"I just turned 20 years old. Like many I was raised as a JW. My dad is a devout elder much loved in the KH. My mother if very involved in the FS. daily witnesing, every JW cliche....she's it. All my life I've had my doubts about being a witness. Is it really the Truth? Is the NWT the true bible? Do I believe in God? All very common questions among others. I was baptised in 07'. Not because I wanted to, but because it was expected of me. And if I didnt get baptised, as you all know, your looked upon as bad association, goaless, and "on the border", even worldy. My brother did it, so I did. I've been falling off in the past two years. I havent done much of anything. I avoid FS WHENEVER possible. When I do go out, I leave the magazine and say "have a nice day", hoping I won't get "brotherly" advice from whomever i'm working with at the time. I give comments at the meetings maybe once every two months. I associate with no one from the hall. Not that there's any "good" association anyway thankfully in our hall. I look forward to work three days a week to give myself something fun to do. (love my job at Disney). Currently i've been given several assignments at the KH. Mike carrying and stage. #1 &3 talks. woohoo . I avoid them if possible. Fake sick or something. My parents have noticed my stone "progress" and have discussed it on many occasions with me, attemting to subtly "encourage" me whenever they can. I ignore it. I love them but just don't want to disappoint them, which will happen inevitably when I leave and they'l likely never speak to me again. Great work Society. . Anyway, main question is...what sort of view of people and the world did you have as a witness? At work theres an elderly woman that I see every so often. She is beaming every single day and when I ask how she's doing, she says in the most sincere way that she is soo blessed and happy. When I see people like, I can't help but think what am I doing."
Only 20 and grew up around the Witnesses? You probably hate hearing this, but those who grow up around the Witnesses typically do have a complete and utter lack of perspective, along with lack of appreciation for what they have. But that is common--teens and young kids from every walk of life, Witness or not, tend to not appreciate what they have until they've thrown it away and burned down the bridges leading back. Such is the folly of youth...
Another ancient saying: you get what you put in--if you put in nothing, then you get nothing in return. You say that you avoid participating in meetings, you make no effort whatsoever to get to know anybody, you only work in FS barely enough to hate it and you aren't honest and open with your parents. That is not on the WT, that is on you. It is a Hell and isolation of your own making, and it will probably not go away simply by leaving the WT. You'll find a new place, it will be great for a few months to a year, and then the newness will fade and you'll fall into much the same pattern of boredom, distrust and isolation. You've got to change your attitude first and foremost if you want to be happy, not your religion. Learn to appreciate and make the most of what you have and who you have.