by StephanieH 51 Replies latest jw experiences
I guess I am seeking advice or someone who can really understand what I have been going through so that I can move on with my life freely.
Hi! Welcome. Well you have come to the right place. There are lots of good people here who accept you as you are..keep posting!
Congratulations, on taking the right steps to get out of a bad situation. You are doing a lot of things right. I just would like to bring up the subject of your real mother. Maybe, down the road, it might be an idea to find/contact her.
S
dont have time to reply to all the posts, but please email me offline if you EVER need someone to talk to. i left the JWs after being born in (30+ yrs later) and while i'm not gay, i do have many friends that are. you are in the hardest time of the transition....i promise it gets better!!!! and email me anytime you need a listening ear: [email protected] My name is lindsey
Also, there's nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. I saw a therapist for about 3 months after I left. At least in the region I was a JW, they painted therapy in a bad light. Don't let their ignorance stop you from seeking help. We often suffer from a form of PTSD when leaving and getting professional help is the best when dealing with that.
I'm low on cash. I live in a university city and I found low cost therapy with interns working towards their master's degrees. Maybe something similar is around you. I used this site to review a few therapists in my area. Many of them offer a free consultation where you can talk about your situation and what you'd like to accomplish through sessions. http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/
It aint easy but time heals wounds. Do your best to make some friends outside of the JWs. Also, I would suggest reconnecting with your mother. Im sure she will be able to help you out.
Also, there's nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. I saw a therapist for about 3 months after I left.
Still seeing a therapist myself for 3 years now. Let me say there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian, the end is not coming so very soon, you will die of old age if you are lucky but it will definitely be in this system of things. Shake the guilt that WT put onto you and move on like you are doing.
Peace to you.
Welcome!
I hope you never get depressed to the point of contemplating suicide again, but if you do, please reach out and get help right away.
There are lots of good people willing to help.
Hi Stephanie! Another group that you can check out is A Common Bond, a support group for current and ex-Witnesses that are gay. My sister found them helpful when she left the jws. I met the group in my area and found them to be really nice!
StephanieH>> As an ex-witness myself, my heart goes out to you. I know how difficult it is. The social limits that the Witnesses place are designed with the intent of creating an insular, isolated community. The congregation is your family, more so than your blood relatives. The congregation is your support. The congregation loves you more than the parent or wife or child who is an unbeliever. The congregation has your best interests at heart, worldly friends will tempt you into sin and death. They justify it by stating that Jesus said he would come as a sword to divide the family, and then shift the blame by stating that the rift is caused by the actions of the unbeliever (Wt 1/15/75, p. 29).
The goal is to create a dependancy on the congregation. Once social ties outside of that are weakened or lost, it makes it significantly difficult to leave because there's nowhere to go and no-one to go to. That isolation and social dependancy is one of the primary tools used by fringe cults to indoctrinate and maintain followers, because it creates a circular, self-sustaining thought process - the outside viewpoint that the Witnesses are wrong is taken by the Witness and used as evidence that it is right, and any stife or attempts by friends and family to get the person to leave feeds back into the conviction to stay.
For me, finally understanding that, understanding what had been done to the wiring in my head, helped me start to finely unravel it. It's hard, really hard, I won't lie to you, and there are things that you might never be able to completely shake off (I'm 15+ years out and still get uncomfortable when getting birthday presents). And a lot of times people won't really be able to understand it, because they haven't been through that gauntlet. You'll find though, that most times their lack of understanding is not for want of trying. My concern is that, on many occasions, I've seen the shock of the transition cause many ex-witnesses to skid out of control. Of the ones I know, most have gone through cyclic periods of depression, and several have recurring or ongoing drug habits. The combination of sudden freedom mixed with the stunted social skills that can result from a Witness upbringing can be a recipe for trouble. Because of that, and even though I'm rarely a fan of professional mind-washers, I really do suggest that you consider spending some time with a professional counseler or therapist who has experience in religious cults. They will often be able to help you develop the understanding and tools to better cope with that transition and decompression when you're finally able to get away from the Witnesses. With all that in mind, though, big big hugs, you're out, you're free, and you're in good company. Welcome to the greener side of the fence!
It will get easier with time.
