Divorced Atheist ex-JW Dad

by braincleaned 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • King Solomon
    King Solomon

    I'm tempted to say the JWs don't stand a chance with your kids, as you know how to guide them thru the questioning process: you've BEEN there. However, I remind myself that it's not ALL about logic and rational beliefs, but familial and social pressures, as well. I think you're dead-on with the soft-sell approach: let the facts speak for themselves...

    You're lucky their Mom isn't a theocratic power-house and her marriage is dysfunction (and although its not pleasant for them to see Mom in anguish, it is life; hopefully the contrast between her and you will give them motivation to not let her fate happen to them).

  • J. Hofer
    J. Hofer

    i think you're on the right track. i'm not quite in the same situation, my wife's inactive and while she still believes many things of the WT, she doesn't push the topic. my little son would grow up without indoctrination of any kind, if it wasn't for his grandparents, they never stop talking about jehovah, luckily all he got from that is that jehovah must be something on the ceiling and while he sometimes starts to pray before dinner, he thinks prayer is simply mentioning everyone's names and say thank you to mom, so that's alright so far.

    as to the JW upbringing, i know several people who say it was alright or even for the better, but i can't say that for myself. it was horrible and while it may have made me stronger in some weird way, it left me with a completely destroyed personality, low self esteem, difficulties to socialize etc. but i guess everyone reacts differently.

    all in all, kids from 100% JW households will leave the JWs by an 2:1 chance. kids in "split" households very much depend on how the non-JW handles the situation. if you go onto a crusade against JWs, their persecution complex will push the kids right into the religion. not paying too much attention to the JW stuff and instead focusing on things like critical thinking or simply normal activities like sports etc. will give the kids a good chance to not follow the cult.

  • Giordano
    Giordano

    I was a witness from age 13 to 23. A part from the easy social life it provided there was absolutely nothing of any value in any meeting I ever attended, going out in service, serving in the congregation, pioneering where the need was great, giving public talks, holding different positions. When I left and really started my life a new I was uneducated, clueless and un skilled other then in the most meaningless tasks.

    Because I was always a serious reader I quickly out grew the foolishness of the WT propaganda and left with no problems. Everyone I knew who left, and there was a lot of us in the 1960's, did not turn to other faiths nor did their children years later.

    It took my wife and I a good ten years to develop a productive life, make new friends, get some education and develop skills that allowed us to finally become self employed and totally independent.

    When I turned 50 I finally felt I was on par with my peers, that wasn't what had motivated me................. just saying.

    In all honesty the only thing I can think of where being an active witness might be helpful is if one became an Amway sales person............. if indeed they are still around.

    My advice............ make sure your kids read, set a loving example. Discourage them from getting baptized, remind them that Jesus wasn't baptized until he was thirty years old. And of course some form of continuing education.

  • braincleaned
    braincleaned

    Thank you for your experiences J. Hofer & Giordano Fortunately, both my ex and I don't encourage baptism, me for obvious reasons, and my ex because she has felt the horrid sting of being DFed. Yes, it's not all good for sure. We all react differently to that kind of controlled education. The only really thing I hated were the assemblies; those guilt-pushing conventions where you were told you were just not good enough; never doing enough. Those were always torture for me. I also refused to wear the lapel - I always hated secret handshakes, funny hats, clone dressing and anything that turns normal people into a mob, albeit a kind looking one.But like King Solomon points out, the odds for my kids to follow the cult is practically zero. However, I'm not oblivious to the fact that emotion has a factor in the sucking into the sect. But that lasts only so much - especially when enough critical thinking has been taught.

    I'm 53, and had my first child at 40. I finally came out around 46 - so my kids look at me as a little wiser it seems. My ex is 17 years younger than me, so all is not lost for her, as I know she is at a point where she realizes she may be in denial. We'll see... the kid's grandmother is a zelote though, and she is the one who helps the most, because the kids are amused by the ridiculous lengths she goes to! Nooo Pokemon, Potter, or even Scooby Doo! LOL!
    Without knowing it, she is my best ally. A charicature of the perfect JW. Kids see it, and have fun telling me about it. YES!!

  • Matsimus
    Matsimus

    Thanks for sharing your story. When it comes to evolution, I think it's easy to believe in creation if one has never learned about it. Once I started learning about evolution, I was still reading about it in WT and that old book about it. (Funny that my extended family have sent me several copies of it over the years.) As I learned more, the WT arguments seemed more and more ignorant. I laughed when they stated something like bones being no significant evidence, haha

    - Matsimus

  • braincleaned
    braincleaned

    True Matsimus! Now that I re-read the fantasy and biased description of the WT's version of Evolution, there is much to laugh about - or to cry.Going to the source, Darwin's book, has totally opened my eyes as to what he was REALLY saying about natural selection, such a beautiful and logical explanation, continuously filled with evidence.But the WTS is stuck, because no Adam & Eve = no need for the ransom sacrifice! The whole theme of the Bibles crumbles if Evolution is true (which it is). The WTS accepts now (not before) the old age of the earth - but the age of humans, they are condemned to negate for obvious reasons. What is sad, is their lies and misleading arguments about the scientific facts.

  • RayPublisher
    RayPublisher

    BTTT

    Great story from a reasonable man of science.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    I remember reading your thread a year ago.

    I am glad you have taught your children how to think.

    I am glad you are free to tell us who you are.

    I am glad you are still around for your children and for yourself and us too.

    We do not like losing any of our Friends, whether old friends, or new.

    LoisLane

  • Captain Obvious
    Captain Obvious

    With the advent of the Information Age, the odds of your children turning out to be Atheists is high regardless of what you do. You can teach your children to think, without a frontal attack on their faith. Then let the internet take care of the rest. Just make sure they don't get baptized too young... Or at all.

    The odds are in your favour. Just remember: them becoming believing adults IS a bad situation.

  • KiddingMe
    KiddingMe

    Thanks for such a great post! It's good to see the mutual respect that you and your ex have for one another in raising your children.

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