Has anyone tried to prevent ex-spouse from training the kids as JWs?

by Michelle365 51 Replies latest watchtower bible

• 

  Michelle365

  I am at the point in my custody battle where I need to decide if I'm gonna "go for the gold" and bring religion into the fight. My lawyer thinks I have a chance based on the parental alienation aspect of the religion. I'm df'd and my kids are being raised to turn against me. They are being raised that I am "bad". He thinks I have a very viable case. However, I'm concerned about taking on that beast of the WBTS and their many manipulative ways.

  My other option is to just not ever bring it up and allow the kids to go with their father to meetings and service when they are with him.

  I really am quite paralyzed with indecision at this point. Any thoughts, experiences, ideas, and insights are welcome!
• 

  blondie

  I was a child in a family with a jw and a non-jw. I would say to clearly teach your children your beliefs without trashing the ex-husband. Let the childre make their own choice, let actions they observe be the teacher, not just words.
• 

  Think About It

  If you are the one that gives them a normal childhood and sense of normalcy at school the JW religion will not have much influence on them and it won't take long for them to dislike it. I would make it clear to the husband that nothing of the JW religion goes to school with these children.

  Think About It
• 

  Michelle365

  Thanks Blondie. That's what I'm doing now and have been doing for 3 years. However, the more I read this board the more paranoid I become. There's so many stories of people losing their children/parents/sibs. I'm scared that what I'm doing is not enough and they may chose the JW way. I wish I could feel more confident in what I'm doing. I'd like to hear examples of things that the non-JW parent can do. I'm an athethist, so I feel like my ex has GOD and I have "yeah you know there's nothing out there' lol. I feel like it's ME against my ex, his family, the whole congo, and JEHOVAH. How does my example and my beliefs compete?

  Is there anything that stands out to you that your non-JW parent did?
• 

  teel

  Fortunately I can't give you any first hand advice. However if you decide to bring the religion in, read with your lawyer the booklet entitled "Preparing for Child Custody Cases", published by the WTS to prepare JWs. It's a very special order item, most JWs don't even know about it. I'm sure someone here will be able to provide you with a digital copy.
• 

  JWoods

  There was a thread a while back about a case between a Catholic father and a Jewish mother. The court ordered the father (temporarily) to not force his religion on the kid. He quickly broke the court order, and got into trouble.

  However - Isn't this now being considered a landmark case, and possibly the religious order will be struck down by appeal?

  In practicality, I would agree with Blondie - just give the kids a normal point of view and they will very likely respond to it.
• 

  Michelle365

  Think About It-- my ex does whatever the f*ck he wants regardless of what I say or however it affects the children. He takes them out of school anything there is a party for a holiday. (they are in 1st & 2nd grade so they still do that) Here's a recent example, Mother's Day is coming up and the school is doing a fundraiser where I can buy little cakes for them to decorate and bring home for me. I asked the girls if they wanted to. They said yes. I sent the money in. They went to their father's for a visit. They call me crying that they can't make the cakes and that Daddy will get mad and they don't want to get in trouble and will I please not *make* them do it.

  Same scenerio for every holiday or non JW sanctioned school event. Sometimes, I literally feel as if I'm losing my mind. I don't want to push them to do it or else I feel as if I'm the same as him- pushing them NOT to do it. I really don't know the best way how to handle these kinds of situations. This is the kind of stuff I'm looking for advice on and the reason for my initial question. I can't decide if it actually would be better for the kids to fight this fight for them.
• 

  Michelle365

  oooh thanks Teel! I do need a copy of that.
• 

  Michelle365

  JWoods- I just worry if that is *enough*. I'm SO worried that they will get baptized and cut me off. Just being a normal balanced mom doesn't seem like enough to combat the cult brainwashing.
• 

  blondie

  Michelle, all I can say is the negative approach won't work. Regardless of his religious status, your daughters love their father. As to the cake issue, I would just get some cakes and decorations and do it at home without it being connected with a holiday. Perhaps you can donate them to a nursing home and your daughters go in to see who are receiving them or bring them to school for a treat. The bigger issues are things about how to live their lives today, how to show love, care about what happens to others. People don't become jws over the birthday or holiday issues.