Thank you all very much for your support. I will try to not let any feelings grow. As for him converting me is out of the question, I have a pretty strong faith. I will still cheer him and support him here work. Thank you all!
Buddhist, Gay, and in Love with a Jehovah Witness
by fergal 19 Replies latest social relationships
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ziddina
Welcome to the board, Fergal...
You've come to the right place...
If I were in your shoes, I'd start reading, reading, reading articles on this site - especially articles/threads on "how I got my family out"; "what woke you up to the fact that it wasn't "The Truth"..", and so on...
You may be able to help your friend if/when he has a crisis in HIS life - as long as he's actually gay, too...
That will cause quite a bit of conflict in him - as others have pointed out, the Watchtower Corporation is very anti-gay, and he'll be forced to either live life celibate, or perhaps go against his natural sexual inclinations and marry a "good little" Jehovah's Witness girl and produce future "publishers" for the Watchtower Corporation...
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freetosee
Welcome!
You say, he has "a lot of gay tendencies", does that mean you are really sure he is gay?
If he knows you are gay, it is remarkable that he would let you be his "close" friend. Especially since you are not a JW.
Does he know you are in love with him? Do you think he has the same feelings for you?
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fergal
Yes, he's known I am gay since the beginning, I'm pretty open about that because I base my life on being sincere. Second, he does know, I texted him I loved him and well the way I look at him and all that stuff. I am pretty sure because I've seen him check out guys and he never talks about girls. Also, he sees marriage as something in the very far future almost impossible. There are certain attitudes he has, I used to have back when I was in the closet. That makes me think that way. Unless, he tells me I will never know but there are many pieces to the puzzle.
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Chariklo
Hi Augusto,
You are probably right. As a totally sincere gay man, in tune with yourself and confident in yourself, you probably do recognize another gay man. You're right, there are many pieces to the puzzle. You come over as having a very sound and deep inside for a young man of 24. What you can't know, though, is how his JW upbringing has formed him and how it influences him.
Ziddina is right too. You can learn a lot from exploring this site, and you'll learn a great deal about Jehovah's Witnesses, and it would give you an understanding of the whole JW cult that you won't get anywhere else...it is really a cult and not a relgion.
About nine months or so ago there was another young man posting on here. I think he might hagve been about your age. He was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness, but as he grew up he came to recognize that he was gay, and what I remember most about him was that he did break away from his parents and his upbringing. Although he was a JW he did come out of the closet and move right away from the Watchtower. And he had a lot of support from the members of this excellent forum. I'll do a bit of research and put a link to that thread here for you.
In the meantime, I just want to say, Fergal, Augusto...I don't know which name to use as you've given us both! ...I think you sound to be an amazing young man, very together, very sure of yourself and understanding towards others. I am really glad you posted here.
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Heartofaboy
If he goes to the elders for help like I did when I was 30, he will soon see most, if not all, hetero elders are out of their depth as far as giving advice that works.
He'll be told to associate at all times with other JW's, to do more bible study, spend as much time as possible in the preaching work & engross himself in 'theocratic' activities to leave as little time as possible to 'dwell' on his gay feelings.
He will be told that they have heard of gay JW men that have not 'given in' to their feelings & are happily married.
He will be lead to believe that if he has faith & does not give in to Satan's pressure Jehovah will bless him.
It has taken years for me to realise none of this works!!
When I was younger I could've done with the support of a friend like you Augusto.
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jworld
Augusto, hang in there you can win this and it’s easier than you think. I think you have a unique advantage too.
I should know because my partner, who is a Hindu, won out in the end. I think I owe him my life for sticking it out with me. My quick background is this. I moved away from home at 21 (I am 30 now) and stopped going to meetings shortly after. However, up until 2009 I had not looked into the Watchtower, so I still felt it had some truth. In 2009 I decided to go back to meetings and give it another look so to speak. At the same time I agreed to start going out steady with my current partner. We had known each other for a couple years and through the natural progression of getting to know someone one day we both said we should be more than friends. I was not as conflicted as your JW friend is but I still had some baggage and going back to meetings made it worse.
Anyway, we always debated religion. My partner is not devout Hindu but he still believes it of course. He would question me though very sincerely on the tenants of Christianity, especially that Christians believe only they will be saved. He also told me he had never met a JW before me, nor has his entire family. As others have said on here, most JW’s have a hard time that only the few million JW’s on earth will be saved. That was the seed (and there were others along the way as he gently prodded me on how illogical the doctrines are) that sparked my interest to finally look into the history of the WT. Once that happened I was finally able to work through my issues and completely move on.
It’s said you shouldn’t argue doctrine with someone, and especially a JW. But I firmly believe the defenses of a JW are weak against Eastern religions. A JW is narrowly taught about Christianity (and how to argue with any Christian on doctrine). Almost no time is spent on eastern religions; the last time it was discussed was in the Mankind Search For God book. That book is ancient and no young person has read it. Even if your friend has read that it’s so vague and generic you would be able to run circles around it.
As a guy who grew up a gay JW, I am so thankful that someone saw enough good in me to stick it out and help me to finally be free. My love for my partner has grown to be a very strong bond.
If you love him it’s worth it to try. A JW can make a great mate, and in the gay world I think former JW’s tend to be more loyal as they have a very conservative background. I wish you all the best.
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fergal
Jworld, I'm so thankful for your advice. Yesterday it was such a hard day for me, as most of the people tell me the contrary. However, during my prayer I asked the universe to show me whether this is worth or not. My main dilemma is that I don't want him to have to part from his family or friends, but I guess I can be strong enough to accompany him through that. I will stick out for him and be there for him and love him not expecting anything back. I am pretty sure that the best will for both of our lives will manifest. Jworld, I am so glad you're happy now with someone who truly loves you and that you embrace yourself. I am sure you will be eternally happy. :-)
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fergal
Also, I want to thank heartofaboy and charikio for your kind support. :-)
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fahrvegnugen
Be careful. I recently listened to a radio interview where a gay ex-mormon talked about his crush on another mormon whom he thought was gay and turned out to be wrong. I also have a good friend who is gay and despite the fact that I go out of my way to make it clear I am hetero he has a tendency to flirt at times that makes me uncomfortable. My point is just be sure you are not imputing sexual intent into purely platonic behavior.