Losing the battle

irondork

Love endures all things, huh? I don't think so. I think the boys at Watchtower HQ found a way around that rule. They have learned how to destroy the natural affection of those doing the shunning AND those being shunned.

I don't regret for a moment my decision to leave the JW religion. It was the right thing to do in general and the only way I could continue having respect for God in particular. I'm confident I did the right thing. But the cost is so high. I have lost all family and friends. I know this is hardly a new story on this site; it's been kicked around and analyzed from every direction. But the punishment for doing the right thing is causing me to lose my grip on the God for whom I did the thing in the first place. I find myself so angry and resentful that I sometimes wish my family would come to their senses and seek me out just so I can show them how it feels to be rejected. I have lost all affection for them and I don't want them back. I want to hurt them.

I know how ugly that is. I know it fly's in the face of "be forgiving". God didn't lash out at me when I returned to Him after a fifteen-year debauched hiatus. But I find myself entertaining thoughts of how much it will hurt those people if they ever find out they screwed up, and it puts a little smile on my face.

You're not supposed to feel that way about your own family. It's not normal. It's also probably not very Christian but there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it.

cantleave

Good Morning Irondork - It's hard losing your friends and family because you no longer agree with the teachings of this miserable cult.

It takes time, but you will establish a new life. In the meantime you mustn't let anger and bitterness eat you up, you will destroy yourself from within if you do.

Black Sheep

Don't blame yourself for the damage the Watchtower did to your relationship with your family

sizemik

Being angry and resentful is totally justified . . . and completely natural. Don't feel bad about feeling the burn.

Just be smart about how you express it. Having a damn good and productive life in spite of it all, is a great way to direct that energy. Concentrate on the things you can control and forget those things you can't. We all reap what we sow, including them . . . just plant carefully from here on, it's all you can do.

nugget

Shunning is a cruel form of punnishment and in any other setting would be considered bullying. It is no wonder you are angry and resentful you would have to be Ghandi to be calm in the face of extraordinary adversity. However remember that their actions are driven by the Watchtower organisation and without their influence this would not be happening. You have broken free from their control but your family is still under their influence and although they have some responsibility for their actions it is a diminished responsibility.

Although some anger is an appropriate response don't let it fill you up and take over your life. By looking back you are letting the organisation continue to control you and push your buttons you are letting damaged people continue to do you harm. Letting go of the anger is very liberating it robs others of power.

breakfast of champions

It might not be a bad idea to seek some professional advice on this, counseling, psychologist, whatever. Although they obviously can't solve the problem, they most likely can help you get a new perspective on things and deal better with the hurt.

Sorry to hear about this.

DesirousOfChange

It might not be a bad idea to seek some professional advice on this, counseling, psychologist, whatever.

And don't give up on the first counselor. You may have to try out several before you find one that understands this issue. It is impossible for most people to conceive the realities of XJW life.

Doc

moshe

I have lost all affection for them and I don't want them back.

For some reason JWs who finally see the light and quit the KH, think that the family they shunned for years and years should welcome them with open arms.

jookbeard

went through the same evil/disgusting behaviour from my close friends and immediate family ID up to this present day, rare are the success stories when all families leave the cancer together. Be strong it sounds like you are.

kitten whiskers

I totally understand how you feel. I've been eaten up by the hurt and resentment too. Not too long ago though, as I was driving in my car, the song by Don Henley about forgiveness came on. It resonated with me and maybe it will with you too.

The words that got me were : "I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak. And my thoughts seem to scatter. But I think it's about forgiveness. Forgiveness. Even if, even if you don't love me anymore."

It may sound silly, but I found peace in this thought. I forgave my mother. I'm trying to let it go. I'm trying to not let the hurt and anger eat up my mind and ruin my attitude. They say when you let someone live rent free in your head you are the only one hurting. I think that is true. She doesn't know what my thoughts are. She doesn't feel the pain I do when I let it consume me. I feel the pain. You feel the pain. Those closest to us feel the pain and that's not fair to any of us.

It's hard. You may need to talk to a doctor. You may need help dealing with it. It's a bizarre situation to most people. It floors them when they hear of it's evil. You are dealing with an emotional attack most people will never face. You are courageous to have broken free. It takes more courage than I think most people will have to muster in a lifetime to realize we must leave that religion and take the steps to do so. You are strong. Stronger than you may feel at the moment. New people will come into your life and you will find love in them.

You may have others reach out to you as they leave the JW's too. I was floored when after 5 years, my sister called to tell me she was leaving and she knew now that how she treated me was wrong.

Hang in there. You are not alone. The pain is real and you are entitled to feel it. I too am having a hard time not wanting to shun those that are shunning me. Sometimes I dream of the feeling of power and retaliation of hurting them back. I guess it's kind of like saying, "Ha! See? It doesn't feel so good, does it?" But I know I don't need to do that. It wouldn't change anything for the better.

I hope you find peace. I hope you find a way to let it go. I think God knows and he understands the feelings we have. But He gave me the strength and courage I needed to get out. He opened my eyes to scriptures that had been misinterpreted my whole life. I couldn't have done it without him. I know he led my family out and I am grateful. We are enjoying life in ways that never would have been possible before! I wish you all the best and I hope you know that you are not alone. Please keep in mind too the scripture that says, even if my own father and mother would leave me, you will take me up.

Losing the battle

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