by sadiejive 13 Replies latest jw friends
Just a few quick questions...
How did you who got out of "the truth" deal with having a spouse who is still involved?
What did you do about situations involving your children (such as holidays, birthdays, blood issue, religious upbringing, sports-YMCA/karate)?
Since I am the "wife" I feel like I am in a doubly awkward position due to the "submission" issue. Any suggestions, advice, opinions????
Thanks,
Sadie
I love that show. Al Bundy was cool. And Kelly was the prettist.
You're in a very difficult situation. I would try as best as you can to ignore the whole "submission" issue. It's a ridiculous teaching/rule that you no longer have to follow, I wouldn't even give it credit by acknowledging that it exists.
You are doing better Fred! 13 words and only 1 spelling error! (He can lift a ton he just can`t spell it!) A constant in an ever changing world....
Hey fred i love that show too,did you see the episode when somebody rang the doorbell and Al got up and said "i do hope thats some jehovahs witnesses so i can have a deep meaningfull conversation" while he reaches for his baseball bat".....classic!
I left my JW husband at the same time I quit the dubs. Both were bad situations. I hope your marriage isn't in the state mine was.
My current husband tried to leave when he had a zealous JW wife (his first wife). He tried to stick it out in the marriage for quite a few years, but she made it evident that she didn't want to be his wife if he didn't plan to be a JW. Why put all that effort into someone who's going to die soon? They ended up divorcing.
I know people who have been successful in leaving the religion and maintaining a good marriage with a believing spouse, but I think it's a difficult thing to do. Since he believes he has the headship, your husband is going to try to control things like holidays, the blood issue, etc. Even if you don't want to display submission, it's difficult to buck a man who's intent on getting his own way. I hope you'll be able to reason with him and that he loves you enough to listen. You'll probably have to make compromises when it comes to raising the children, though.
I wish you luck. What you're going through certainly isn't easy.
Julie
As stated, you are in a difficult situation. My wife and her kids (from her previous marriage) still go and are trying to be even better at it. Her brats use my DAing as an excuse to have nothing to do with me, but are more than willing to take advantage of what I provide.
The wife claims she is submisive, but any fool can see it is org she is submissive to. Of course, I would rather have a wife who is my equal and walks with me, not behind or ahead of me.
I don't have to worry about holidays and such, but I do participate in some with my grown daughters from my first marriage and their children. If the wife doesn't like it, that's her problem.
What I hate is how often she checks with the elders at her KH to see if she should do some of the things I try to get her to do, such as asking JWs who come over and snub me in my house to get their asses out! Naturally, she won't do that, so I do.
When I go to my daughters for a holiday or something, I don't even invite the wife and her brats. If they say they would like to go, I remmind them that they are JW and can't participate in such things. Of course, when her oldest daughter turned 16 and I took all of them out for dinner at Red Lobster, their conscience didn't seem to bother them at all. They all had Lobster and all the trimmings and of course, I got the bill. Then, after, I didn't get so much as a thank you Lew for a nice dinner. When it was mentioned, I got an "I guess I should say thanks."
The wife and brats don't seek my advice, guidance, or help on much of anything, especially Bible stuff. In fact, her kids act like I am invisible and she spends all her time with her brats and the KH and other dubs. That is, until she wants sex or money.
I put up with (not really, I just go and do my own thing as often as I can, alone) simply because I don't wish to lose another house in a divorce. Sooner or later, they will probably leave and find a good dub brother for whatever they wish. When they do, I feel really sorry for them.
Personally, if you wish to celebrate holidays and such, go right ahead. When hubby objects, remind him that head of the house doesn't mean boss and dictator.
If he feels he is the boss, remind him that boss spelled backwards is double s oh bee.
Good luck and follow your own heart. If he ever gets outrageous or dangerous, get the hell away from him, don't stick it out!
If God's Spirit is filling a Kingdom Hall, how is it that Satan can manuever the ones within that Kingdom Hall at the same time?
Thanks for the responses
Fred: I like that show too. Al was pretty cool.
Snowflake: Hi. Thanks...but I feel as if I would be defeating my purpose if I say that I am trying to do the right things (and I don't feel like the WTS is teaching the right things) then I just ignore the fact that the bible tells us that women should be in submission to their husbands. I would appear to be more of a rebel than a seeker of truth. But thank you for the suggestion, nonetheless. If in the long run, I come to my own conclusion that the bible and God are nothing more than fables...then I'll ditch the submission thing .
Waygooder64: I don't know Fred very well...so I won't comment. Thanks for stopping by.
Toddy: Hate that I missed that one. I do remember, though, an old movie with Eddie Murphy called Coming to America (I think that was the name of it) where a guy opens the door and immediately slams the door in the persons face. When asked who it was at the door, he says, "It was just some of them Jehovahs Witnesses." It was a hilarious movie, if you don't mind some filthy language...LOL.
sadie
Subtlty is the only way to go about it. Accentuate his fears, and LISTEN TO HIM COMPLAIN, always seem objective but get him to make the calls. I'd fade slowly away, or invent an ailment...worked for me. You have to hit them at the right time with the right information.
Call it personal study at first, then hit him with the crazy-mind bending JW falacies one by one. The house'll start to crumble.
ashi
Julie: I'm sorry. I would hate for my marriage to end in divorce. I would hope that things could be reconciled but things are looking more and more hopeless. I've recently began attending "church" with my ma-in-law (hubs mom) and wanted to take the children. I was even willing to compromise and let him take them to the KH on Tues and Thurs and me take them w/me on Sun. He absolutely refused. Even went so far as to say, in a disgusted tone, My kids will not set foot in a church. I was shocked I suppose. We aren't baptized by the way. He is just really convinced that this is the truth. And, now...even more so....I am convinced that it is not.
My marriage isn't perfect but honestly, my husband and I get along really well. I feel like we have a good marriage and other than this issue (and 1 or 2 other minor ones) we don't really disagree about much either. Nowadays, the only time we argue, it is because of religion...or something resulting from it (holidays...my son's b-day is Feb 21).
Thanks for the advice and sorry for rambling...
DakotaRed: Your situation sounds a lot like mine...a bit more advanced though. My kids are only 5(going on 6) and 3. They really haven't formed any opinions as far as religion is concerned....yet. That is another of my concerns. I realize that your children are your step children but would your own children treat you that way if they were in the truth and you were not. The only advantage that I can see that I have is that I haven't been baptized. So, I haven't been and can't be DF'd or have to DA myself. Since I haven't been baptized, would my family be advised to shun me? I really wanted to get all of this worked out before the kids get much older....but the likelihood of that is looking very slim. I'm sorry for your situation. I, too, have been married before and lost a lot...materially and emotionally. It's not a fun thing to experience and once a lifetime is plenty.
I probably will go ahead and celebrate the birth of my son. Also, I've already purchased Valentine cards for him to give to his classmates. I just don't know how to go about it. I don't want to be conspiring behind my hubs back. But if I just out and do it right in front of my husband then it will be a literal Holy War. Oh well, I suppose I'll cross that bridge...next week...LOL.
I wish you the best and thank you for your advice!!!
Sadie
