J-dub elders throwing a wrench in funeral services for my nephew (page 3)

PSacramento

I'm sorry but, what seems to be the issue because it was a suicide?

The JW's do not allow a funerals service for a suicide in the KH?

Thank you all. Ryan truly was a victim. OTWO, I truly hope we can convince Carol that a eulogy is in order, maybe more than one person speaking. My brother is not in good health and has difficulty standing for long and I am not sure he will feel capable of doing this. It is all still very much up in the air. Still no obituary in the paper either. I thought they would at least put in a short one stating arrangements are pending, but I guess Carol is having them wait. Many friends already know due to facebook and I bet they are wondering what is taking so long.

Blues Brother - I talked last night to Donutstogo. He used to be in my sister's congregation, but he and his wife are no longer witnesses. They are good Christians. He said that another congregation in this circuit had done 2 funerals at the KH for suicide victims. That cong disbanded and their elders are now at my sister's cong, so he thought they would probably be willing to do this. But her cong had a big shakeup last year, elders removed, etc., and their PO now is ex-military guy, very strict and by the book, so I am sure he weighed in heavily on their decision.

I wish this would make my family wake up to the truth about this organization, but I think they are just going to be stronger in their faith than ever with this. Even they are being so failed in their time of need.

mimimimi

Arrangements have finally been made. My brother is going to use the Watchtower outline and deliver the "talk". He is not an elder. Carol decided she did not want to ask an elder. She was probably afraid they would turn her down once they went through their "research" and soul searching. It will be a visitation and service an hour later on Saturday at a local funeral home - Marks Mortuary in Wood River. I don't know if my ex-brother in law knows yet. I know he and one of my other nephews and a bunch of friends will still have their own thing. I told him that if the times do not conflict, I would go to both.

I never expected that our family would have to go through this. My mother is elderly, but I think she has already made plans for her funeral and told those who need to know for when she passes. She will, of course, have a KH service, which I expected. If this were an accident and not suicide, there would have been no problem. I am not surprised by what has happened here, but I feel just sickened by it. I truly wish this would wake up my family, but unfortunately I know that will not happen.

BluesBrother

I am glad that things are at least settled...It may be over on Saturday but the bad feelings and disappointment in people will linger on for a long time. Those elders have done themselves no favours..

agonus

Suicide victims being granted a funeral at the KH would imply that "Spiritual Paradise" might not be all it's cracked up to be... and that's not something the WT can abide.

mimimimi

Their spiritual paradise always was a farce. Spiritual hell, more like.

OnTheWayOut

Strength to you dealing with this.

You might be a bug about it, but still press for a eulogy and/or others coming up and saying their thoughts.
He could either say that "While we are not here to disagree with each other, we will allow family and close friends to come up and share their thoughts."
Anything like that shows a kindness for allowing non-JW's up to the stand. Remember, it ain't in a Kingdom Hall and women and non-JW's can speak.
Otherwise, he could specifically name a couple of family members to come up, controlling who approaches to say something to the group.

Just some quick thoughts as you only have a brief time before it's all locked down.

Encourage the dad and family to come to the visitation and tell them they can walk out if they don't want to hear the talk.

mimimimi

It turns out the dad and his brother were told the service was at 11:00, but they were not told about the visitation at 10:00. Well now they know because I told them. I think they were being deliberately excluded from the visitation. I think that is unbelievably rude. I am sure there will be plenty of people there besides witnesses, and Snakes in the Tower and Donutstogo and his wife will be there. Well, Snakes works Saturday, but he said he was going to try to work things around to come. He and Donuts have been a tremendous comfort to me this week.

I think everyone is going to keep in mind that this is an occasion to respect and honor Ryan and there should not be any problems. I guess Carol did not tell the dad and brother about the visitation because she knew the witnesses would not want to associate with them. Anyway, the dad and brother are having another wake/memorial, but were waiting to schedule it once they knew when Carol's would be so it would not interfere. So I will be going to the second one, too. Which reminds me, I need to let Snakes know about the second one. He originally said he would prefer to go to that one, especially if the first one was at the KH.

mimimimi

Well, this is what I get for assuming. The dad just told me that Carol did not deliberately exclude them from the visitation. She just got distracted by her son before she finished telling the whole thing. I am sure it is very hard for her to keep all her thoughts straight right now. This is such a nightmare.

mamalove

Not having a funeral in any place the family wants it is just sad and judgmental. Who cares the way he died? It is still so sad, and warrants proper recognition and closure, and comfort if possible for the family. I am sorry. I hope they come up with a solution soon.

J-dub elders throwing a wrench in funeral services for my nephew

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