~~ from the "other JWN" : You Are Defective

by chickpea 10 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • chickpea
    chickpea

    the tripe factory is in full production

    http://jehovahs-witness-news.blogspot.com/2010/03/manufactures-alert.html

    T he Maker of all human beings (JEHOVAH GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named “Adam” and “Eve,” resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed “Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality,” or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

    Some of the symptoms include: 1. Loss of direction
    2. Foul vocal emissions
    3. Amnesia of origin
    4. Lack of peace and joy
    5. Selfish or violent behavior
    6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
    7. Fearfulness
    8. Idolatry
    9. Rebellion

    The Manufacturer, Jehovah God, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.

    The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

    The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
    Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

    No matter how big or small the SIN defect is,

    Jehovah God will replace it with: 1. Love
    2. Joy
    3. Peace
    4. long suffering
    5. Kindness
    6. Goodness
    7. Faith
    8. Mildness
    9. Self control

    Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. for further details on the use of these fixes.

    WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jehovah, through Jesus.

    DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped into everlasting destruction. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter paradise so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention.

    P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by ‘Knee mail,’ through his son, Jesus.

  • sir82
    sir82
    The Maker of all human beings (JEHOVAH GOD) is recalling all units manufactured,

    This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units,

    The Manufacturer, Jehovah God, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect

    In what other circumstance would the "manufacturer" of "malfunctioning units" not be "liable or at fault".

    It makes no sense.

    Toyota, for example, I'm sure would love to have that deal.

  • yknot
    yknot

    The 'other JWN' ..... is sucking from the tit of Babylon the Great...

    Umm that is a bit of a 'rip-off from Rick Ezell

    http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Sins-Highly-Defective-People/dp/082542531X

  • Mad Sweeney
    Mad Sweeney

    "It makes no sense."

    Which makes it all seem perfectly logical in Dub-land.

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze

    P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by ‘Knee mail,’ through his son, Jesus.

    Knee-mail, how very clever. I damn near bust a gut.

  • cofty
    cofty
    The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

    Yeah right...

    Now, none of us know whether our life may end unexpectedly. So it is clearly wise to keep at a high level our zeal and activity in serving Jehovah. That way we will maintain our good name with him and keep living with our eternal future in view. - The Watchtower, 15 August 1997, p.13.

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff

    Who is this guy? I am seeing in my minds eye coke bottle glasses, a Pentium 486 with dial up connectivity, and being surrounded by the Babyon the Great book with Aid book open on the table.

    Knee mail my @$$..... Love it. JW's need to keep posting on the internet, even if it is parroting the company line, so that the truly honest hearted ones will have the opportunity to be exposed to the information about JW's out there.....

  • sir82
    sir82

    Google this:

    Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality

    Looks like every fundamental evangelical yadda yadda yadda Christian group has some version of this.

    Poor JWs...not even very original.

  • keyser soze
    keyser soze

    Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. for further details on the use of these fixes.

    Pay special attention to the old testament, to see how truly defective the manufacturer himself is.

  • notverylikely
    notverylikely

    Pentium 486

    Dude, really?

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