Something that happened with an ex dub friend of mine prompted this post.He finally wrote a letter to his Elder father telling him how he really felt.I read the assorted corespondences.
In the letter to his father my friend mentioned that he could only remember 1 instance where father and son spent quality time together.
They spent an afternoon (1 afternoon)flying a kite down at the park.
That was the only pleasure incident he could remember with his dad.
I wept and wept reading that.
For it reminded me of my own dad.
I could barely remember any pleasure incidents either.
My father and I went on 3 camping trips, when I was a teenager.
We did that together.
All the rest of my memories were of him compelling me to do things I didnt want to do.
This causes me to wonder if this is a phenomena unique to the dubs.
No memory of quality time spent with your dad.
happy memories of my father
by refiners fire 13 Replies latest jw experiences
-
refiners fire
-
Scully
My dad would do things with my brothers... we would go on camping trips as a family and he'd take us out fishing... we would go on a family outing to the beach with other JWs. We did not go to movies in theatres. In the summertime we did manage one trip to the drive-in movie when they were playing Disney's "Song of the South" and it was even more special because it was a double feature with "Cinderella".
But quality, one-on-one time with my dad?? His idea of accomplishing that was to be our service partner on a Saturday morning, instead of pawning us off on the single sisters and brothers so he could work with one of his elder or ministerial servant buddies.
Ahh yes, how wonderful to spend 2 hours in the freezing cold with your daughter (who was not allowed to wear pants in -30C weather), teaching her to pester the hell out of people in the neighbourhood with Watchtower literature and threats of doom and destruction! I recall with vivid pleasure how he used to remind me to be on my best behaviour in case we called on teachers or classmates from school, or someone from his office!!
I'm going to plan to do that with my own daughters this weekend!!
NOT!
I think we'll go see "Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius" instead.Love, Scully
It is not persecution for an informed person to expose a certain religion as being false. - WT 11/15/63
-
flower
never again.
-
refiners fire
flower power
I thought your post was great.
Had a look at your website too. Nice little boy.
I feel very angry about the way you are feeling.Nobody deserves to be treated in such a way.Nobody deserves to feel trapped in a situation they cant escape from.Trapped by financial necessity.
Thought about your standing up to your (so called) father, you are 29?
Look at it this way, my friend was 40 before he told Daddy how he felt.Course his daddy deserved his sons wrath, as yours does.My friends father loves to quote the old testament at his kids in order to get them to be fawningly subservient, "death to the child that does not honor his father" type stuff.
This man has 4 grown children and he cant understand why NONE of his kids wants anything to do with him. As they sow, thus shall they reap, flower.
Im a little concerned about you, Frankly, I dont like the idea you feel depressed. Hey, Email me. I mean it.
Address is right there under my name on the post.Thought about your typed entry cutting out too. Are you on dial up internet? may be a time limit on how long you can linger in one place imposed by your internet supplier. I suggest you ,while typing your post,keep occassionaly goin back into a website and move around a little to beat their timing check. LOL.
-
flower
will i be stupid enough
-
Billygoat
Some good memories of my father?
5 years old
- Sledding in a snowy park with him and his girlfriend after school.
- Feeding the ducks at that same park in the summer.
- Dad reading me bedtime stories every night!
- Dad holding my hand the first time I went to the dentist
- Dad pushing me in a tire swing somewhere, catching me and letting me go again.
6 years old
- Helping Dad pain the apartment.
- Getting a surprise birthday party from my dad.
- Driving to the airport to pick up my natural mother flying in from Japan
- Dad teaching me how to skateboard
- Dad buying me a Wonder Woman outfit for Halloween.7 years old
- Taking a vacation through MS, AL, and GA, getting carsick. Haha!
- Getting my haircut short and my dad telling me how cute I looked.
- Dad teaching me how to draw cartoon strips with a story line.
- Dad surprising me with my first new bike
- Dad attending my many puppet shows in my bedroom8 years old - the year dad started studying
- Taking walks along the beach with an ice cream. I dropped mine one time and dad gave me his.
- Going to the zoo a lot (we lived across the street from it)
- Dad teaching me how to swimDad got baptized right before I turned 9. He got married to a good JW girl a year later. The year after that they had twins. The good memories after his marriage to my step-mom were few and far between. I don't really remember much other than screaming, lots of spankings, lots of being grounded "indefinitely", and babysitting my brothers. I can probably count on one hand the good memories after he joined the troof. I just try to remember those really great memories from my early childhood and forget the rest. He really used to be a good dad. Wow, this is making me cry.
Andi
-
refiners fire
Flower,neither boring, nor ridiculous, you really should contact your brothers,and kin though,they are going to come through for you. I know it.They have for me. Unfortunately with some of them it has taken 20 years for them to open up and reveal themselves. I have a 44 year old brother who I hated when I was younger,but over the past 12 months he has started opening his doors to me and Ive discovered that he had big issues just like I did. He just wasnt ready to speak until recently.
Nowadays he rolls up on my doorstep at 2am, or suchlike,drunk, and wanting to talk over his issues.Sometimes he comes sober, like yesterday and we talked near on 5 hours about general things.
He is becoming a friend of mine.
I have another brother, younger than me, the family baby,who I see all the time,and his nice wife.I stay there on a regular basis and my own son idolizes his "uncle mark".Both these brothers have helped me out with work and jobs at various times.
Family are USEFUL.I knew what you meant when you said that your father was a pig but everyone in the congregation thought him a golden god.
Same here. My father was highly admired by men,an Elder that other elders consulted, but to me he was a brute.But in many ways he was a product of the Organization. That organization brings out the worst in people.My father was a sex sleaze as well. He tried to screw my first wife. She told me about it and I was powerless,at the time to react, my 44 year old brother told me the same thing about his wife. When the youngest brother got married (mark) there was an incident at the wedding. During the family photograph shoot the bride suddenly went rigid and gasped out. Mark turned around and saw that our father was stood behind her and he knew what was going down. He just grabbed the old man around the throat and I have never seen such hate on a human face.The old bastard had put his hand on her behind and was fondling her!
Can you believe it?
The friend I was talking about in the first post,the kite story person, is called Rob.
His parents are still in the church,and they see him very seldom.
They came to visit Rob a few months ago now, just rolled up on his door step and they stayed for 9 weeks. During their stay Rob learnt that they were searching his personal possessions and room when he was at work.One evening his parents confronted him with the Bible and a dirty video that they had found in one of his bedside drawers!
He went mad with rage.
The parents were nonplussed and completely convinced they had a right to search his possessions for signs of sinful inclination. The guy is 40 years old and hasnt lived at home for 20 years.
He kicked them out eventually.
They quote the same scriptures at him that, it appears, your oldies quote at you.They seem to be of the opinion that he must obey them, honour them, no matter WHAT they do.Even if they ransack his bedroom
it is okay in Gods eyes because they are his parents.
Sheesh! Maybe I should give you Robbies E mail and you can talk to him.
While they stayed with him, there cropped up an issue about food.
The parents became offended because they felt he wasnt providing the standard of food quality to which the Mother was accustomed.
Rob went thru THEIR bedroom one afternoon (while they were out and after theyd gone thru his room)and he found a suitcase full of delicasies.The parents were secretly consuming desirable foods in the bedroom but would not put them in the fridge, so noone else could have any.
This after they had been sponging off the fat of his generosity for 6 weeks.
I could go on and on.... -
flower
to trust
-
refiners fire
There is one thing to think about though.
Your parents, in their own twisted way, still care about you.
If they didnt...they wouldnt have you living with them.
They are trying,in their own sick way, to be there for you.It must be a pain though, having them snooping on you.
I had tremendous trouble with my dad. searching under my bed, underneath drawers, under the house even, looking for forbidden material that God might not approve of.
One of our biggest issues,between us, was comic books.
Believe it or not.I used to read Marvel comics when I was a kid, Captain America and Spiderman etc.
One day he read a comic I had called "Thor".He decided this was worshipping false Gods and banned ALL comics. Of course, I defied him and sneaked them into the house. He always caught me. Lord!
I got some beatings over those comics.
The thing is, I dont think my father, in and of himself, would have worried about comic books. He was taking action because he thought God had a problem with them. He didnt want Satan entering in thru the backdoor.In his own way, he was causing me suffering to protect me from the devil.
follow? -
unclebruce
Hey Flower and Refiner,
I'm enjoying lurking in on your conversation. Could you please put a few paragraph breaks in your long posts (just press 'enter' now and then)
Thanks, unclebruce.
===
Andi,
(((((HUG)))))
unclebruce