Question for elder/ex-elders

TweetieBird

Why do elders, in judicial committee meetings when dealing with immorality, have to ask so many personal questions, i.e. how many times, was oral sex involved, anal sex, how many times, etc. Is it really necessary or are the elders just getting off asking about someone else's sex life? What does it really matter? Sex is sex, immorality is immorality? Just curious! I have a JW friend that has been involved in having a sexual relationship with someone and wants to tell the elders about it (only because she does not want to be a hypocrite) but does not want to divulge all of the details.

AllTimeJeff

Elders are not supposed to ask such detailed and personal questions, but they often do.

It might be good for your friend to say that you talked to another elder who told your friend that she could confess without having to be explicit about it. Use words like intercourse, be prepared to give a time frame, and/or how many times, and that typically suffices.

Having said that, I can't vouch for any body of elders. It all depends on the men invovled....

AllTimeJeff

Also, if she only knew how hypocritical elders could be, she wouldn't worry about being a hypocrite. Seriously, elders are idiots. Some of the more self aware ones are vaguely aware that they are hypocrites. It's all good.

Cold Steel

I would certainly be for your friend repenting, but she has no obligation to tell the elders unless those elders were called and ordained of God, and there's no indication that they have. The ordinations all go back to the early 1900s and then they STOP. If they had authority, they'd go all the way back to Christ's ancient church.

Your friend should do as Jesus told the sinner. Go your way and sin no more.

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

It will vary. I've certainly heard of some that went too far. A CO explained that going into detail would reveal how remorseful or brazen the person was. I wasn't on many JCs, but here's a couple examples:

Reactions then would include those who cheerfully go into detail, a kiss-and-tell kind of dude, which I've witnessed. He thought he would be considered "repentant enough" when he told it all. What a user. Everybody felt bad for the girl. He was DFd.

Another case, she was remorseful and honest. It was only enough detail to determine that nobody else knew, she wasn't pregnant, and it wouldn't happen again. Private reproof.

gubberningbody

If someone would post that two-page letter to the BOE's I think you'd get the mindset. That was a real disconnect for me.

stillin9

gubberningbody,

I would be very interested in that. Some time ago I came across this page over at the JW Support forums and they had PDF's of private letters to BOE's and so forth. But I can't find the link anymore! I am not sure what you are reffering to was on there but they had a bunch of interesting stuff. I should have bookmarked it.

Stillin

AudeSapere

TweetieBird - Have your friend wait a few days or weeks before saying anything to the elders to give you and her a little time to explore your options.

JWD poster 'Confession' is a 3rd generation witness who served as elder for a number of years. He chose the alias 'Confession' because he had issues with the concept of confession. There are a lot of good writings from him regarding this subject. I'd suggest you have your friend read some of those.

-Aude.

is there help out there

Could it be that it turns then on and they go into the bathroom and jerkoff.

nelly136

perks of the job.

if they do want to know all the gory bits in detail and your friend doesnt tell that could be looked on as not being forthcoming/repentant enough.

(never been elder but i've sat through that kind of questioning)

Question for elder/ex-elders

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