Violia
I truly wish I could have that kind of faith as it seems to give my husband such great comfort, but I just cannot do it even though I truly wanted to.
I have prayed and prayed and prayed and acted on my prayers by trying to be a better child, better wife, etc. By sitting in the car for hours and hours while my husband was in elders meetings and no one would give me ride home even though we lived on their way home all they would have to do was slow down and I would have jumped out. I have gotten on my knees and pleaded with Jehovah to please help me find peace in my life, to let my dad stop screaming and abusing me when I was a kid, etc. It seemed like he always told me NO!
All I saw was the other pioneer couples having date nights together, getting new cloths and their hair and nails done, while I went to the Goodwill to get my cloths, shoped with coupons and drove our old car into the ground calling at homes where no one was home.
I tried to rationalize it away telling myself that Jehovah would reword me in the new system for all I had to give up now.
I felt that I had jumped off that cliff my husband spoke of many times it was just that I could not go without money. I just could not, not work when I was capable of working and accept food stamps and government aid when it was my choose to pioneer. We qualified for all the government aid but I would not take it. I still find it hard to believe that Jehovah wanted that but maybe he did maybe he wanted me to be on government aid.
I am blown away when I run into one of the JW's now. Like three weeks ago I ran into a JW and this sister was telling me how many people were s getting some kind of Government help, many of them had filed bankruptcy. I mean these are elders. Where is Jehovah? I know of one elder who pioneered on credit cards till he maxed them all out and then when he could not make the payments he filed bankruptcy.
Is that truly how Jehovah wants us to jump off the cliff? By screwing over others?
In the middle of the child molester scandal that was going on in the hall I had called and spoken to Bethel many time. This totally pissed off the attorney elder that was in our hall. He was by the way just a tax attorney but everyone worships the ground he walks on because he has a college education and he is a little God being an attorney in their mists. I have found out that tax attorneys are not that intelligent.
So this attorney elder flipped out that I call Bethel and spoke to an attorney there with my being just a women. I came home from work one day to hearing my husband on the phone telling this guy that I was his wife and he did not see anything wrong with my calling Bethel that was how I found out that the attorney was upset.
So I come to find out that this attorney at Bethel told me all the elders are independent agents. Who knew? When I asked for clarification on what an independent agent was this attorney told me that all the elders had clear written direction on how to deal with pedophiles and Bethel was not involved.
When I drilled this elder at Bethel about what if the child molester did indeed molest another child what would happen, he just kept repeating that the elders are independent agents, over an over and over and over.
How many elders wife's know that. I sure as hell did't. My husband went along with the body because the body insisted that the pedophile be allowed to hold the children. He said he just could not fight the 9 other elders. When it all came out because of me not being submissive enough, the elders said they had made a mistake. If it had not been for me I truly believe in my heart that these child molesters would have been appointed as MS's and elders in the future.
By the way I now clean for a couple of attorneys and they say that most attorneys try to throw their title around to scare people. That is exactly what the tax attorney elder in the hall does.
The more I know the more I am just so confused and hurt.
LITS
