I have a serious problem (page 3)

Oubliette

MNIONC: My wife will not permit me to talk to him unless she is present.

Dude, be the man.

You're awake but you're letting your still asleep wife boss you around.

You gotta' grow a pair and soon.

I appreciate your suggestions. Let me ask you something: Have you ever been in this situation? Maybe you have. It is easier said than done to "grow a pair". When the whole system is against you and you have no one to talk to directly about your feelings, it is extremely difficult. Every time I put my foot down, it gets stepped on not only by my wife but by this elder as well. I could try to be a tyrant and an a-hole to my family, but would that really solve anything?

label licker

You should go to her elders and tell them that she is not in subjection to your headship and that your boy is being trained to do the same. He is to honor the mother and the father. That is a commandment! And since when does a wife get together with an elder who is buying gifts for them. This is so wrong on so many levels. If anyone is going to buy a first car for their son, it should be the father and mother. Not another man and your wife. Tell the elders you think this guy has something for your wife and you can't trust that he might be a pedophile. Don't pedo's groom their victims with gifts first?

There's a couple not far from us who was helping out another couple's kids and the more they saw one another, the more feelings were developing until the wife of the one took off with the husband of the other. The kids want nothing to do with the religion now. Please take care of yourself and get them away from this evil cult.

BluesBrother

I can only say what I would do :

1) Go alone and knock on his door (without telling my wife) . Politely but firmly insist on a conversation about the way he treats my family. Make it plain that he must not study with my son until things are resolved, or be alone with my wife.

If he ignores that or fails to agree or dismisses you:

2) Approach the elders in a mature, "Christian " manner using Scriptural principles to support your case.

NB . I find this hard to say, and do not wish to cast aspersions on a good woman's character, but are you sure that there is no ulterior motive in his involvement with your wife and son?

cappytan

@My Name is of No Consequence: How old is your son?

My Name is of No Consequence

@ label licker:

Thank you for your suggestions. The brother sold the car to my wife for our son. He didn't give it to her but she claims she got a "good deal". I am upset about it because I didn't find out until after the deal was done.

Finkelstein

My Name is of No Consequence You must know by now that the WTS has a formula built into its system in how to deal with so called weak members, it usually involes, distancing from these people ( they may be controlled by Satan after all) separation, disrespect, annihilation, snubbing off as being immaturely irresponsible and so forth.

This system of retention was devised to just do that, to use fear and guilt as a means to control people to the benefit and sustainability of the organization as it exists.

You have a choice of where and what direction your going to take.

You may just say well I've lost the believability aspect to the faith, but I'll let the wife and child decide for themselves.

Or take the path to sit down with the family and strategically look at the WTS with an open analytical mind and review its goodness as an organization with your family and maybe even further on a humanitarian perspective.

All the best in any case ........ Fink.

DesirousOfChange

Your wife, along with this "brother" is totally disrespecting and circumventing your authority,boundary, and space. They have, in effect dismissed you as the boys father.

If it were me, I'd show up after one of their weekend meetings and demand to meet with the whole body of elders and point blank them on what is going on and ask if they would tolerate such disrespect in their own home.

Play the headship card

I agree with OutForGood.

And that car business is BS, (unless it really was a good deal for the kid).

How old is your son? Old enough to drive, I assume. You do need to exercise caution because he is at the age that he will want to assert his independence and not be totally subject to Daddy. (Plus they are telling him to "obey God rather than men" -- meaning YOU.)

Doc

stan livedeath

no consequence.: can i ask--are you the breadwinner in the family--? are you in charge of the household finances ?

Crazyguy

I'm having a little of the same problem, two of my boys study with a brother and of course since I don't go wife makes plans and does KH stuff with out ever asking or informing me sometimes. If you make to much of a problem they will use it against you. So what I am doing is taking all the opportunity to show my kids all my love show them a good time and slowly introduce things to them that prove the Bible is crap. In time I hope they will see the light of truth and I will win the war even if I loose a lot of battles along the way.

I have a serious problem

This system of retention was devised to just do that, to use fear and guilt as a means to control people to the benefit and sustainability of the organization as it exists.

You have a choice of where and what direction your going to take.

You may just say well I've lost the believability aspect to the faith, but I'll let the wife and child decide for themselves.

Or take the path to sit down with the family and strategically look at the WTS with an open analytical mind and review its goodness as an organization with your family and maybe even further on a humanitarian perspective.

All the best in any case ........ Fink.

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