someone said that noone posts anything fun in the forum anymore.
*walks up to the mic*
ahem....
three guys go to a ski lodge. there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.
in the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “i had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!”
the guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too.
then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “that’s funny, i dreamed i was skiing!”
*pauses for the laughter to die down*
an 85-year-old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. the geezer’s given a jar and told to bring back a sample. the next day he returns to the doctor’s office with an empty jar.
“what happened?” says the doc.
“well,” the old man starts, “i asked my wife for help. she tried with her right hand, then her left—nothing. then she tried her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. we even called in arlene, the lady next door, but still nothing.”
the doctor bursts out, “you asked your neighbor?”
“yep. no matter what we tried, we couldn’t get that damn jar open.”
*more applause*
*takes a sip of water*
a circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer, and two young people show up for the tryout. one is a handsome lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
the circus owner tells them, “i’m not going to sugar coat it—this is one ferocious lion. he ate my last tamer, so you guys better be good or you’re history. here’s your equipment: a chair, a whip, and a gun. who wants to try out first?”
the girl says, “i’ll go first.” she walks past the chair, the whip, and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. the lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. about half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
the lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. he continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.
the circus owner’s mouth drops to the floor. he says, “i’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” he then turns to the young man and asks, “can you top that?”
the young man replies, “no problem, just get that lion out of the way.”
thank you...
*reaches over and accepts bouquets of roses*
*leans over shakes a babies hand and kisses it's mother*