to sleep another 3 hours while I go to work. Then, I find out he spends all this time on the computer. I come home and the house is a mess.

  I'm beginning to get really bitter towards him. Am I being unrealistic?
• 

  LostGeneration

  So dude sleeps in everyday, messes around on FB when is up, and doesn't bother to clean or cook? How does he manage to keep up with a three and one year old? And doesn't even work part time?

  Sounds like you need to give him one hell of a wakeup call.
• 

  Kool Jo

  This is crazy...I think it's fair to expect him to take care of the house since you're at work.

  Kool Jo
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  cognac

  He does some cleaning and cooks sometimes.
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  DesirousOfChange

  I don't think your situation is all that unusual in today's market. Often a woman can find good employment easier than a man with no skills. Unskilled positions are evaporating or being exported.

  Yes, he is taking advantage of you. If you want to save your marriage, get counseling now. Amazing how a counselor and break the "bad news" to one of the marriage partners and they accept it, when the same "news" would cause real problems if the partner said it themselves.

  But, I know several men who have the same problem -- they complain that their stay-at-home wife spends all day on the computer or phone. Years ago it used to be watching soap operas. Now it's facebook, solitaire or whatever.

  I'd say it's time to see if Grandma won't watch them a couple days per week and put his ass to work somewhere -- anywhere -- just so he understands he needs to contribute SOMETHING to the household.

  Doc
• 

  tiki

  you need to sit down and outline responsibilities - take the bull by the horns. The kids come first - and they are in a better position when raised by a parent than by day care, so having him home is not a bad thing - but it might not be the best for him psychologically. It sounds like he is just abdicating all responsibility and acting like he's one of your kids - a teenage one. He needs to man up and be more than a good baby-sitter. He needs to do the housework, learn to cook, work around the house and even get a part-time job, just to get out of the house and keep a handle on reality. Do not become an enabler.
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  LostGeneration

  From your OP, it also sounds like you are resentful about having to work full time because of his bad decisions in the past. If you think that will always be the case, you are going to have to find another solution, because you can't carry that around for the rest of your life.

  Is he motivated at all career-wise? Or does he just see himself being the house husband forever? Caring for the kids for another five years or so until they get into school is one thing, but playing house husband for the next thirty is something completely different.
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  cognac

  Lost- you are right. I'm bitter in that I feel like I have no choice and no back up plan...
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  cognac

  Oh, and he's motivated sometimes but not a real lot... I don't know what his plan is in a few years...
• 

  DaCheech

  I hate to break this to you (after 2 whiskeys)

  My wife and I work, and we both do whatever it takes to share the load (I drop the kids off at school/pick them up, clean, and cook too)

  ???? But, it's a bitch when women been stay at home moms watching soaps all day and now there's a couple of instances where the man is slacking????