Mini
Were you a magnet, Lee?
I was Min and no that isn't a stupid question at all. It is actually quite a good one considering how many victims have multiple abusers.
When we teach children they have to kiss Uncle Bill goodnight when he comes to visit or that they should go sit on Grandpa's knee or give "sister" X a hug before she leaves and we ignore the child's discomfort we are teaching them that their feelings don't matter, that hurting someone else's feelings is a bad thing. But some kids already know that sitting on that lap means a hand is slipped up where it shouldn't be or that that hug means a hand will grab just a bit too tightly where it shouldn't be. Maybe all they know so far is that it doesn't feel good.
If we don't teach children that they can just wave and smile across the room or offer an handshake then we are setting them up for a potential abuser.
I was a magnet because of a few important factors
- I was taught you never ever disobeyed an adult so you sat on that knee feeling an erection under me or the hand sliding up under my skirt
- I was taught to do what I was told whether I liked it or not
- I was taught that when it came to the word of an adult and a child the child would always be branded the liar
- Because I didn't get the love and affection I needed at home I became vulnerable when I tried to find it elsewhere - sadly predators saw that as a welcome invitation
I was sexually abused as a child from the age of 8 to 13 when I went into foster care (except for the 2 incidents with the first 2 on my list in the first post who were both minors and copping a feel). I was far safer with strangers than in my family. I was taught to be a victim and to shut up about it. And predators can spot a victim with ease.
I was actually surprised to find out how many other people were victims of multiple abusers throughout their childhoods. Too often mom kept getting involved with men who also abused children. My mother was sexually abused by her step-father. She turned around and married 3 men who sexually abused children while they were in relationships where they were getting plenty of sex from their wives. So you can't even say they weren't getting any so turned to children.
Later on I was sexually abused as an adult by 2 strangers, raped by someone I knew and sexually abused by my JW-elder husband over the 15 years of our marriage. When I finally learned that I had a right to say NO the abuse stopped. The last straw for me was when a guy exposed himself to me in the subway/metro. I walked away from him and outside only to see a police car which I went directly to and reported the guy. The guy disappeared back into the metro when he saw me talking to the police. The police and I went down after him thinking he would be long gone but saw him on his way back up. They nailed him. He begged and pleaded for me not to place charges which I refused.
For me there was a huge feeling of empowerment to report this guy. We were standing on the street and they guy is yelling he is sorry. A crowd is gathering and all I can think in "Never Again"
It has been 25 years since then and not 1 incident. To me that speaks volumes
