I finally resigned as an elder. My conscience wouldn't allow me to continue. I've battled for years trying to reconcile the fallacies of the WT Society with my own personal beliefs. I followed the Society's formula for those with doubts: Pray, study, meditate, service, meetings, "priveleges," repeat. Their plan backfired.
The more I prayed for God to help, the more I realized how childish and selfish my requests of (and belief in) a personal Father-like God who has chosen JWs as his special property were.
The more I poured myself into study, the more problems I found with WT doctrine.
The more I meditated, the more the mind control of the WT began to lose its hold on me.
The more I went in service, the more my conscience bothered me. How could I try to convert people to a religion that I don't even believe in?
The more I payed attention to meetings, assemblies, and conventions, the more I became troubled by the heavy persuasive tactics used to keep the followers in line.
The more responsibilities I took on in the congregation, the greater the distance became between me and the people I love the most. I was really just trying to keep myself busy as a distraction from the real issues I was having with my faith.
I can honestly say that, in trying to resolve my issues, I did things by the book, at least in the way the Society has set out for appointed men. I am a born-in with lots of family and friends in the Org. I wanted everything I believed as a JW to be right. But I was wrong and I had to face it. I am drastically reducing the amount of time and energy I put toward the Org. I don't know where I'll end up in relation to JWs but as for now, I'm heading toward a low activity/partial fade status.
Oh, and I am happier now than I have been in years.