Annoying JW Stories

by What Now? 24 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jwfacts

  Due to my wife and myself both working, my Mother in Law has been minding my 3.5 year old twice a week. Lately my son starting talking about Jehovah and Jesus Christ in heaven. Funnily, he has an ipad, and recorded a 15 minute conversation with the grandmother where she was trying to force him to talk about Jehovah being his Father. He kept saying that "daddy is my father." Anyway, I think it is inappropriate to teach a child about God, when they are too young to want to know, or even ask questions about where we came from. My son loved Christmas and talks about Santa all the time even though I never told him anything about Santa. So I said to him the other day "yes Jehovah is up there, with Santa and Peter Pan." I would love to see the look on MIL's face when he responds with that.

  Luckily I am moving to another suburb in two weeks, and MIL will probably not babysit anymore.
• 

  What Now?

  You're right guys, it is serious.

  This is a situation where my husband and I are completely torn apart. Putting this religion completely out of the picture, my parents and in laws are great grandparents. A little annoying of course, but I guess that's how it always is. This would be a major source of guilt for us in leaving the organization - taking their grandson away from them. It would be their choice to shun us of course, but lets not get into that!

  But you're right, I know how the indoctrination process works.

  And that's when I start to wonder ... should we leave now, cut off contact now, when he won't be old enough to remember them? As opposed to later, when I would have to explain to him why his grandma and grandpa don't want to see him anymore.

  I hate that I even have to think of these scenarios.

  Anyways I was just so irritated at what my mother in law said. I felt like replying "we're not sixteen anymore. We don't live under your roof, our lives are none of your business. So go ahead. Call. What are you going to do if you find out that we're heading towards inactive? Disown us? Not see us or your grandson anymore?"

  Speaking of which ... have any of you ever heard of that happening before? COULD an elder call up the P.O. (or whatever they're called now) of his child's congregation to find out how he or she is doing spiritually?
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  What Now?

  @jwfacts - do you worry about the situation with your mother in law? do you feel that she is trying to use the religion to turn your son against you?

  That's something that scares me ... what if when he's older, they convince him that he needs to shun us because we don't believe in the religion?

  I can't imagine him saying to me something like "mama, grandma says that you're going to die at Armageddon because you don't love Jehovah, why don't you love Jehovah?".
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  jwfacts

  @jwfacts - do you worry about the situation with your mother in law? do you feel that she is trying to use the religion to turn your son against you?

  That's something that scares me ... what if when he's older, they convince him that he needs to shun us because we don't believe in the religion?

  I can't imagine him saying to me something like "mama, grandma says that you're going to die at Armageddon because you don't love Jehovah, why don't you love Jehovah?".

  When I was fading my stepdaughters Bible Study conductor tell her that I would die at Armageddon. They really helped cement with me what an insane, unwholesome religion it is. My MIL is unlikely to try to turn my son against me, but my mother is such a zealot that I worry she would. Luckily she lives interstate, soon to be intercountry, so does not get much chance. I do imagine one day having to answer the question about why I don't love Jehovah. I know he will never be convinced to join their religion though.
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  jookbeard

  play the game with them WN, if the next request from your MIL about how things are in your cong give it the "things are great here! we love the warmth of the brothers, we are both conducting BS's and we are even thinking of pioneering some time soon", its clear they are on your case and are keen to poke thier noses in your so called spiritual health even deeper, but contact your elders ASAP and demand that any requests about our welfare from my FIL or any other elder are completely rejected and demand that your confidentiality is protected at all times. Dont these people suck?
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  3rdgen

  I didn't become inactive until i was in my late 50's. My mother was in an assisted living arrangement 250 miles away. Even with dimentia she was able to find out about our statis. Her realitives simply asked Jws they knew in our circuit if they had seen us at the CAs/meetings. They don't have to call elders. ANY publisher will gossip about someone in their hall when asked, "Have you seen so and so at the meetings lately?" Just one seemingly innocent question and you will be busted. Sorry, but it is impossible to "fake it" without attending.
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  outsmartthesystem

  I am in a similar situation. I feel awful for you. Except my wife is in cahoots with her parents in regard to the JW indoctrination of my kids. Once I told my wife that my conscience would no longer allow me to attend meetings at the kingdom hall....she transformed into an uber dub. She used to make about 2 out of 3 meetings. Now there is a 0% chance she will miss. She gets there super early. And she has been relying heavily on her parents for support. Her parents are spending much more time with her and the kids. I know the indoctrination is being laid on thick because my 4 year old will request that we listen to kingdom melodies and ask me questions like "why don't you love Jehovah?"
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  TOTH

  Sending a comforting bunch of thoughts to you both...
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  Silent_Scream

  I am in this situation as we speak. I'm making dumb mistakes. I wholeheartedly second Sinis' words:

  If I were you, I would just cut them off at the knees and when they bring these issues up, just say you do not want to talk about it. Offer nothing else, no explanation, nothing. Stop doing token service and just give it up. You are doing no good to your family or sanity by walking the fence. Just let it go. If they insist on wanting to know why you don't go to meetings, or offer any "sheparding" help. refuse. If you are caught in a situation where you cannot escape, simply say you do not want to talk about it, and hold your grounf with that simple phrase. No one needs to know anything above and beyond that.
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  joannadandy

  I understand the fear of having your child indoctrinated, and I understand why everyone here is so sensitive to that aspect of the situation. Those of us born-in had a long road to deprogram ourselves, but the difference is we had to do it alone. Your child won't ever have to be alone in that task.

  I don't think you should feel afraid to leave your child with his grandparents. As you said, aside from being annoying they are good people. It can be hard when you are leaving to remember that, because it's such an emotional process. Especially when you feel like you can't be honest about how you really feel.

  The reason I don't think you should be afraid is because they aren't raising your son. You are. They may be grandparents, but ultimately you are the one raising your child, and will be responsible for whatever spiritual upbringing he has, and he will look to you for answers. If anything, it could be a good thing - compare and contrast what grandma and grandpa believe to what you believe, could give him a great education in logic and reasoning out how to form his own beliefs.

  As someone who did a slow-fade herself, eventually you will come to the end of your road. I think it would be good to have an exit strategy. I feel like the situation of them "checking-in" on you is just the begining. To be fair, they are probably just thinking of it as doing their christian duty to check on your spiritual well-being...but it will keep happening. Remember they think they are saving you from eternal damnation. It's going to be emotional for them too.

  I wish you all the best. This is not an easy situation for anyone to be in...but having been out now 10 years, I can only offer you that I am in a much better place now. I never thought I would be where I am now, or that the "fade" would eventually have an end. It was really rough, but the freedom I feel now to be myself - was worth every arguement, every hurt feeling, every tear shed between me and my family.

  You and your husband will know when the time is right for you and your family to move on.