My JW parents met my wife, but would not see me...

by Confession 58 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Confession
    Confession

    So it was time for the 25 Year Reunion of Tawas Area High School's Class of '84. Because I was class president, I've been responsible for throwing all the reunions we've held. While I come to Michigan on business a few times per year, I don't usually make it all the way up to the little, northeast, Lake Huron tourist town where they live. So, since I wasn't sure when I'd be there again--and since my father will be 77 soon and my mother is 75, I thought they might like to meet my wife, whom I just married last September. I called, and my mom picked up...

    ME: Hi, Mom, it's your son...

    MOM: [Sounding like she just swallowed her tongue...] Oh...hello...

    ME: Well, Mom, I'm going to be in Tawas for my 25 Year Class Reunion, and I'm bringing my new wife, Rachel. I thought you and Dad might like to meet her.

    MOM: Ohhh...well...I...(gasp)...I don't know...don't know how we could...[tears, gulps, pain]

    ME: Mom, if you're concerned about having to be with me, don't worry about it. I can just drop her off and go somewhere else for awhile.

    The entire conversation was just so painful for her. She cried much and was clearly in pain. The few times we've spoken, she's always wanted to emphasize that she still loves me. I always assure her that, of course, I know she loves me, and that I, of course, love her too. My father was attending Pioneer School that day, but she said she'd speak to him and call me back sometime. In a couple of days, she did.

    MOM: We'd like to meet her, but does she want to meet us?? I can't imagine she understands.

    ME: Well she doesn't really understand, Mom. No one really understands. She knows that you think I'm the bad guy because I no longer believe your religion is The Truth, and she knows I think you're the bad guys because you let a body of men manipulate you into cutting off the natural relationship you wish to have with your son. But I'm trying to be a good example to my parents by showing that--just because you may have disagreements--doesn't mean you should keep from doing the right thing where family is concerned. And, to me, the right thing is introducing my wife to my parents. So I'm offering to do that, 'cause it's the right thing to do.

    MOM: I see... Well you don't need to go drive somewhere else. You can just stay in the driveway. [This was apparently offered as a kindness.]

    ME: That's okay; I'll just drop her off for a bit.

    MOM: Where will you go?

    ME: I have lots of places to go, Mom. The hall where we're having the reunion is right around the corner; I know people there. I'm staying with James' mom and stepdad [referring to my best friend who died last year,] I can go see Joe's mom and dad, I can go right next door to Scott's house. Some people have actually called, asking me to stop by and see them. It's only my parents who won't see me.

    So we arranged to stop by around 2pm this past Saturday. We first went to my friend Scott's house, which happens to be right next door to my parents. We sat there, talking awhile. He and his wife and sister were all pretty fascinated by what was about to happen! They had all sorts of questions. Then I walked Rachel up the road, up the driveway and to the end of the sidewalk; then turned and walked back next door. After about 20 minutes I called, asking if she was ready. She said she was doing fine and would call me when she was ready. She didn't call for about an hour! I then walked over again, stood at the end of the sidewalk, and waited for her to join me for the walk back.

    My mom had pulled out all the photo albums, showing her my baby pictures, etc. My brother's wife happened to be there so she got to meet Rachel too. They asked her all about Kenya (her home country.) At one point my Dad asked her about her family's religion in Kenya, but my Mom sharply motioned for him not to go there. LOL! Rachel told me she had decided to be talkative, (not her usual state,) and she asked and answered and chatted and smiled the entire time. My Dad, despite my Mom's protests, said something like, "You know, it's not that we don't want to see our son, but this is just the way things are for now, and maybe we can change that soon."

    I'm assuming by that last comment he thinks there may be some way to bring me back into the Watchtower religion. A hilarious thought, but I remembered he was right in the middle of attending Pioneer School, so he's probably on a Watchtower high right now.

    Some might say I shouldn't have subjected myself to this, but again I felt it was the right thing to do. Not just for my parents' sake, but for Rachel's too. I wanted her to meet them--and she wanted to also. Now she'll have a somewhat better frame of reference when I tell stories about them.

  • Georgiegirl
    Georgiegirl

    Not only do I think that was completely lovely on your part (to have made the effort and set the right example of unconditional love), but your wife sounds like a wonderfully kind, loving, and giving woman. How spectacular that she was willing to do that - both for you and for your parents.

  • skeeter1
    skeeter1

    You are right to be so gentil with your parents who are elderly. They are facing the last days of their lives. They will want to see you, and are deeply torn. As people age, they go "ultra-JW" as the New World is their biggest hope after not living this one to its fullest.

  • startingovernow
    startingovernow

    Oh that is just so sad! I know of more than one JW elder parent who does not follow the shunning rule with their children. I would think that at thier age, your parents would put love for you over some rule of an organization. So sorry.

  • carla
    carla

    unbelievable, simply unbelievable. I'm so sorry they wouldn't see you. I'm sorry to say so, but your parents and all jw's should be ashamed of themselves.

  • troubled mind
    troubled mind

    Your story just tears me up .....You are a wonderful son to show such love to your parents no matter how they treat you ....You definitely did the right thing .

    Your wife sounds like a wonderful person too . I hope one day your parents will realize life is to short to totally cut family out of their lives .

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    You've got some really great karma coming your way, that's for sure. Your parents are getting theirs paid in full right now by passing by a chance to be good parents and loving their boy.

  • Yizuman
    Yizuman

    Confession, you da man!

  • bluecanary
    bluecanary

    Cool way to handle the situation. Not only have you handled it with the utmost aplomb, you've given them the opportunity to show how wacky their cult is to more people.

  • oompa
    oompa

    Confession............you are very special type of person/exdub!............and that story is so sad and funny.......and nukkin futs!!!!!..........i am talkin insane here..........i could see you and your friends and all talkin about this event.....and your folks prob cryin seein you at the walk....but knowing they were "doing the right thing because they really love you".......

    how many years have you been out?....prob a long time, so why fluck do they not see that shunning is ineffective in your case?.........that is supposed to be the reasoning..........that you will "come back" due to it...........it seems like after decades or whatever you could say "obviously it aint gonna work"...........and end it

    this just never seems to end for some of us.....my dfd son may get married someday........of course my folks and most of my family will not go...and none of his old friends.........he is only 23 and out for 6 years...........that is just..................oomps

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