Friends, Study Partners, and then GONE... (page 2)

WuzLovesDubs

Hey Ptuck...welcome. :) You've been love bombed my friend. When a JW befriends a non JW there is ALWAYS an agenda, and that agenda is to recruit you and make you a JW. Im sorry that happened to you. Really sorry...because I know I am guilty of doing that to people when I was a JW and Im ashamed of that. So on behalf of all of us who have come to the realization that that behavior is unchristian and INHUMAN to do to someone...I apologize.

I do hope you DONT become a JW though. It is a very pretty sparkly stone that people are attracted to and think it is one thing only to find out that it is an entirely OTHER thing when they become trapped in it like a tar baby. Continue to seek your spiritual path elsewhere. People spend more time buying a car than they do checking out a religion. A used car salesman will ALWAYS tell you the best things, true or not, about his car to make the sale. Why not talk to the people who owned the car BEFORE and know exactly whats wrong with it and why they no longer want it? Thats who we are ...the EXJWS.

I might like to suggest to you Ptuck, that you turn this experience around. Write to this man using the love for him that YOU had that was genuine and tell him that you not only forgive him, but you understand his burden now and only wish him love and happiness and that you enjoyed your time with him. And leave the door open for him to seek you out again, should his path become clear to do so in the future.

It might just be that he is having doubt about the religion himself and is embarrassed at leading you on all this time. We just never know. But the high road will make you feel better knowing you did the right thing.

Welcome to the board :)

LD

garybuss

I found by personal experience that if your only friends are Jehovah's Witnesses, you don't have any friends.

cognac

It could have been that you were not progressing enough - but it also could have been something else. Did he pressure you a lot to go to meetings, get baptised, etc?

It very well could have been him being depressed about losing his job. That's what it sounds like to me, but who knows? I really don't know enough about the situation. He's imperfect and made the mistake of losing a very good friend - that's sad because he is also going to have to reap the consequences of that.

Yes, JWs are conditional in there love. But, I'm not so sure that is the reason he ended his friendship with you. It could very well be something totally different you may just not understand.

steve2

Sorry to say this, but I have an alternative take on what has happened:

I'm assuming you are a male: You established what you thought was a strong buddy-type friendship with this man and engaged in lots of activities together. Your primary interest wasn't so much the religion, but the friendship - and there's nothing wrong with that - except this: Maybe the JW you studied with had a different kind of investment in the relationship.

It isn't that unusual for people to develop attachments for all sorts of often complicated reasons. You both lost your jobs, but the impact of this appears to have been more life-changing on the JW man than on you; from your description, his whole routine has changed.

This is an excellent opportunity for you to do one of two things: (The first is riskier) Tell your "friend" what his friendship meant to you in a non-blaming way, or, take a closer look at your friendship needs: It is always risky to mix friendship and religion - always. If your need is to develop your religious needs, do that separate from friendships which often muddy the waters; however, if your need is to develop good, buddy-type relationships, make that your priority.

drew sagan

I agree, you should look up 'love bombing'.

Many JWs tend to fear conducting a study with another person because they do not want the responsibility. The Watchtower organization provides no structure that a potential convert can eaisly get involved with (mainly social activities at the hall for adults and kids). Because of this new converts typically get "involved" with the JWs by spending a good deal of time with their study conductor. After they are baptized the relationship usually fades. I personally have had this experience and know of others who have as well.

I think in your case this JW pretty much feels his job is done. You know as much as he can teach you and "jehovah will do the rest" now that studying is an inconvience for him.

Anyway, be glad you didn't get hooked into this strange religion. Use the opportunity to find out the pain you saved yourself from experiencing by reading around on this message board

Scarred for life

You have every right to be pissed. I think all of us are on this board to some extent. But you are so lucky you realized all this now before you were baptized.

passwordprotected

Welcome to the forum.

Sadly, you've experienced the true nature of the Watch Tower Society's public 'ministry'. As a JW I behaved similarly to the way your JW behaved. It's a sad reality and consequence of the mental conditioning Jehovah's Witnesses subject themselves to.

Hopefully your story will serve as a warning to others.

Ohio Nana

I had almost the same experience as you did. I was studying for over a year and even became an unbaptisted publisher and thought the lady I was studying with was my friend and then bam I was dropped when I didn't hurry to get baptisted like she(or higher ups) thought I should. It is very hurtful and I feel your pain but be glad you learned this before becoming a JW. I haven't been near or talked to this lady for about 4 plus months and she has called a few times and I let the answering machine pick it up and don't return her call.I think we can just consider we had a close call with a cult and were lucky.The pain will go away and remember it is nothing that you did just a JW thing.

O.N.

ptucker8357

In reality, I think I have been the victim of my own naivete... not being able to discern the difference between friendship (me) and someone's "job" to become my friend so that I could become his conquest... there's a distinct lack of integrity here... pouncing on someone with ulterior motives in mind...

I don't buy the thought that he has his own problems to deal with and has backed himself out of our world and back into his own... rather, now that I look rationally at this, I think he has looked at the job loss situation as his out... since we are not working together, he doesn't see me... he doesn't have to tell me to my face that we are no longer friends (because I have not gone through water baptism)... he can simply walk away... and as much as that might hurt to admit... that, I believe, is what has happened...

I wish him well and I think I will take several of you up on you suggestions to reach out to him (when some of this hurt wears off...) and let him know that he was a good friend to me and that I enjoyed our time... thanks for the suggestions... I am glad I found you guys :)

pTuck

loosie

Yes that is what happened. If you haven't made progress to baptism within a year and a half, You're not going to. so their time is better spent elsewhere.

Friends, Study Partners, and then GONE...

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