Endless Night

Frenchy

When I'm in a melancholy mood I almost always think of an old shanty (perhaps because I grew up in one) nestled on the side of a mountain (perhaps because I love the mountains so) with tall green pines jutting straight up to the sky. I think of slow, drizzling rain tapping out a melody on a tin roof while a cold wind sways the green pines. I was in one of those moods when I wrote 'Endless Night'

Endless Night

I've never seen a night so long or so quiet
As cold winds whine and labor in their fight
To traverse through bough and limb and height.
If God made the day, then the Devil made this night
-----

Tonight my memories are chasing her in my mind
And what havoc they wreak in their desperate plight
To catch her, hold her, only to find,
She has vanished, slipped away into the everlasting night
-----

Still I don't know what I did wrong,
What I should have said, should have done
I would never have guessed I could hurt so long
But then I never expected her to be gone
-----

I walk to the window and peer into the endless night
High above the tree lined horizon hangs the hunter's moon
Over tall, dark pines jutting up toward the ebony sky
A night bird calls out and my heart is filled with gloom
-----

Unbidden you came into my life and set my soul afire
Now you're gone and my soul is dark and cold
And it's another's lips that sets your heart on fire
On this cold, lonely night, it's someone else you hold
-----

I'm afraid this night will outlast the bottle of wine
Then what will I do, while I wait on the light
Of the sun breaking o'er the tall pines
To give me reprieve till the next eternal night.
-----
Frenchy

Edited by - Frenchy on 27 May 2000 9:5:56

Seven

Frenchy, Excellent! I'm afraid this night will outlast the bottle of wine. I know the feeling. So
many talented writers, singers/songwriters are natives of Louisiana and Mississippi-must be that atmosphere. ;)

7

Frenchy

Thanks, Seven. It must be the hard life, it sort of puts you close to reality! Have you ever had a night such as that? Really?

Seven

Frenchy, Yes. Really.

Frenchy

Well, then, I guess that's something else that we have in common. You're so young to have experienced such a thing. Don't dwell on it, move on and if there is something that you want to do with your life get on with it now, don't wait for something to happen. Make it happen. Like the song says: "I'd rather be sorry for something I've done than for something that I didn't do"...

Seven

Frenchy, I'm no stranger to life's negative experiences but so are many others. I don't dwell on them or spend my days wallowing in self pity. That's not how I am. It's difficult for others to comprehend but there's nothing left for me to do in life. Nothing. Nothing left to accomplish in my career except to own the corporation. I have every material thing I'd ever want or need and more money than I'll ever spend. So tell me what else is there? On the spiritual side what is there
for a sister to do in Jehovah's organization besides being some egotistical brother's punching
bag? I have many hobbies I enjoy to the fullest but somehow I'm just weary of it all.

Frenchy

Sounds like you need a purpose in life. Being single and thus free of encumbering responsibilities you are able to pursue whatever it is that you want. I want to buy a Harley and ride the countryside and talk to real people and write. I can't do it because I have an obligation to take care of someone.

What is it that you want to do? I don't know what kind of work you're in but it appears to me that the work you're involved in is not sufficient to give you the contentment that you seek. The work that I do is not what I am either. I can relate to that very well.

What do you want? What challenges you? What quickens your pulse? What is it down deep inside you that is struggling to come out?

Seven

Frenchy, There is one thing that I would find challenging. I would like to sail from North America to Australia. Quit my job, gather up some Jimmy Buffett CD's and sail off into the sunset.
I can appreciate your dream of buying a Harley. I own an 11yr old Kaw. Voyager 1200 that is a piece of junk. I couldn't give it away if I tried. LOL

Frenchy

Sailing is another thing I've never done but I plan on doing a little of it here in Texas this summer on one of the lakes here. It won't be the same as in the ocean but... I'll take what I can get! When I was young I worked offshore for a short while. I worked on an offshore supply boat (really a small ship) that took material and crew out to the drilling rigs out in the Gulf of Mexico. So I got a taste of the sea there. I loved being way out there where all you saw was blue sea all around. But I was newly married and had a baby and I needed to be home.

Later on I got into the motorcycle thing and although I haven't had one in a long time, I manage to 'bum' a ride on one now and then.

Do you get to go sailing at all now? You might want to ease into it (if you're not experienced enough) until you can make such a voyage.

I talked to an old man a while back who owns one of the paint stores that I deal with. He told me something that really made me think hard on my own life. He said that he rarely felt good. He said that when he was young he worked long and hard to build up his business so that he would have the money to travel when he got older. Now, he says, he's retired and he has the money but he no longer has the desire to do it. How sad.

So perhaps we should take some pleasures where we can. If you can't sail to Australia right now, perhaps a weekend on the Gulf coast would help. Maybe I'll get that bike and take a week off now and then and do a little touring. Some is better than nothing, isn't it?

waiting

7, all jokes aside - perhaps it's time to get a life. If you don't have children - foster, or big sister a little one - there are millions who are looking for someone. Volunteer at any place - the need is great and the feeling of accomplishment is even greater.

You have money - great - share some with some kids, buy some books or toys for a woman's shelter. Then read the books and play with the kids.

When I was little, my father was cruel beyond polite words. My aunt, a very liberal NY educated Catholic lesbian, who *really* disliked men, would breeze through our home to visit. Dad would behave when she was around. I loved her for the fresh air she brought me. She never knew the gift she gave me. Freedom from fear and laughter when she was around.

She developed early senility and was found wandering in Colorado several years ago. Never been married, her family would not help her. I flew out to see what I could do. The city had put her in a psych. hospital because they didn't know what to do with her. I flew her home with me. She had been incarcerated there for a month while her brothers and sisters refused to lift finger.

The hosp. administrator asked me where I appeared from - I arrived on Thurs. and arranged to bring her with me on Friday. They were ready to put her in a nursing home in Colorado because they couldn't house her any longer.

I told the hosp. admin. about my aunt and father and the gift she had given me. I told him that I felt obligated to return the gift of freedom to her. Then I told him (I'm so deep - rarely):

Be kind to children - you never know who might save you.

Reach out and be kind - you might save yourself and save a child who is being crushed.

Endless Night

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