Friend of mine wants out

torn in two son

I'm fourteen. My closest friend is fourteen. We've been friends, for fourteen years. With my family's slow fade (still in the early stages), I decided for myself that it was right to tell her what was happening. She's known that JW's have had many problems and are essentially BS for years now. She never said much of it to myself, because -until recently - i was pretty zealous. Now with my family slowly fading, I'm watching my closest friend still being held in by her VERY VERY VERY zealous JW parents. She wants out, but there's a small problem.

Her sister was DF'd about 2, 3 years ago.

Her parents haven't taken it well, now piling on more JW mish-mash in order to "keep her faith strong". She's afraid that if she stepped away, it'd tear up her parents. I told her I can always be her guy to vent to, but at the moment, she's seems to be stuck. She doesn't want to be in AT ALL, but she doesn't want to hurt her parents anymore than they already are. Any advice for my friend?

Torn In Two Son

choosing life

While she is still under her parent's roof, she may have to accept some involvement with this religion. My only advice would be to get a good college education and methodically work on being able to support herself before rocking the boat too hard.

Alwayshere

Very good advice Choosing life. That is what I have been telling my Grandson.

Heaven

torn in two son, what is the legal age in your area for you and your friend to obtain employment?

One thing I did when I was a teenager was I put together my plan for life. At 13, I took babysitting jobs for my spending money, to begin to save for College, and acquire skills that could be documented on a resume. At 16, the legal age in Ontario, Canada to gain employment, I got a part-time job. That ensured I was busy AND helped me save for some of my College education. It also gave me some more valuable skills to put on a resume. I lived on a farm so between chores, school homework, and my job, I had no time for WTS activities. Even the home Bible Book Study stopped happening because all of our schedules just didn't align anymore with this as we kids got older. All 3 of us kids had jobs in our teens. When I graduated from high school, I moved out and into the city away from my parents. I wanted my own life and my own space. I visited and called them but I made sure I didn't live too close as I didn't want any JW type interference. Of course, once I got my full-time job after graduating from College, I was very busy with that. Lots of overtime, shift work, weekend work, and on-call/standby makes you quite unavailable to the JW world. Also, none of us were baptized during my childhood so that probably made it easier. My folks didn't get baptized 'til I was an adult and had my own life.

dgp

Choosing life gave great advice. She isn't independent until now, and she needs to work on that. Her mind is already free, so herself being free is just a matter of time.

nelly136

what the others said, wait try and get an education and try and save a bit of money as soon as she is able.

time really does fly and it really wont be that long until shes able to leave, but it does help if you've at least got some money saved in case you get thrown out of your home when you do,

does your friend have any contact with her dfd sister? would her sister help her when shes old enough to make her own choices?

Nephilim

College, college, college! Make sure you get the general ed out of the way first and then try out a few different things you are interested before picking a major. It'll save you a lot of grief.

OnTheWayOut

It's hard to tell someone in that situation what they should do. Probably best to cover all the options.
She's 14, so telling Mom and Dad that she won't go to the Kingdom Hall anymore might be difficult. Even just going, but saying how she doesn't believe it all is tough. Still, there is a possibility that she could manage to say some things about it.

She can just go along and keep quiet until she moves out of the home when she's of age. She doesn't have to really participate. She can decide to be or not to be on the theocratic school. I personally recommend that- just going along, but I would probably have zero participation, especially if I were unbaptized. "I will go, but I will just observe." I would also feel free, as the unbaptized one, to stay in contact with the DF'ed sister.

EmptyInside

It is a hard situation. But, as others have mentioned she should concentrate on her education. And realize she still needs to respect her parents and their guidance. And as no one here knows her parents, it would be hard to advise her whether or not she can be open to them about her feelings towards the religion. Some parents may be understanding, but, then others my become harsh and demanding and may even punish her for her honesty. So, sadly, she may have to just go with the flow until she becomes a legal adult and able to move out on her own.

Black Sheep

she doesn't want to hurt her parents anymore than they already are.

Our parents chose to raise us as JWs and if they suffer when we leave their cult, that is their doing. Not ours. They knew the shunning policy before they read us our first 'Bible story'.

We didn't ask to be raised in a false religion. We were innocent children. We knew nothing about killer Gods and failed prophesies. That was their doing and if they don't answer our questions with honesty and integrity, without bullying and psychological warfare, then they deserve to suffer the consequences.

It is not our fault.

Cheers

Chris

Friend of mine wants out - small problem