Long last letter to dad...please comment-not mailed yet

by dawg 64 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dogpatch
    Dogpatch

    High Dawg,

    I was very touched by your letter.

    It grieves me more over the years to read letters like this than any other type. Maybe because I am a man, and I know how much a good father means to me. I am lucky enough to have a father like the one you wish you had. This week he will be 84 and is still in relatively good health, along with my mother.

    Because of my strong family and the love of my father for people, we often took in some of my buds who were temporarily hard up while I was growing up. They would be the lost a homeless and the down and out, but because they were my buds, my dad saw the need and he took them in. We always had plenty of friends around, young and old alike.

    Even with having a good father I have my own issues. My father is a hard act to follow. He was raised in the Depression in Oklahoma, and his father owned three grocery stores. My father Ken worked in the stores more like a bouncer than anything. He was the best in hunting and fishing, sales and people skills more than anyone I knew. He is still very social, although his audience is much smaller and consists of my mother and my sister and brother-in-law, niece and nephew and a dozen animals. So he still has a kingdom. :-)) But the gift he gave me was FREEDOM. The freedom to choose various ways to disappoint him.

    I'm sure I disappointed my dad. Yet I think more often than not he kept that a secret. He was successful, but his success was based on working with people. Many years later, I guess mine is, too.

    Dawg, I wonder how much of this "father mentality" they get it is really personal and not as religious as we think it is? Family members are known to hold grudges much longer than with strangers. We expect a lot of others we love. We hold it against them when they do not fit what we want them to be. All of this develops into resentment and anger. The pain of rejection is so strong that we will cover it over with what ever religious smokescreen we can find. Yet I suspect that not only are the perpetrators of this shunning the losers, but that they are also suffering the most pain. I think sometimes it is so strong that it requires an internal "operation," like an incision, to take out the offending pain and cover it with religious nonsense.

    I've seen letters like this continually for the last 27 years. God, how long will they STRIP men from what I believe to be the most influential and powerful bond available to man - father and son? That's rape in my book people.

    I think I see this more than anything else in the organization including mental illness, pedophiles, fornicators and so on. The fathers do not know how to love their children in this organization. How does this happen? Just as in any other family, by example. Having lived with and rubbed shoulders with these Bethel elders educates me as to how out of touch and insular they are. And judging by the way that they deal with the young brothers at Bethel, they would no doubt treat their own children the same way, if God forbid, they had some. And it is passed on and on to the children and their children. Fatherless children. I loathed that treatment at Bethel, and you can bet I will fight it forward, exposing these sick old men who rape and pillage their own children.

    I am angry here, not for anything the Watchtower did to me, because they didn't manage to hurt me. I KNEW what a real dad was like, I KNEW how God was supposed to be, and that really led me out in the end.

    Randy
    http://freeminds.org/family/family.htm

  • Praying4Justice
    Praying4Justice

    Hi Dawg~

    Flipper brings up a great suggestion. . .if you can go see your Dad face to face, you could personally give him the letter. You're letter was great and it sounds as if you released alot of frustration (which is good for you cause it helps), but there's also that love and concern in it that would be so much more effective if he could see it in your face. He may cover up his emotions, but if he sees the love and concern in your face, he will remember it. . .no matter how much he might want to ignore it. When he's by himself, he'll think of it. Definitely send the letter after you've had a chance to change it a little. If it comes back, send it again. Just keep sending it and don't give up and always end with how much you love and care for him (and your Mom).

    Even though he's your father and he should know best doesn't take away from him being human, and unfortunately, it always seems that we hurt the ones we love most. You be the strong one for both of you and try to break through that wall he has up. It might be extremely difficult and frustrating as all heck, but that's what we do for the people we love. . .We don't give up!

    I hope it works out for you (both of you). Take Care~

    P4J

  • mind my own
    mind my own

    Dawg,

    My heart aches for you...I feel your pain! I think it is so admirable that you keep trying the way you do to reach your Dad. It speaks volumes about your character, the kind of person you are.

    Hopefully your message reaches him, and he really hears what you are trying to say to him.

    Your Dad is a lucky man to have a son like you. In his heart he knows it but he is blinded by the religeon, its teachings and policies. My hope for you is that he realizes it before its too late.

    All the best to you!

    MMO

  • kurtbethel
    kurtbethel

    "But Kurt if you've been indoctrinated your whole life...... then what."

    If you are so indoctrinated that it overcomes the natural instinct that a mammalian parent has to love and protect their child, then you are indeed heavily programmed.

    It calls for serious deprogramming.

  • sass_my_frass
    sass_my_frass

    That's an intense letter. But it's the one you write to keep for yourself - it's not the one you send. The last letter you send only says how much you love him, and that if he ever changes his mind your door is open to him. You look back on some great times that you had with him and how you'll treasure those memories. You tell him that you wish you could be there for him as he gets older, but accept that you can't be if that is his wish. You tell him that he can contact you anytime.

    That will get to him as a father on a much more important level than what he'd consider an attack on his beliefs. It also has to be something kind, gentle and simple in order to be something that stays in his mind and heart. If you are negative in any way he will dismiss it immediately, and you will have lost your 'last chance'.

  • sass_my_frass
    sass_my_frass

    Don't treat the letter as a place to air your final grievances with him. Accept that you may never be able to resolve these issues with him in person; that you might have to do that without him knowing.

  • SPAZnik
    SPAZnik

    hey dawg, just wondering what your father's relationship with his own father was like.

  • LouBelle
    LouBelle

    Kurt - that deprogramming can only happen if your are out of the organisation. Dawgs' dad is still there, firm and determined until the time of the end - one cannot expect more. Just because we know it's all a whole lot of BS and can prove it doesn't mean family members will listen - I've tried as well **shrug** no joy.

  • M.J.
    M.J.

    You first made the plea for being objective, for considering facts, not letting men completely define reality for you, etc. But then you let out a shotgun blast about WHY the WTS is wrong, i.e., they protect pedophiles, 607 is a farce, etc.

    My opinion:
    If your plea for a little more open mindedness and objectivity in the first part of the letter gets anywhere, it will be flushed down the toilet once he gets to the second part.

    I say, limit the scope of your letter to one objective.

  • Mamas Club
    Mamas Club

    Writing a letter like you have done is very important in your healing process. I would like to think that your dad would read it, put some real thought into it, and respond in a reasonable manner. But in all liklihood, it isn't going to happen. That is the power of the cult. But what is important, is that you be true to yourself. What you have written comes from your heart and all of us who share the experience of being shunned by our parents understand why writing a letter to them is more important for you than for them. It is a journal of where you are in time and a reminder that you will always love your father for so many of the things that he did to help you ultimately become the person you are today.

    For me personally, writing is great therapy. I never throw anything I write away. I go back from time to time in order to evaluate my progress in dealing with something that I ultimately can do nothing about. Writing my book, Growing Up In Mama's Club, a memoir of sixteen years of my life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses (the Club) helped me rid myself of so much anger that I internalized because I was discriminated against because I did not believe like they did. It also helped remind me how important it is to surround myself with people who can accept me for who I am and what I believe, as flawed as it may be at times, and share a love for the life that I have been blessed with now.

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