These last few weeks.

Princess

I haven't posted more than a reply or two to various topics these last few weeks. I haven't seen any evidence of my mom (Mulan) in as long.

I have started to post the whole story but it is too long and probably unbelievable. Anyway, here is the short version.

89 year old grandma fell and broke a vertabrae

grandma manipulates everyone who speaks to her

grandma quickly drives off all family members but her son, his daughter and me

we decide that assisted living is the best place for her when she is able to leave rehab

she disagrees and stirs up all kinds of shit, wasting hours of time spent by my cousin and I

Saturday grandma tried to upset the family by giving a friend power of attorney

grandma calls princess to find out why she didn't photograph assisted living facility as offered

Princess informs grandma that throwing up her hands and saying "whatever" is not responding in the affirmative to an offer to help

Now assisted living was grandma's idea from the start and Princess is given permission to arrange everything for grandma

Princess immediately calls grandma back and informs her she is done playing the game. Princess will not be arranging anything and furthermore, neither will any family member. New power of attorney friend will be required to do all arrangements from here on out. Princess is formally done with grandma.

Princess is free.

I finally freed myself of my lying manipulative JW grandma. She lied to my face and then several times on the phone. I simply couldn't take anymore so I called her on several lies and told her I would not do anything more for her.

She is now working on my cousin.

It's not over yet but at least I took myself out of the mess.

Princess

Billygoat

((((Princess)))))

I'm so sorry to hear about that. I know it had to be a mix of pain and relief freeing yourself from that mess. You're such a sweet person! Your gramma should feel lucky to have a granddaughter that even WANTS to help out with that stuff!

Andi

Kep

Hey Princess,
Sorry to hear about all the hassles you have with JW family.
I'm in the same boat at times and it seems to get worse now and then.
My mother is JW and her mother as well.
They are both manipulative and I have been victim of their schemes in the past.
When I was Dfd I missed my family so much, but accepted the medicine and made the most of the time I had with my Dad.
Now, my sisters and brother have moved to Australia and there is no one for them to meddle with.
They have kept at arms length for many years and now I grace them with my presence as the need arises.
I feel for you as it is very frustrationg when they make demands on you that you have not committed, they take you for granted and expect you to fall in line with their wants and needs.
Mum is very much like that and although we love her dearly, she has her strange and funny ways.
My partner wondered if it was a trait in my family or if all JWs are like that.
I guess in my case it's a bit of both.

mustang

Sigh!!! It just never ceases, does it?

Only last night I got a call from a total stranger that a manipulative relative told a pack of lies to in order to get
them to contact me after that stranger moved cross-country.

I've heard that 'they' try to control us by this B.S. But all they have ever done to me is cause irritation.

Mustang
Letting off steam class

Helen

so sorry, it does get old..glad you had the courage to remove yourself.

puzzled

Your Grandma sounds like Tony Sapranno's mom.

Hang in there.

plm

waiting

((((((((((all children of old people))))))))))))))

I hate to be the ball-breaker here........but, a lot of old people tend to be manipulative - it's how they get what they want because they're too damned old (and gotten stingy) to get it from being nice.

My mother (god bless her hard heart borderline personality) was Irish Catholic and could put the screws on anyone she wanted. She was a master.

My aunt (who I was dumb enough to get power of attorney for) is Irish Catholic, became an atheist for decades, holds 2 masters degrees (Psy nursing & Sociology), a confirmed homosexual, royal pain in the ass her total life. NOW????? She's 70 & completely senile, a confirmed Catholic again, was never a homosexual and is still a royal pain in the ass.

My mother-in-law? Well on her way to the same.

This is my theory..........

Many old people are those "cute little old people" giving cookies and hugs - when they still live in their own houses and have family & friends. They're looking - just like the pregnant neighborhood cat ready to deliver - they know they need a new nest.

Sounds terrible? Yeah..........but watch them old foxes. They know they're going to need help - and they start pushin' our buttons.

Princess informs grandma that throwing up her hands and saying "whatever" is not responding in the affirmative to an offer to help -princess

Congratulations, Princess.

waiting

ps: Not intended to offend - as some old people are nice or just plain mean, as they've always been.

cellomould

Princess,

My feelings are with you here.

I can't understand why people really think they are more likely to get what they want from manipulation. They are actually less likely to have their needs met, imo... this seems to reinforce their silly behavior.

Why not just ask, especially if you really need something?

That shows you trust the person in question, and they will thus be more likely to trust you and lovingly help you.

This is something we should all be concious of:
Putting our pride aside, identifying where we need help, and asking.

((((((Princess)))))), you know you tried very hard to help your grandmother. If she didn't accept your love as such, then you don't have too much left you can do.

cellomould

"In other words, your God is the warden of a prison where the only prisoner is your God." Jose Saramago, The Gospel According to Jesus Christ

Mulan

Thanks Princess, for telling this unbelievable story. It has been hell for two weeks. I was in Florida (with Venice and her folks....my hubby too) when Mom fell, and everyone agreed not to tell me, and told Mom as much, but Mom manipulated a cousin to call and tell me anyway. Now he feels like a fool for falling for her trap.

Now Mom has arranged to go live with my father's sister, who is an invalid, and needs help herself. In all of this, we have had the support of her elders, but who knows what she has told them now.

I haven't seen her or talked to her for two months, because she makes my life absolutely miserable, and two therapists have told me to stay away from her, even in this situation. (one of them is my niece)

For Waiting: this isn't new to my mother. She has been this way my whole life. I do need therapy because she raised me, and I know I am messed up because of her. There is a big difference between her and me. I have many friends, and family, and she is alienating everyone now. She is just a terrible person.

We all know she is mentally ill, and we probably should have her declared mentally incompetent.

It's just a nightmare.

Marilyn (aka Mulan)
"No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers

think41self

Princess and Mulan,

Arghhhhh! What a nightmare you are describing. I don't know, call me cold hearted if you want, but I have nothing to do with my manipulative, mean relatives. You know the ones I'm talking about, they've been that way their whole lives!

If it was some sweet older person who was suffering a personality change because of senility or dementia or some illness, that would be one thing. But if that's just their personality, why do they deserve kindness from people they've mistreated repeatedly? I'm sorry, life is too short to waste time trying to help them. They are beyond our help.

Princess and Mulan, I'm proud of both of you.

think41self

If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself!

These last few weeks.

Share this