Your View of Platonic Relationships with Men & Women- Change as EX-JW ?

by flipper 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • flipper
    flipper

    I know my view certainly changed for the better I feel after leaving the witnesses 5 years ago. In part, thanks to my current wife as well ( who has platonic guy friends in her life she has known for years ) it helped me to see it is healthy, normal and natural which in my opinion helps both sexes add more insight into the thinking of men and women enabling a more balanced view of life.

    Most of us as ex-witnesses know of the tight control which was hammered into our brains about being " just friends " with the opposite sex. I mean, it was ridiculous. Remember the " Youth book" had some nonsense chapter called , " Can a Boy and a Girl Just be Friends " ? The suggestion was that a boy and girl could not be " just friends " because the sexual temptation would be too great . ( Shows you how much trust the organization had in us, eh ? ) Being a born -in witness it made me paranoid growing up thinking in my 20's that if I developed even a platonic "friendship with another witness woman aside from my witness wife - I'd be strung up by the proverbial nuts and dragged into a " kangaroo court " JC meeting ! That's not too far fetched believe me ! Perhaps some here have heard horror stories like I have about some 25 year old single brother getting lambasted and counseled from elders for driving home a 45 year old married sister alone out in service. Hell, as a magazine servant I was even careful about how I handed change back to the sisters for fear one would say I " grazed " their hand a little too long !

    So paranoia generally ruled in congregations I attended and it fostered a great lack of authentic trust between people really - wondering when the shoe would drop off if someone even looked at someone's wife or husband or someone else saw a man or woman talking for a relative long length of time at the kingdom hall - the gossipers would start anew ! It really was unhealthy . And of course if someone did occasionally stray and commit immorality against their partner with another witness - then all of a sudden you'd get the , " this is why it's good for a man and woman not married to avoid being alone. " The WT society didn't even trust the elders - that's why 2 brothers were always required to call on a single sister , or any female. So essentially every one of us was considered pond scum in the witnesses who were expected to sin at any moment because, oh yes , " the flesh is so weak ". What a croc of $hit. Let's see- and what sexual sins have some of the governing body done ? Greenlees- O.K. you get the point. Won't go there.

    So I just want to say that it's been delightful getting to know you ex-JW ladies on the board here in a platonic way as a good friend ! This has been a new, interesting learning experience for me the last couple of years as I never thought I could have good lady friends without feeling " guilty " about it. You have all taught me something special every day I read this board - and I value your friendship . After going through 44 years of " cult mind control " to view it in such a rigid way - the last 5 years of my life has been more balanced in friendships with females and males as well . After getting out you see the real light - and everything as it should be. I really look forward to your views and what you experienced as a Jehovah's Witness in regards to this subject ! Take care all

  • cawshun
    cawshun

    I was not born in and I never was a whitness however, when my daughter was dating my son-in-law, he was 18 at the time she was younger. They called him in on a Saturday for a JC meeting. Three elders kept him for 3 hours questioning him about his relationship with my daughter. Asking questions like, are you having sex? no. Oh come on, a young male with raging hormones and your not having sex with her? No.... Your a 18 yr. old male and your telling us that your dating a young good looking young lady and your not having sex with her?... No

    This type of questioning went on for 3 hours. He told my daughter about it later and she told me about it. I was furious, what right did they have discussing my daughter and her sex life? It was none of their business!!! She was not a JW! I wasn't suppose to know about it, I guess he wasn't suppose to talk about the jc meeting. He also didn't know my daughter told me about it.

    They just kept on him till he finally told them what they wanted to know just to get out of there.

    They take something innocent and make it dirty, lay a quilt trip on everyone for every little thing.

    It's no wonder Flipper you didn't feel good about having friendships with females. Look the wrong way at someone and you will be called in for questioning. Like the FBI, next they will be waterboarding.

    cawshun

  • cawshun
    cawshun

    I was not born in and I never was a whitness however, when my daughter was dating my son-in-law, he was 18 at the time she was younger. They called him in on a Saturday for a JC meeting. Three elders kept him for 3 hours questioning him about his relationship with my daughter. Asking questions like, are you having sex? no. Oh come on, a young male with raging hormones and your not having sex with her? No.... Your a 18 yr. old male and your telling us that your dating a young good looking young lady and your not having sex with her?... No

    This type of questioning went on for 3 hours. He told my daughter about it later and she told me about it. I was furious, what right did they have discussing my daughter and her sex life? It was none of their business!!! She was not a JW! I wasn't suppose to know about it, I guess he wasn't suppose to talk about the jc meeting. He also didn't know my daughter told me about it.

    They just kept on him till he finally told them what they wanted to know just to get out of there.

    They take something innocent and make it dirty, lay a quilt trip on everyone for every little thing.

    It's no wonder Flipper you didn't feel good about having friendships with females. Look the wrong way at someone and you will be called in for questioning. Like the FBI, next they will be waterboarding.

    cawshun

  • cawshun
    cawshun

    opps didn't mean to post that twice, it was an accident

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Honest?

    Not really. I had lots of female friends both when I was a Witness and then afterwards. I was very good friends with several married sisters when I was pioneering.

    The flip side is I've had guys come on to me both "brothers" and worldly guys. Not interested thanks. No big deal; no harm no foul.

    So no, being a Witness or not really hasn't changed how I view relationships. If that makes sense.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Oh and for the record, I always thought the Society's view of male/female was deeply warped. Even when I was a hard core pioneer. Frankly I found it insulting the idea of a guy and a girl being together and couldn't keep their hands off each other.

    I mean come on.

  • dinah
    dinah

    That's because the guys who made the rules were prolly raging perverts. Kinda like the Catholic priests and JW elders who molest little children.

    They focus entirely on sex. If two people are in a room together they wanna have sex. Kinda makes me wonder what might really go on in those GB meetings behind closed doors. A bunch of sexually repressed losers who couldn't get laid if they paid for it.

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    I don't think it's changed. I was not raised as a JW. So I am not ruled by their thinking. I have friends who are guys. I think as long as there isn't a temptation or should I say strong attraction there it's possible to be just friends and even love someone platonically.

  • dinah
    dinah

    I think it's possible too. Really most of my closest friends are men. It's just that in Dubland, you can't just be friends with someone of the opposite sex without temptation and sin. That is twisted thinking, imho.

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    On the other hand, the best loves in my life have been guys I started out friends with.

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