Did I overreact?

megs

So I've been seeing a man, and he has been staying at my house the past few days. Last night he said he needed to go and quote on drywall in a town outside of the city (he's a contracter). He left at 7pm and said he'd be a little while. He told me before that he never goes anywhere without his laptop and he left the laptop at my house. So by 11 I am a little worried, I leave a message on his cellphone and try to sleep. By 7am, he is still not there, and I'm worried... I call his cell it goes straight to voicemail. I met him on plenty of fish so I went on there are sent a message to a woman friend of his who had given him an endorsement saying I was worried. I am thinking about calling the police etc. So at 10:45 he comes on messenger and says "sorry, I had to do an errand"?! WTF?! And when I tell him to get in contact with his friend he says I overreacted.

Did I overreact?

undercover

You got a lot going on here...

You asked, I'm gonna give my two cents...

He's been staying "a few days". Was it agreed that this means your in a relationship? Not just a week long fling?

I think he lied about where he was going. He needed some space or to be with the guys (or another woman). He was either afraid you wouldn't like it or he didn't care about you enough to be honest, so he concocts the story and off he goes.

You were right to be worried after 11pm. He should have answered the call or called you back.

I don't think you over-reacted since he said he was coming back in "a little while". He could've been dead in a ditch somewhere.

But...since his attitude was so cavalier about the whole thing, the real question should not be, "did I over react" but should be "do I want to waste time on someone who has so little regard for my feelings"

bluecanary

I'm going to answer from a technical point of view.

To react: to act in response to an agent or influence.

To overreact: to react or respond more strongly than is necessary or appropriate.

He created a stimulus to which you reacted, there can be no denying either of those facts. To determine whether one has reacted more strongly than necessary or appropriate is entirely subjective. He may really feel that your reaction was not appropriate while you may really feel that it was. The question becomes, can the two of you come to a compromise on your standards for appropriate behavior? If yes, then do so. If not, end the relationship.

John Doe

Hell no. It's only courteous to let those you're staying with know when you aren't going to be where you said you were. Not doing so is not only irresponsible, it's self centered and selfish.

Robdar

You reacted the way you would react. You are being yourself. By the fact that he is taking no blame and instead saying YOU overreacted, tells me he doesn't take your feelings into consideration.

You know, there are plenty of fish. Might be time to throw that one back before you get to used to petting it and feeding it.

megs

TY... I didn't think it was an overreaction, I thought he was dead in a ditch somewhere! And undercover, you are exactly right... I do NOT want to waste my time on someone like that... I didn't date in my 20's and in January got out of an eight year relationship so I am pretty much a novice at this whole thing... But at any stage in any relationship courtesy is important, and he didn't show me any.

Thanks Robdar... this one is being thrown back into the pond, no more feeding the bottom-feeders.