My 16 year old son is starting to see the light

by vivalavida 26 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Aussie Oz

  I am very interested in your situation.

  My son is just 16 and is no doubt having the whole baptism thing getting pushed by his mother. As her and i are in legal mediation about the kids time with me, he understands that court may even be on the way. Perhaps this a good time to very carefully use that example of 2 sides of the story as well as i do beleive i have a duty to make sure he understands what he will face soon and the repurcussion that your son is finding.

  its really quite scary. I have had to work so hard to build a relationsgio with my son, and to think that some religion will turn it to nothing. So wrong.

  i will be back to re-read this when i have more time. Its probably the single most important subject on my mind.

  Oz
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  Black Sheep

  when told to shun me and when told to stop seeing the girl, he politely but firmly refused to do it

  Here is their rule from the Elder's manual, PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELVES AND TO ALL THE FLOCK, page 104.

  Normally, a close relative would not be disfellowshipped
  for associating with a disfellowshipped person unless there
  is spiritual association or an effort made to justify or
  excuse the wrongful course.

  All you two have to do is never discuss spiritual stuff in the presence of witnesses and they don't have an excuse to DF him for seeing you.

  They might get a bit hypo if they know he is getting info straight out of the manual, so make sure he doesn't mention it to them. If they try it on again, he could ask to see proof from their literature that talking to your father is a DF offence.

  Cheers

  Chris
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  vivalavida

  My girlfriends says exactly the same thing. He's a minor and they trying to walk all over my rights, the good thing though, is that he's very assertive. I just wanted to clarify that this situation was caused mainly by the elders, not by my ex. She actually does not have a problem with me seeing him as long as I don't go all 'apostate preaching' on him. However, I do mention Bible texts sometimes and show him how illogical some of the WTS application of texts are.

  On the other hand, I always stress the fact that he has the right to know, not only one side of the story, but both.

  Aussie, make sure you stress that you HAVE to be notified BEFORE he's getting baptized as long as he's a minor. In my case, they did all that behind my back thinking I'd oppose. I told my wife that I should have been told because that is supposed to be THE MOST important thing in his life (from her standpoint) and I wanted somehow to be part of it, that I felt betrayed and that it was worse than having him get married behind my back. She actually understood that point but it was already too late, he was already baptized and he has already told me that it was too soon, that he did it under pressure, pressure of getting privileges and so on.

  Well anyway, I'll keep you all posted about what happens next.

  Vivalivada
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  vivalavida

  Black Sheep - Thanks for the tip. I'll see how I will introduce it in our conversations somehow.

  VLV
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  LatinxJW

  Vida & OZ

  Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. Many like myself are in the same situation, this is encouraging to here positive results from others no matter how small. My children are pre-teens so I have to be extra careful on what I say and how I say it as they are in a very impressionable age. The last thing I need is for their mother to start calling me an apostate. Just like yourself (vida) my daughter told me about a 2 weeks before getting baptized, my ex did not mention one thing about her taking her questions. At that point if I objected it would make me look like some opposer in my daughters eyes so I regrettably let her get baptized. I will be addressing that and my son getting baptized ASAP
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  LatinxJW
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  cry

  Hi Viv, You sound like a wonderful father. I always believe that ultimately, life is simple. So, you can give your boy the facts as simply as you can. It is the WT that try to complicate everything, but your son will see through it. I myself have been in a similar situation with my boys, and I am so pleased that they have reasoned for themselves. Kids nowadays, are so much more astute than we were, and can handle different viewpoints much better. Let your relationship with him be the most important thing, and, hopefully everything else will fall into place. It did with me - I went from being the mum who would shortly be destroyed to being the mum who had im!portant knowledge to pass on My thoughts are with you. x