A Smurfy Tale: Papa Smurf Meets the Jehovah's Witnesses

by Sic Semper Tyrannis 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sic Semper Tyrannis
    Sic Semper Tyrannis

    Brother and Sister Bishop had to be the most annoying Witnesses in our congregation. Sister Bishop was a shrill overweight busybody who had nothing else better to do than spread rumors about both people and inanimate objects. On the other hand, Brother Bishop was a rail thin cuckold of a man nearly 20 years younger than his wife. He wasn’t as harmful as his wife was. Being incredibly dim-witted, he seldom gave talks and his responsibilities in the Hall were about as low as you could go and still be counted as an elder.

    Sister Bishop just loved finding things wrong with “worldly” entertainment. Our family hosted the book study, and one day after the study I was showing one of my friends the cover of the Led Zeppelin 4 album. She must have been familiar with the symbols on the cover, since she snatched it out of my hands and showed it to my mother. It was thrown into the fireplace soon afterward. The next time I listened to “Black Dog” and “The Battle of Evermore” would be 10 years from that day. Because of her, to this day I have not seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I really started to hate the Bishops.

    Then came the Smurfs. My brother was more of a fan than I was, but I watched the show anyhow. A worldly uncle noticed this, and taking pity on us one holiday season, bought both of us Smurf plush dolls which spoke when you pressed a hidden button. Mother allowed us to have them as long as we didn’t let anyone else know about it. Mine was Papa Smurf, who said “Have a Smurfy day!” Since I was already growing out of it, I abused my toy, letting it fall into the pool. Soon Papa Smurf’s words were sounding almost demonic due to the water damage.
    Though I was careful in keeping my toys, my brother wasn’t, and it happened that one night Sister Bishop found his Smurf toy on display in his room. She got very heated, even going so far as to insist that she would never come back to our house again if she did not see us destroy this demonic toy. My brother’s Smurf was soon destroyed, and he cried all night about it. I went to comfort him, and we came up with a plan for revenge. Next meeting, I would open up my Smurf and tape the button down, making sure Papa Smurf never ended his demonic diatribe.

    The plan was to throw it into the Women's Room trash when Sister Bishop went in there before the meeting. After a few false starts, we had a perfect opportunity when she was the only one in the restroom. I quickly taped down the button and threw it in the trash without even entering. We didn’t have long to wait until we heard a scream, following by several panicked screams of “Jehovah” as she ran from the restroom and into the parking lot. Brother Bishop bravely strode in the restroom to find out what was wrong. It went like this:

    “In the name of Je-HO-vah, get out!”

    He repeated this a few times until he followed his wife’s example by pathetically screaming God’s name at this kid’s toy and went running outside as well. The ministerial servant who ran the literature counter was in his 20’s and about as hip as a Jehovah’s Witness could get. Once he even showed me his vinyl copy of Led Zeppelin 4. He calmly went into the restroom, grabbed the offending Smurf, and snapped off its head to stop the voice. After taking it outside and throwing it in the trash can, he went back to the literature counter like nothing happened. After the meeting he took both me and my brother aside and politely asked us to not do that again. He’d cover for us this time, but that was all.

    I think the Bishops knew who was behind it, since they stopped bothering us and transferred to a new book study. Sister Bishop was eventually disfellowshipped about 5 years later, which her husband conveniently blamed on the Smurfs.


  • freetosee

    lol.. we had that kind in my hall too.. but running out into the parking lot... just lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • GOrwell

    thanks.. I lol'd

  • Aussie Oz
    Aussie Oz

    So YOU are responsable for the legend of the talking smurf at the K/hall that went viral through the JW gossip and story telling chain!


  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Soooo funny!

  • OnTheWayOut

    That is hilarious. I am with Aussie Oz in that you might be the very reason I now love everything Smurfy, because you may have started the legend.

  • EndofMysteries

    Ha, if his was the original beginning, funny how the story greatly exaggerates as it's passed down, by the time it got to me, unless it is a different one, I was told it was during the weekly bookstudy but this one was at a kingdomhall instead of a persons house, and someone had a pappa smurf doll that said, "I've had enough of this", and proceeded to get up, and walk out of the kingdomhall. haha

  • mariemcg

    LMAOOOOOO.. I'm crying, this was just what i needed!!!!

  • Pams girl
    Pams girl

    LOL! I can actually picture the look on her face as she was screaming......so funny! A toilet haunted by a demonic smurf...couldnt make it up hahaha.

  • rebel8


    I once hid a cassette player in the hall basement and played a haunted house tape on low volume during a kh cleaning, with similar results.

    IIRC, most were not consolable, even after they knew it was a practical joke and I showed them the cassette.

  • DaCheech

    This was so great, that I MADE my JW (3rd generation) wife read it!

    She knows I come read stuff here, but I can't leave the witlesses

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze

    Love it!

    Because of her, to this day I have not seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

    To be fair, it really pales in comparison to Raiders of the Lost Ark.

  • exwhyzee

    Papa smurf once gave the number 5 talk in the back school at our hall.

    The Ministry School conductor shouted " in the name of Jehoooovah I rebuke you Papa Smurf... you also need to work on gestures and repitition for emphasis ! "

  • Jadeen


  • NoRegrets

    Very, very funny story!!! I think you were part of the inspiration for some witness urban legends regarding Smurfs! Was this in MN?

  • Cagefighter

    That might be the coolest story ever told...

  • Londo111

    People insisted these urban legends were true…they heard it from somebody else who was there. I found it really hard that the Smurfs would be the embodiment of evil. If the demons caused Smurf dolls to dance in the KH, wouldn't that cause those in attendance to redouble their efforts to flee from anything the least bit occult? Wouldn't that drive them to pray more, do more service, more study, ect? I would think it would make a pioneer out of the most adamant unbeliever. Demons, if they exist, would not be that stupid.

    BTW--now is a good time as any to recount any urban legends we've heard. It would be good for a laugh and God knows we certainly need it!

  • DagothUr

    This reminds me of a tale I have to tell one of this days. I will open a new subject. It's about the dead and the myths surrounding them.

  • Sic Semper Tyrannis
    Sic Semper Tyrannis

    I never thought about the true origin of the story. To be quite honest, I had never heard any objections to the Smurfs until that awful woman started lecturing my mother about it. It wasn't only Smurfs - it was Cabbage Patch Kids, Barbie Dolls, GI Joe, and just about anything that was popular in the 80's. Her reasoning went that they promoted materialism, idol worship, and worst of all, distracted us in the raising of active Kingdom publishers and pioneers. The shit really hit the fan when the Thriller video came out and a few of us had recorded it on VHS.

    It wasn't in MN... It was in CA. Those were the days. Our congregation seemed to always be the one with a powder keg beneath it. Never a dull moment. The elders even marked a few teens for the way they wore their hair - in 80's style perms!

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    That's the funniest thing I've heard in ages SST

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