by EmptyInside 25 Replies latest jw friends
I was at one particular door when the Christian lady informed me that most Christians believed that they would be coming back with Christ [after they died and went to heaven] to rule over/in a paradise earth. She turned to the standard Rev. scriptures to prove her point.
I walked away feeling cheated from her stealing my thunder. Then I was just embarrassed for being in a religion that asssumes everyone else but them are ignorant, unread, hypocrits.
Perry
I found that mainstream Protestants knew their Bible very well. The Witnesses assume no one reads their Bibles except Witnesses. Well, we do not read the Bible. We glance at a scripture here and a scripture there. If you never interact with worldly people, you are so certain Bethel is correct. It is a matter of faith. So much is invested in the religion that you need to believe. Since Vatican II, most Catholics know their Bible. The Witnesses were able to attract a lot of Catholics b/c they wanted to know what was in the Bible. In fact, the Witnesses and the Catholic Church have the same take on the Bible: ordinary reading comprehension and logic skills can not be used. You need someone else to order you to believe something.
We attended a ghetto KH where many were functionally illiterate. The brothers may have tried hard but the lack of savvy in business matters and not understanding the text of the WT showed. The class distinctions were obvious. I gained many black friends through KH that helped me during racial riots in the school I attended. It was strange explaining how I knew these people to my white friends. The exposure was prob. good for me. Students for a Democratic Society (SDS), Black Panthers, and other leftist groups tried to raise my class consciousness. All I knew was that I was very lucky to be working class and not have to live in a ramshackle, dangerous housing project. They never made a dent in me. I was so grateful for what I had. I used to pray to be transferred to a nicer KH. Shallow, materialistic, etc. but it was a big influence growing up. In hindsight, I am glad for the exposure.
I was never comfortable with the evangelical aspect of being a JW.
I was embarrassed (and still am) to tell people I was a JW.
As a teen, I had high anxiety and was terrified at working territory that might have me run into schoolmates.
When I was 16, I was forced to make a presentation in a business working business territory (such a dumb thing JWs do).
From then on I was guilt-ridden over my embarrassment because a brother admonished me with that scripture about "not being ashamed of the good news." I complied as best as I could because being a JW was all I knew. My whole social life hinged on parental approval and peer acceptance.
Now I can look back and understand better my discomfort at being a pushy JW. Even as a child I had some underlying doubts about things but just didn't know that's what it was at the time.
alias
First (and only) time I had a study progress to the 1914 doctrine I was incredibly embarrassed to explain the 607 - 2520 years BS.
I too always hated service but I beat myself up over it feeling the way I did. I felt that something was wrong with me. Everyone else said they just looved it and could not wait to get started. They never had a bad day in service.
Even when I saw that was not true as many loved their coffee breaks and ran errands all the time in service I still never looked at them like they were not doing service. I guess my husband telling me to look the other way and to keep my blinders on really affected me.
I finally gave up giving talks back when I was still really active and an elders wife. My last talk was on 1919 or something like that and I just could not explain it. I had to read it from the book as it made no sense to me. I asked my husband for help and he got irritated with me saying "why do you not get this?" I shot back "why can you not explain it so I can GET IT" He just walked away and I realized that he did not get it. He has since admitted it to me. It was then that I realized none of the other elders wife's give talks they are all just householders. Makes me wonder if they deep inside feel the same way.
I wish I had known about Cognitive Dissonance back then as I would not have beaten myself so much.
LITS
Someone mentioned they didn't realize before that Protestants really know their Bibles.
It was a total eye-opener when I married my husband (born-again) to see him enjoying his reading of the scriptures every night before bed and it made me feel horrible (when I was still active) that he read his Bible more than I read mine! And he knew so much, without anyone really having to explain it to me. My parents always told me I couldn't just read the Bible on it's own, that I had to read the publications. As soon as I switched to the New International Version, I've had no problems whatsoever understanding what things mean and I think, OMG, if I had only read another version of the Bible back when I was having trouble understanding all that old-fashioned language in the NWT!
Anyway, I'd been embarassed about being a JW for years, right around the time I started back in public school in 5th grade. I used to cringe every time my mom wanted to take my sister and I grocery shopping after the meetings and we were stuck in our hideously embarassing clothes with normal kids staring at us wearing their normal clothes.
I was painfully embarassed at field service and the one time I ever aux. pioneeered I managed to do it by counting time while we took our coffee breaks and stuff. I HATED the way we did service in the French group I'd joined. Knock on the door. "Who is it?" "Jehovah's Witnesses." "Who?" etc., you get the point. Then they'd open the door. "Can I help you?" (in English.) Me: "Um, does anyone speak French?" Them: "Uh, no." Me: ... The sister next to me, glaring at me for not shoving Bible verses in French down their throats. Yeah, that was a fun month. =/
Many people consider JWs to be way too pushy with all their door to door witnessing.
Little do they realize how high a percentage of JWs don't want to be doing it either.
I really relate to this whole thread. I remember being embarrassed to be a JW as early as 6 years old. I was deeply embarrassed the whole rest of my childhood and even after I no longer considered myself a JW I felt a great deal of shame for probably at least 5 years. Just the fact that I had been raised in this religion and my family was still attending meetings was excruciating to me and I felt isolated. To be honest, I am still embarrassed and there are only 3 adults that I have ever told that I was raised as a JW with one of them being my husband.
I only tell a select group of people now. Mostly, to explain some traumas. I do it as a comedy skit. Parental approval - oh, yes. Love is ever cond'l. You are never, ever good enough to be loved. People laugh so hard at the thought of me knocking on doors and asking people if they believed in eternal life. It is very funny. The sad thing is Witnesses don't see. From this thread, though, Witnesses see. They just don't admit. Denial is more than a river in Egypt.
Yes, I was raised with the feeling that love is conditional. I think I still have trouble GIVING unconditional love because that feeling was mostly foreign to me.
