If you had controlling parents

by mrsjones5 23 Replies latest social family

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  luna2

  I don't know if my parents are in there or not. Mostly, they are self-deceptive and seem to have no problem either straight up lying or being deceptive to other people. I'm way too passive and I don't know if was a learned behavior or if the tendancy is hardwired, but I spent my childhood doing as I was told and thinking that I didn't know much of anything. The things I was complimented on were things I had little control over (my appearance for one). Using your brain and being your own person were not things that were stressed.

  I'm at a time in my life where I've been looking back a great deal. I often wonder how much my upbringing and how much my parents' personalities affected me or if I was always destined to be a failure.

  Pretty sure I need to let this go and try to focus on more productive issues as its really too late for me to change my personality at this point.
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  meditations

  I was raised a Witness, and I can completely relate to nearly every point mentioned in the OP. Thanks for the tip on the book.

  Still dealing with the years of emotional abuse I've been subjected to by both parents. Their unhappiness and lack of self-respect and respect of other family members is probably the first thing that seriously started to turn me away from the faith as a child. If these people have found "The Truth," then why aren't they happier, and why do they behave the way they do (always justifying their mistreatment on Biblical scriptures pointing to children needing to subject themselves to parental authority).

  Even the other day, when I tried to raise a valid question with my father about the organization's interpretation of Matthew 24, he responded in an abusive manner, talking about how he didn't want to hear that "garbage," demeaning me saying who am I to think that I could find the Truth if the organization can't, and basically just using the opportunity to insult me rather than rationally discuss the points I was trying to raise. It sickened me, but fit perfectly into the pattern he's been practicing through my whole life. Using the scriptures as a justification for emotional abuse rather than as inspiration towards true compassion or empathy. So at that point I decided not to give a **** if he's determined to spend the rest of his life as a blindfolded idiot. Sigh.

  Glad I found this forum.
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  White Dove

  Saw parents, grandparents, and spouse in these lists, and partly me in the controlling kids too much list.

  That part for me was when I was a JW.

  I became a much better parent, so said my kids, after leaving.

  My mind opened up and I let them be individuals.

  Now, for the still being controlled by parents list, only a couple apply because I moved away and don't fear being caught living my life my way 1,200 miles away from them.

  On the phone with them, that list fits me to a T.

  Must BS them on the phone to hide who I really am.
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  EmptyInside

  I must say my mother gave me pretty much freedom,and my dad was just plain apathetic. It may have had something to do with the fact that I'm the youngest,and they were just worn out by the time they got to me,lol.