confused, scared and worst of all, teenager.

torn in two son

My dad woke up about 3 years ago and said nothing. My sister woke up about a year ago. My mom about a month ago, myself shortly after. I realize this religion is a facade, it's man-made and fake, but i'm confused, scared and a teenager. I'm fourteen and joined this website for some help. We went from pretty hardcore JDubs to a agnostic/atheist/skeptic/deitest family. My family is changing fast and maybe it's because i've been brainwashed from childhood to believe Jehovah's Witnesses is the truth, while in the course of a week I realize that it's man-made, Jehovah dosen't exist (like losing Santa Claus x100000) and The Bible was written by a bunch of sex-deprived massaganistic (spell?) goat-herders. My closest friend of fourteen years is in a hardcore JW family, and my little cousin is like a little brother to me and I don't want to be shunned by that part of family. We're just JW's on the outside having to lie to friends and family that we believe it's the truth. Then again, I have a "worldly" girlfriend who i can confide in who is very supportive. My question is, is there other JW teenagers or not teenagers that know where I'm coming from? Are you still on the outside? Are you out now? How did you fade or go out cold turkey? Feedback ASAP would be great - I'm going crazy here. Sorry for the super-long post.

Torn In Two Son

P.S. I'm very fourteen if you hadn't guessed. Also, i'm the son of "Open Mind" on here so, if you know him then this is his son.

Tea drinker

Welcome to the board torn in two son.

I am in a similar situation to you in that I am awake to the Watch Tower. I am not a teenager but am in my twenties and still living at home as I have just recently finished university. I planned a slow fade but in the end it just turned into a lightning fade because I could not stand the meetings anymore.

None of my family are awake, although some are aware of my complete disbelief in Watch Tower doctrine. Things are difficult when around such people and, as you can imagine, the cult-speak is often intolerable. Having said that, the fact that your immediate family is also awake is good news as you can speak freely and openly to them; when I try that I am just told to shut up or am shouted at. I am currently seeing a counsellor and I can't even speak to my family about what I tell her as, when I try, they get angry at my speaking badly about "the truth." I cannot tell you how wonderful it would be for me to be able to speak to my family openly. I must emphasise again that you are fortunate in this respect.

The fact is, whatever happens, you will not lose your immediate family no matter what now. It is unfortunate, but in order to be true to yourself the time may come when your other friends will shun you.

As far as beliefs were concerned, I was relieved when I found out it was all wrong. It was as if a large weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I am still a Christian and my lifestyle has changed little (contrary to what the Witnesses always predict). As for your own beliefs, whatever path you take, I think and hope that you eventually settle down into something which feel comfortable to you.

All the best.

Black Sheep

Welcome to the forum, TITS.

LOL. I love your choice of user name.

You have been in a high control cult all of your life. It isn't going to stop having negative effects on you overnight.

You are very lucky having your immediate family leave with you. That is a luxury most of us don't get. Make use of it. Lean on each other for support.

If your cousins shun you, it is not your fault. They are the cult members. They make that choice.

There is not much you can do if they are not prepared to talk to you.

Stick around and ask questions.

Cheers

Chris

Black Sheep

All that stuff they taught you about worldly people being bad people is a load of crap.

Of course there are a few bad ones, so does the KH, but most of them are good people.

Most of your JW friends will run away so get on with making new ones.

Joining clubs and doing volunteer work is a good place to start, as is team sports.

Join any clubs that your GF is a member of, or would like to be a member of.

Just get yourself out there and do it.

Cheers

Chris

Aussie Oz

welcome. I am sure you will find lots of help. Full marks to you for reaching out!

I will follow your story closely. I was a JW for 27 years and apologized for them for another 12. I have a 16 year old son and 13 year old daughter who iare still in with their mother. I would like to get them out too. I am sure though that they will go through similar agony as you.

Oz

nugget

The bad news is that you may loose you current JW friends. IT is not because you are a bad person, it is because that is the way it works. You may even have done it to others yourself in the past. There is no malice it is just because it is the way it is done in this organisation.

The good news and believe me it is good news, is that you are only 14 you have an opportunity to live a full life without limits. In ordinary lives people make new friends as they move through different phases of their life, there are school friends, college friends, University friends, Work collegues, people you meet through clubs and sports. In the organisation we let many opportunities pass us by because we are told that these people can not be real friends but that is not true. You are soon about to embark on a new phase of your life new friendship opportunities will be there for you. Be aware of them and embrace them.

Regarding old relationships, who knows what will happen to these ones in the future. It is never pleasant to be shunned but if you stay approachable and friendly they may look for you in the future when and if they have doubts. If you are not baptised yet people may be wary of you but will also feel a bit sorry for you. Be prepared to be their friend always after all to shun or not is their choice. You can respect someones point of view you don't have to agree with it.

When I was your age my father moved for work many times and I had to make new friends every two years or so. It is possible. Set yourself goals, do things that allow you to meet new people and be friendly and approachable. You have made a start already. Use the board to vent that too is helpful. And talk to your family about how they can help you adjust.

cantleave

Welcome to the board Torn in Two Son. I am delighted you can see the truth behind it all. I was brought upo in the cult and didn't wake up until I was 42 so you are cleverer than me. Nugget is dead right (I've got to say that she is my wife!), you are only at the start of your life. Very few adults have the same group of freinds as they had when they were kids, people grow up and move on. It is always hard saying goodbye. The thing is life is cyclical, you may be able to renew those friendships in the future. A lot of your friends will leave the organisation, make sure you are there for them, becuase they will feel like you are now.

Best of luck making a wonderful life for yourself.

Heaven

Welcome, Torn In Two Son (son of Open Mind)! You have your whole life ahead of you and I wish you much success on your journey. I think you are very lucky that your immediate family is all out. This is definitely a good thing.

I am not a JW but my father is, as are some of my cousins and 1 aunt. I studied when I was a child and a teenager back in the 1960's and 1970's. I was told that I didn't have to go to College or University as 'the new system would be here shortly'. I just celebrated my 25th work anniversary. So much for the coming of 'Paradise Earth'.

I was about your age when I realized I could not be a JW, that God couldn't be directing the WTS, and that the JWs/WTS are just another man-made religion. So I never joined. But my parents finally got baptized after my Dad retired. All their children had grown and been moved out for many years at that point. My JW family members don't have much to do with the rest of us 'worldly' family and when my father was pioneering he wasn't around much. Once you become an adult, life gets pretty busy. Any time we see our JW family, they are usually very loving and stuff doesn't get too heavy. We avoid talking religion which is a good thing. Now that my father is starting to have age related issues, I'm all he's got. He can no longer function as a pioneer. My Mom passed away almost 8 years ago. I have always maintained a relationship with them, even though they did some very unloving, cultish type things. It is not easy. But I think you can do it. My strategy is always to show love all the time. When the cult stuff starts happening, depending on the topic, I either agree with them (if I truly do), I say nothing and change the subject or I calmly and quietly respond without emotion. JWs don't like people who don't agree with them. They like to make you angry when you don't agree with them and then they turn it back on you. Do not respond back with anger. This can be very difficult to do but it IS do-able. And the other hard part... do not hold a grudge. It is how I have maintained a relationship with my family all these years.

Mad Sweeney

It's a difficult situation no matter your age but the other posters are right. It is better that you found all this out now than when you're in your 30s, 40s, or even later. Relationships build over time, and you will gain and lose many over the course of your lifetime. I think Black Sheep recommended things like volunteer groups and team sports. I second those comments, especially team sports. If you don't happen to be athletic, join another type of social club that is related to your interests (band, theater, outdoor adventure, whatever). Also, it's not too late to prepare for college. I understand the dangers, but they're not as extreme as the WT would have you believe, and the benefits are greater.

zoiks

Welcome, Torn in Two Son! I will leave the sage advice to others on this board - there is a lot of combined experience to learn from. Hang in there, and be happy that you're still young and can truly direct the course of your life from here on out. (Still gotta listen to your parents though!)

confused, scared and worst of all, teenager.

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