Not Getting Over It! Ex-JWs Face Residual Psychological, Physical Damage

by TMS 44 Replies latest jw friends

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  Masterji

  JMS

  Hang in there.

  M
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  OnTheWayOut

  Great post, I salute you for doing the right thing with your son.

  My wife and I would be interesting studies for mental health professionals although neither of us believe in talk or
  chemical therapy.

  I understand that many cannot or will not seek therapy, but I have not heard of ex-JW's not believing in talk therapy.
  Would you tell us why that is? I respect your rights not to participate, but I would like to hear what's up and hear what approach you do recommend.
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  Think About It

  TMS......bravo for putting your family ahead of the WTS rules. You are a true man & father.

  Think About It
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  tec

  I commend you for standing by your son! You lost a lot of time to the WT, but you refused to let them take your son from you. That is something to be thankful for.

  I don't usually respond to the threads that discuss the results of leaving after so many years. I never joined JW's. I studied, I thought they were inspired by God -and only them -but I changed my mind just before joining. So I don't have that experience to draw upon to answer someone who has had the experience.

  I can only tell you that for all the mistakes I have made in my life, I never ever look back. No matter how great the loss. If I can learn from a mistake, great. But looking back and regretting what I lost would drive me to heartache and bitterness and depression.

  Be proud that when push came to shove, you did what was right. And you don't ever have to regret not standing by your son.

  Tammy
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  Darth plaugeis

  Remember all those things we experienced make us better people. Yes heartbreak, the years stolen from us. Things we allowed our families to suffer thinking it was for their own good. We blame ourselves. Yet some how we became stronger going Thru these things. to say "I know. . . . "Get over it!" No you will never get over it. You and your family are SURVIVORS. Hold your head high you lived thru it to tell your tale. Thanx 4 sharing.
• 

  Quandry

  Your story is mine-just change the son to daughter. She was 16. Df'd for petty teen stuff. Yes, we fell from grace, also.

  Hubbie elder. Me-super elder's submissive wife.

  Yes, health problems for us both. Did you know that a person can have shingles and not even be aware? The stress was such that I don't know how long I had it until finally one day I realized that my back was stinging under my bra strap. When I finally looked, it was as if I was burned all across my back.

  Husband-angry. Wanted to hurt five-man JC. Angry at not saying things he wished he'd said. Angry at being in an entry-level job never saving for retirement. Angry for losing over thirty years of his life.

  Me-in college at 58. Probably will never see a degree, but love to learn. Angry at being in an entry-level job. Angry at losing over thirty years of my life.

  Yes, it gets better. Never goes away. It is always there like a suitcase filled and ready to be carried, and sometimes jumps onto your back when you don't expect it.

  We have finally gotten to the point, though, where we find a bit of humor in our years as JWs.

  No, we can't "get over it." Glad you are back to some happy times. Strive for more! We can't let them have any more of our time!!!!

  Yes, only others like us can understand, and I do.
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  Quandry

  I wanted to ask....how is your son? My daughter went through such trauma. Still does from time to time. She is in college studying Biology.
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  cskyjw.sun

  i am currently on medication
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  millions now living are dead

  I hear ya with the entry level job thing. That is my biggest depresser/shame spiral/rage inducer. I think about all the advantages I could of had if they would of just let me be, not mentioning being supportive. You have to get at the bottom of all this stuff and it's not easy. I don't believe you have to carry this shit around for the rest of your life. Be sincere in your intent to heal and things start happening. One thing I was doing and still do to a degree is that I feel somewhat isolated and superior. Like I'm special still. Like I have the "truth" even if it's just my truth. It stopped me from progressing, going to therapists, and the like. Realizing you are just a human like every on else is very liberating. You can connect with those we were taught to shun and look down on. You can even begin to understand those who wounded you.

  Choosing your son over some f*cked up machine, soul sucking, life killing mirage means you chose love and it opened your eyes. What's the bumper sticker say, "The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off"

  Mil
• 

  wobble

  I don't think we should ever expect to "get over" it, if we have been in for a long time.

  I was born in ,and stayed in for 58 years.

  I think it is like a Concentration Camp survivor, the memory is always with you, but you do move on, you have to.

  The problem is for us with most of our family still in, the pain continues.

  For example. at the Weekend the first of my great Nieces had an Engagement party. Great Uncle Wobble and Great Aunt (Mrs Wobble) knew nothing about it, were not invited.

  My Uber-Dub sister told me about it last night, saying "Oh you would have enjoyed it because......"

  Now the reality is we probably would have made excuses and not gone as it would have been all the Dubs we have known for 60 years that were there. But there is a degree of hurt.

  We have to ignore the past and some of the present to remain happy.