how do we exdubs deal with family still in?

by bigmac 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • bigmac
    bigmac

    i would be interested in hearing how other ex's cope with family members--still stuck in.

    example--my 90 year old jw dad--been in 50+ years---continued close ties with me since i left 30+ years ago----yet he says he wont talk to his grandson--age 35 ( my son )--who was DF 2 years back

    my never jw (3rd) wife cant understand this.

    my first wife ( above sons mother)--born in /devout---wont talk to her own son--

    i cant imagine what his new partner must think of this--especially as she acts as a go-between to help with child access.

    this pointless shunning crap just causes family problems--it solves nothing.

  • no more kool aid
    no more kool aid

    I don't have any dealings with my side of the family, it's been over a year with no contact. My children were never baptised and there is still zero contact. My faded husband speaks to his family on the phone maybe once a month, we have not met face to face in over a year. It is difficult to explain to new friends of the kids or new friends that we don't have any family. Makes me want to come back sooooo bad......not. NMKA

  • shamus100
    shamus100

    You have to think about family this way: They only gave birth to you.

    Furthermore, Watchtower is crack. They are addicted to the watchtower and you have to do the same thing they do to you - cut them out of your life and live your life happy and free from the endless drama / bullshit from them trying to score their next hit. It's a really hard pill to swallow, but it's the truth.

    Make your own family. My nieces and nephews have a 'grandpa and grandma' next door to them. They are not really grandpa and grandma, but a kind buddist japanese couple that are like family. Make your own life, your own friends, your own family. Easier said than done, but it can be.

  • Found Sheep
    Found Sheep

    Family is the 6 letter F word! Well when you mix jw's in it. My Brother wont have anything to do with me! THis also is something that my never JW husband makes him crazzy to think about! I'm starting to be OK with it. For a few years i could cry anytime i thought of it

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    Just last week my mother said to me that even though she wants the kids to come see her because she has a problem with my husband she won't invite my whole family to her house. I told her if that's the case don't expect the kids to come over. She shot back that I wouldnt have a family (meaning her and my father). I replied I do have a family.

    My mother's twisted dream is that one day I will come to my senses drop my husband and come back to the bOrg even though I was never baptized as a jw. What she wants is for me to choose her over my husband. Sounds crazy but she has said has much over the last year. That ain't ever going to happen.

  • journey-on
    journey-on

    The practice of shunning, even semi-shunning, is sick. It's a made up doctrine using the twisting of scriptures. I cope through prayer and my own spiritual practices. It helps me understand the whys and wherefores, and be able to love them anyway. I try to look past their fears and brainwashing, and see who they are sans the religion.

    Thank goodness, the org throws in a little dose of "exceptions" (i.e., "except for family business") to pacifiy those who would otherwise be cast into traumatic doubt. However, there are some that have no problem whatsoever with totally cutting family members out. (Perhaps, it's a good excuse not to have to deal with problem family members that may be draining on them in other ways.)

    I, or any semi-biblically literate person could take just as many scriptures along with scriptural examples and "create" our own doctrine against this horrendous practice. I'm confident anybody could twist the scriptures to condemn this practice. Disfellowshipping seems biblical to me, but not shunning.

    The practice of disfellowshipping and shunning serves the borg in many selfish ways. I don't see it ending anytime soon.

    I am semi-shunned. That is, my JW family talks to me when I call. Sometimes they even call me. But, we don't get together very often anymore, take vacations together, or otherwise associate much. It's very limited. Our conversations avoid discussions of a spiritual nature. I'm expected to listen with rapt attention as they relay their recent regurgitated feast of spiritual food received at some convention, but I, on the other hand, must remain silent as to any spiritual enlightenment I may have had recently.

  • FreeAtLast1914
    FreeAtLast1914

    Very limited contact with JW family since we stopped going to meetings. How do we handle this? We have left the door open to any and all discussions regarding our stance. We will never judge them for making the stand they have made because we realize their stand isn't really their stand; it's the GB's stand and they blindly follow along.

    We simply hope that they will wake up as we have and we can all have a grand reunion. Odds of that happening: Slim to none.

  • cantleave
    cantleave

    Nugget's oldest sister won't talk to nugget or I because we are DF'd, despite the fact that we still lead a good life and will never go back, so we will never be "brought to senses" by the act of shunning.

    Her middle sister never got baptised and has done everything under the sun, but the oldest sister has a great relationship with her.

    The middle sister has faded and shares the same views as Nugget and she is not shunned by oldest sister either.

    Stupidity at it's best.

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers
    example--my 90 year old jw dad--been in 50+ years---continued close ties with me since i left 30+ years ago----yet he says he wont talk to his grandson--age 35 ( my son )--who was DF 2 years back
    my first wife ( above sons mother)--born in /devout---wont talk to her own son--
    i cant imagine what his new partner must think of this--especially as she acts as a go-between to help with child access.

    Other than the need for family medical history and calls regardng illnesses and deaths in the family, I have never contacted my jw mother. Your son's mistake, IMO, is that he allows any jw, related or otherwise, unfettered access to his child. No child should be left alone with a jw. The indoctrination is bad enough. But to top it off, these people are not aware of the pedophiles in their midst.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    I have it easy as no one on my side of the family are JW's. On my Mom's side, well other than her sister and Mom, most of them care little what I do. It's rarely uncomfortable anymore

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