ATJeff Answers Letters from JW Readers (page 3)

AllTimeJeff

Dear Wise and All-knowing Gibbering Body of Jehovah's Witlesses,

Thank you so much for the recent Watchtower article 'Can you do more in Jehovah's Service? Why your best just isn't good enough.' I was feeling quite happy with the amount i was doing in the service, but as the article wisley pointed out, unless i am spending so much time in the ministry that my children are neglected and i have almost lost the will to live, it just isn't enough. I am now in a much more self-hating, anxious, exhausted, less dangerous state of mind. Thank you o mighty GB for making me see the error of my ways.

Yours, B.R. Ainwashed

Dear Bro Ainwashed (another Gentile Reader)

First of all, we don't wash ains.... We do wash anu.... um, never mind.

It sounds like you are pouring your life out like a drink offering in front of our altar. My favorite drink is Scotch neat. (rocks are for pussies) Clearly, you got the hint that we never gave a rats ass how well you thought we were doing, it was all up to us.

Cheers!

We sure hope that in your exhaustion, you will forget the person you once were, the individual who once looked into the mirror and saw YOU. Our sincere prayer for you is that you can only remember our impressions of you, that you remember that 10 hours knocking on empty homes really says a lot about the spiritual quality of a person, and that in short, you will give yourself to us, though we can't even be sure why we want this from you.

Sad ain't it!

androb31

Dear Slobbering Bully,

I enjoyed your recent article "why 99.99% of Jehovah's Witnesses reject Jesus in the sight of men at the annual memorial" but this brings up a question. Paul said, "... for as often as you eat this loaf and drink this cup, you keep proclaiming the death of the Lord, until he arrives." (1Cor 11:26). If Christ arrived in 1914, why do any Jehovah's Witnesses continue to partake of the bread and wine? Shouldn't they have stopped in 1914?

Warm christian greetings,

Androb31

AllTimeJeff

Dear Glubberning Body,

I would like to thank you for the Watchtower Article: Your Family Sucks! Why You Should Wish Evil Upon Your Non-Believing Siblings.

At first, I wondered why my dear sister left the Christian Congregation of Jehovahs Witnesses. I nearly called her one night when I found out she was dying of cancer! After reading that article, I was so happy that I stayed true to Jehover.

It ends up she made it, so I am applying more of the wonderful tips on making her feel like a pile of shit that I'd like to see rot at armageddon. Oh, and I've started drooling over houses of the unbelievers in field service to get my mind off my being a self-righteous assclown, as suggested.

Yours,

F. Dinkhead,

Deep South, USA.

Dear Gentile Reader (from the Deep South, with Deliverance music playing)

We can't tell you how privileged we felt to get your letter. You got the spirit of our wishes for all of your non believing, satanic household. It sure will be great when we are able to pile them up and warm ourselves by their non believing carcasses....

I can't believe we said that! We normally hope you all don't guess that is what we think. Oh well. Time for another Scotch neat!

I am sorry to hear that your sister survived cancer. Had she died now, she would have been resurrected. (we guess, we can't tell, the bible is really so vague, the GB so divided, we only need 2/3 vote to get shit passed. It makes no sense)

Sorry, that was a ramble. If you want to make her feel like shit, tell her that her cancer will be cured in the new system, if only she will listen to Yah's sayings. Otherwise, the GB of Yah Wit suggests she take Chemo and get it over with.

We know thats cruel sounding, but then again, we are cruel.

In other news, we appreciated your thoughts about how Armageddon will impact the real estate market. Screw housing prices now, and dont' forget, if you want a house, Yah will give it to you. We promise! (along with a new Isuzu!)

AllTimeJeff

Dear Watchtower,

My brother who is only 11 claims to be annointed. Is this possible?

Your brother,

Donny

Dear Gentile Reader Donny

Has your brother been baptized? If you were his brother, have you really tried holding his head under water in a pool at least once?

Damn, I (we're) getting sober again. Time for another Scotch.

It is possible for Jesus to annoint whoever he wants. However, we reserve the right to bitch a fit and try to change the good Lord of Lords mind. We suggest that you challenge your brother to see if he is really annointed. Tell him to give a talk to the congregation with a straight face telling everyone that JW's ALWAYS said 1914 was the date of Christs invisible presence, and we never got that wrong.

Sure, thats a bald faced lie. But to be an annointed member, with prospects of being on the Governing Body, you have to learn to lie a lot. This is GB 101 bitch!

AllTimeJeff

ATJ. You are a CULT PHENOMENON!!!!

BTS

Dear Gentile BTS

We saw how you support Bush II and constantly take a dump on Obama. If we weren't neutral, we'd be pissed!

Wait, we aren't neutral. I understand you are born again? Looks like you are going to be bird food for the big A! How can you put Jesus in front of us, Gentile BTS??? Seriously, have you ever been to the Memorial?

Btw, BTS, whats a cult?

AllTimeJeff

Dear Slobbering Bully,

I enjoyed your recent article "why 99.99% of Jehovah's Witnesses reject Jesus in the sight of men at the annual memorial" but this brings up a question. Paul said, "... for as often as you eat this loaf and drink this cup, you keep proclaiming the death of the Lord, until he arrives." (1Cor 11:26). If Christ arrived in 1914, why do any Jehovah's Witnesses continue to partake of the bread and wine? Shouldn't they have stopped in 1914?

Warm christian greetings,

Androb31

Dear Gentile Androb31

99.9% do not reject Jesus. They accept us as Jesus representatives. I know, its great we can do that without biblical backing. Sorry, it was our idea first, go suck eggs!

Why are you asking questions when you know all we'll do is copy your letter to the local body of elders along with our own letter telling them how to handle you? In your case, we are going to advocate that you be disfellowshipped unless you acknlowledge immedietly that the GB is Yah's sole channel of truth today, even if that truth could change as easily as Brittany Spears underwear.

And you know that she doesn't wear that stuff too much.

Good luck living a full life without us. If you want to, thats fine, but we will cut off all your friends. We don't take too kindly to people exposing us for the frauds we are. Yah doesn't like it either....

On the other hand, if you repent and want to be reinstated after we DF you, all you have to do is sit in shame by yourself in silence at a KH for over 6 months. No big deal, right?

Isn't it better to just nod your head and agree in the first place? We got you by the balls, and you know it!

palmtree67

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

I love you, ATJeff!!

Your therapy is my therapy, too!!

BurnTheShips

Dude. How does he keep it coming so fast?

And BTW, some like to be dump-ed on. Some live at 25 Columbia Heights.

BTS

AllTimeJeff

Dude. How does he keep it coming so fast?

And BTW, some like to be dump-ed on. Some live at 25 Columbia Heights.

BTS

Dear Gentile BTS

First of all, we are writing a letter to your body of elders. You should be scared. Not only do we have it in for you, but your local BOE will be so thrilled to get a letter from us, they will wet themselves in self righteous joy!

However, we had no idea you knew how much we got dumped on at 25 Columbia Heights. Thats why we're moving to the hills. We're getting the hell out of NYC! There's a reason why they call the property we own under the Brooklyn Bridge DUMBO!

ATJeff Answers Letters from JW Readers

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