How Purposeful And Meaningful Was The Full-Time Service? "Rivers Of Joy, Euphoric Bliss, Better Sex?"

by Bubblegum Apotheosis 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  Bubblegum Apotheosis

  Ramblings of a tired, worn out, book and magazine "Pusher"

  I am stuck in Limbo, reading the Watchtower of February 15, 2012, wondering where I went wrong. How come I am not the happiest person on Earth? Why don't I have the rivers of joy, promised by the CO, for my lifetime of Field Service? Why am I starting to feel bitter towads hipocrites and liars now, things I tolerated in the past, mild evils I ignored, bit my tongue when outspoken experts of the Bible, talked out of their ass. Listening to hours of self-appointed maritial experts (after six divorces, he was an expert) was enough to make me drink. Experts with broken lives, helping and healing the wicked World's broken familes, in between coffee breaks. Who is to blame for my malovent attidude towards those who claim to have Jehovah's direction, but fail to back up this claim?

  Did I forget to tell you, in two paragraphs the lesson refered to "more preaching, quality preaching, greater service, more hours, talking about your faith, door to door, telephone talking, elders doing more, elders trying to imitate the fine examples of COs ect........ Your field service days, where planned in advance or did you wing it? Are you a gambler, who showed up to the arrangements without a partner? Masochistic type, your the sister we dumped all the insane publishers with? Please help me with a redo of M&Ms "Loose Yourself In The Moment" please!

  "Loose yourself in the Field Service, the door to door work, telephone preaching work,

  you will never regret it, no regrets of it, you got to loose yourself in the "service"
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  factfinder

  There were some days I had made FS plans in advance but most days I just showed up at the hall hoping I'd get to work with ones I like. Many however had already made their fs plans in advance and there were times I could not get a ride to the territory and ended up walking home.

  It was very discouraging, but so was being asigned to work with some real weirdos. I can't believe I kept doing it for as long as I did.
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  Bubblegum Apotheosis

  "Factfinder" You know you angered your fellow brother, when he assigned you with "Lucy who left her mind" or "Burned out Bob" , the "Shiney Happy Strong Ones" left the weak to handle the the "door to door" work, and baby sit the insane, while the Beacons Of Light, made calls on the weak (Figure that one out?), return visits, and even called on the local cemetery.
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  factfinder

  Bubblegum Apothesis-

  I'm not sure I fully understand what you are saying. But I certainly did not get any happiness from working door to door with strange ones, even as you mention. But I went along with it. At one door I was working with an elderly sister and met a born again nut who told us that our God Jehovah was dead. the sister nodded her head in agreement with him and he noticed. He said to me "even your partner knows your God Jehovah is dead." I was not happy. I asked the sister if Jehovah was dead. She looked confused, looked at the householder, then back at me and said "yes, I guess so.' I tried explaining that she was new but the conversation went nowhere and I left. Later I told that sister's daughter what had happened and recommended she not be allowed to go out in service anymore. I felt bad and did not want to be mean, but that sister did not know what jws believe.

  I have not been to a meeting since 2005. Are you still going to the meetings and out in service Bubblegum Apothesis?

  I feel bad for you if you are. There were times over the 30 years I was a witness when I was happy, but more often than not, I was unhappy.

  Looking back over your post I see what you meant. Perhaps some brothers in charge did not like me and stuck me with the weird ones.
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  Bubblegum Apotheosis

  Factfinder

  I am tired tonight, I was not clear on my last post, my sarcasm was not as strong as it should have been. I found no joy working with those loosing their minds, I would come home and take a shot whiskey, angry! Hand walking the elderly door-to-door was not so bad, having dirty, stinky and loud elderly, is another issue. The in-crowd elders and pioneers would always have arrangements or not show up to "field service meetings", unless the C.O. was in town. We were dumped on, and I don't feel much joy, for all the time I spent preaching and pushing mags and tracts, Sorry if my writting was not clear. I had sisters agree with householders who said "You are a cult!" sister insane "yes!" One mentally insane sister said "We worship Satan!" this infront of everyone, ackward!!!!!! It's been a year since I stopped going, I have had enough for now, maybe I might lose my mind and join again? Factfinder, do you find yourself more happy now? How has life improved since leaving the Org, I would love to know.
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  factfinder

  Bubblegum Apothesis,

  Thank you for the explanation. You worked in FS with some nuts too! A sister agreeing with a householder that jws are a cult? It is like the elders were punishing you by making you work door to door with such ones. How could there be any joy in FS under such circumstances?

  You mention possibly going back again. I had wondered at times over the years after I left if I should go back, if I could be happy back in that routine. But I know far too much about the cult to ever go back now. And the new governing body infuriate me with their desire to be glorified and their outlandish control tactics and judgementalism.

  Do I find myself more happy now? Yes! The freedom of not having to rush to get ready for meetings, getting dressed up (I have not worn a tie since!!!), trying to find a ride to the meeting, feeling alone and being treated as an outsider, going door to door feeling we are bothering the people. I no longer really believe in anything, but I'm not under pressure to worship a mean, egotistical god who made my dear Mom suffer and die because 2 people who were created perfect and lived 6,000 years ago ate fruit from a tree God told them not to.

  I have a great buddy who is the best friend I have ever had who accepts me for who I am, whereas the so-called friends in the congregation stopped talking to me after I stopped attending meetings. They never even asked me why I stopped going nor did they try to encourage me to come back. They could not care less!

  Well, its late and I'm tired and perhaps am not really doing that good a job in answering your question but perhaps you could send me a PM and I could get back to you that way. I will be out of town most of tomorrow however.

  I do feel a sense of freedom not having to force myself to worship a god who I feel has betrayed me and does not deserve to be worshipped.

  Do you feel happier since giving up the meetings? Do you have relatives that are witnesses?One of my brothers and his wife are witnesses. The rest of my family are Jewish. My witness brother disowned me because he could not convince me to return to the Kingdom Hall.
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  WTWizard

  I never saw any purpose and joy in pious-sneering. I didn't do it myself, since I got hounded to the point that, had I did it, it would have been for man and not anyone else. (Plus I didn't feel like agreeing to 60 hours of field circus, Jehovah maliciously arranging my affairs so I wouldn't get the hours for hardships, and then getting in trouble for not getting in my time.)

  What I have seen in most of the pious-sneers is anything but joy. They labor to reach the group 20 minutes late, with a cup of coffee, and just plain don't feel like being out. From there, it takes another 20 minutes to reach the territory, only to have errands to get. Someone needs to go to the bank. Or they need gas. Or they forgot something at home. Anything to drag the time out. Calls were done disjointedly. Warm-up breaks when it was about freezing that took 30 minutes or more. Having people sitting half an hour in the car while someone was in on a call. Walking speeds approaching 2 km/h (not miles, kilometers). Driving speeds, with a 50 km/h speed limit, much closer to 40 and sometimes below 20. Someone driving on the expressway, not during a backup and in clear conditions, at under 60 km/h (speed limit 90 km/h). And so on.

  And nothing but stagnation to show for it. They learn nothing, except what is in those rags. They accomplish nothing. They have irregular jobs, or cleaning businesses that are probably doing very poorly now because people are in U-Clean mode these days. Time together is always in terms of doing more field circus, and there is no hint just from watching them that they might be married. I saw people in field circus not married to each other (opposite sex) that looked no different than what married couples would look like, and this hampers the together time. You cannot become intimate with each other on field circus.

  Lost opportunities? What if everyone in your territory realizes you are a witless? You are getting no opportunities for fun.
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  designs

  A lot of memories got stirred with your post. I remember the last Door I ever called on and that last put-down from a 'householder'. They were right, why should they have cared what drivel we were selling. I held my daughter's hand and walked away.
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  Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

  Being a born in, I’ve never enjoyed FS. I come home feeling like I wasted a perfectly good morning; the only relief is being able to fudge enough out of the errands and coffee breaks to have "time to turn in" so the elderberries will leave me alone. My mother tries “encourage” me and says she feels so refreshed after going, but I know that’s a load of crap. How? She always arranges groups that are with ones who already have calls then just drives everyone else around for two hours; I can't remember the last time she actually went door to door. I also have never met a happy pious-sneer; they may say they’re happy, however when you talk to them privately you get a pretty clear picture of a stressed out, over worked and flat broke individual.

  I think many pious-sneers learn all too late it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. By then it’s too late, they either have to (OMG) quit and feel disgraced or keep on miserably going. This is par for the course with JW; many like myself get baptized (because they sure push it) or reach for a goal before knowing the truth about the organization and now don’t have the luxury of fading out.
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  Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

  I would also like to ad that I agree with you on being stuck in groups with the “weirdos”. The power hungry elite are very cliquey, they don’t want to mess with us rank and filers any more than they have to; besides why should they get their hands dirty when they can force, or guilt, the underlings to do it.