Discipline

by LouBelle 30 Replies latest jw friends

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  LouBelle

  I'm not a parent myself, so I'm only speaking from my own personal experiences as a child and as an observer.

  Do you or don't you believe in discipline? and why?

  I believe in it - I'm not talking beating your kid to a pulp or any verbal abuse like that. I do believe that a smack, grounding and an explanation of why is not a bad thing if the child has misbehaved (not for some trivial thing either)

  I got my fare share of hidings (some a little too much...) but overall it taught me not to do certain things otherwise there would be a hiding waiting for me - not that I was fearful - it set boundries.

  Now when I observe children throwing tantrums, screaming verbal abuse at their parents and the parents just keep trying to "shush" the child, I shake my head and think to myself that these parents are being far too soft and a smack on the bum is needed. If there is no discipline children may grow up into disrespectful teens that may grow up into adults that can't be bothered about the fellow human, law, nor take responsibilty for the actions and so on.

  Again I'm talking about uncontrolled discipline.
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  WTWizard

  I believe that punishing a child should be the final step. If you are frequently doing that, you might have a child that has unusual needs to explore. Very intelligent children frequently get into things (even taking things apart), and throw tantrums when they are stopped from exploring.

  The first thing is to have the child assessed. Not for use of a drug--that is almost never a good idea. More common, children have much more drive to learn than normal. If this is fulfilled, they will get into less trouble. A bonus is that they will be less stagnated if they are getting their kicks in learning. That will result in less getting into trouble on purpose for kicks, either now or when they grow up. The child might even grow up with a skill that will develop some all-new product that people will not know how they got along without some 15 years later. To me, that is the best first-line discipline that will yield the best fruitages.

  If that isn't enough (most parents make stupid mistakes and are influenced by peers that do not want your children to surpass the norm), then a short term action is needed to prevent a disaster. If the child turns on the gas, a quick slap in the hand (or jerking it away from the knob) combined with a lecture about the danger is appropriate. The same thing can usually be accomplished by putting the knobs out of reach, but children will usually learn to operate child-proof knobs and bottle caps.

  If raised properly, it will be almost unheard of for children to get into such serious trouble that they will need to have privileges taken away or a more serious spanking. This is a result of today's society where stagnation is the rule. The more stagnation a child experiences, the more likely they are to do something to get in trouble for kicks. In those cases, spankings and/or loss of privileges will be necessary. But, the goal should be to identify and remove the underlying stagnation. Doing so will allow the person to get kicks from learning and not from doing mischief.

  Under no circumstances do I endorse as acceptable the spankings, beatings, and threats of more beatings that goes on in the Kingdumb Hell. First, children are stopped from learning by being forced to sit still at a Kingdumb Hell for 2 hours at a time for a boring boasting session. This causes the child to be frustrated by not having the learning drive fulfilled, often yielding a temper tantrum followed by a spanking and usually a beating after the boasting session. It also leads to stagnation, which is the source of most kick crimes and mischief. This is in no way acceptable!
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  Cc81

  i do not have children myself either, but i was a nanny for ten years. I found that every child is different and every child must be dealt with according to their needs. There were some kids that all i had to do was look at and they would stop doing whatever it was that hthey were doing. and there were other kids that i would have to pick up and put in Time out or as some of my kids would call it "the naughty corner" haha.. And there were other kids that i would have to take privileges away to get my point across. I do not believe in Spankings or beatings as a nanny that was not allowed anyways! but i do believe in discipline but my point of my rambleings is each child is different and you have to discipline or deal with them in different ways. I do believe that by being kind and showing the children in a loving way what is right and wrong, is the best way to deal with them. But its important to stand your ground as a caretaker and not allow them to get away with murder or let them do whatever they want to do otherwise they are the "boss" and not you.
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  mrsjones5

  I've noticed that most of the girls in my daughter's scout troop now sass their Moms. One of the Moms even asked me how I handle getting lip from my daughter (oh I forgot to add that these girls are age 10 going on 11) I told that my daughter doesn't sass me, I get looks which in my opinion is not as bad as sassing. I set the boundries of I would except and not except from my children when they were quite young. I don't do tantrums, whinning for candy or any esle at the store, talking back or sassing (totally disrespectful - I believe kids should speak their mind but not forget that I am their mother and we aren't equals yet). I don't beat my kids and rarely smack them (can't remember the last time) but I will take away things they have or ground them if they cross the line. Josie
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  R.Crusoe

  If you didn't have such a fine figure of a man Mrs J you could disciplne me anytime and I wouldn't complain!
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  Velvetann

  I have grown up kids, I used to spank them when they acted up at meetings and wouldn't be quiet. Mostly my son and when he was under 5. I took him into the bathroom stall and spanked his poor little bare bum repeatedly and he would just do the same thing again. That would turn anyone off meetings. Poor little guy. I feel bad I did that now

  I quit spanking my kids I felt it was NOT right. I never wanted to spank them but my MOM kept telling me I had to or I wasn't a good Mother. NOT

  Now I don't believe in spanking or swatting children. Just like I don't hit my dogs. There are other ways to get them to obey.

  Nowadays I think its against the LAW to spank your kids

  My daugher in law never spanks or hits my 3 little grandsons and they are well behaved.

  I agree though that some children need more discipline than others. Love and patience is the only thing that works and sometimes its a mystery as to how to apply it
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  BurnTheShips

  Now when I observe children throwing tantrums, screaming verbal abuse at their parents and the parents just keep trying to "shush" the child, I shake my head and think to myself that these parents are being far too soft and a smack on the bum is needed.

  So far, I just remove mine from the situation and let him calm down. He is a year old. He hasn't learned to deal with his emotions yet. He is teething and when it hurts he becomes very irritable. When he starts to throw a tantrum because he simply must have his way and I put my foot down (and there is nothing obviously wrong with him like hunger, thirst, a hurt etc.) I place him in his crib or play pen and walk away. Once he settles down for a bit I pick him up and do something that pleases him. It doesn't last long at that age.

  I am not judging anyone here, but I think in far too many cases physical punishment is a crutch to deal with incompetent parenting.

  Now when I observe children throwing tantrums, screaming verbal abuse at their parents and the parents just keep trying to "shush" the child, I shake my head and think to myself that these parents are being far too soft and a smack on the bum is needed.

  You may be right. But then I know of parents that have teenage kids that are very well behaved and they swear they have never laid a finger! I guess to an extent it depends on the child, and to a much larger extent, it depends on the parent.

  Burn
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  mrsjones5

  If you didn't have such a fine figure of a man Mrs J you could disciplne me anytime and I wouldn't complain!

  R. Crusoe, I've decided that you are one of the biggest flirts on this board...naughty boy
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  AlyMC

  I will preface this by saying that I realize I'm extremely... um... unconventional.

  Before I had kids I had all kinds of ideas about what kind of mother I would be and what my kids would and wouldn't get away with. yeah... thoughts and life are two totally different things.

  Discipline to me is teaching. My goal to to be a guide, a mentor, and helper in them finding their own life and truth and happiness... and most importantly in finding themselves. I want them to be respected, respectful and resilient beings.

  I haven't been talked back to, hit, or called names yet, but my kids are young (almost 7, 5, and 3) so there is plenty of time. I speak to my kids with the respect I expect from them. If they talk to me in a non-respectful way I tell them what their words mean to me. What I heard as the receiver. I don't really feel a rise because they aren't perfectly respectful all of the time. I can't accomplish that myself with all the more years of experience I have.

  My kids are allowed to question my authority- in fact I welcome it. If I say no, I welcome a well thought out counter argument. If they throw themselves on the floor and scream as a way to change my mind, I ignore it. It gets nothing from me, so it is a fruitless endeavor. When they finish I'll gladly get them a glass of water and talk about what I just observed and listen to what it was like for them. I'm still nice to them. But my "no" hasn't changed. If they are able to make a logical and rational case against my no, I'll gladly change if they make valid points.

  If one of my toddlers are crying in a super market, I can almost promise you it was poor planning on my part. None of my kids (to date) have cried FOR something in a store. Never for candy or a new toy. Each time it has been after a playdate, before a nap, before lunch or similar and I NEED to run in and get something. I set them up for failure in the over stimulating environment of most grocery stores today. So yes, if she is crying I'm likely to hug her, rub her hair or "shhhhh" her calmly while I get done ASAP. I don't see the point of getting mad at them for being young souls with limited experience and low stamina.

  Like I said, I'm a bit unconventional. We haven't employed punitive discipline yet in our lives... not to say I wouldn't, but we haven't found a need to (yet). That doesn't mean we don't discipline, it just means we define it differently.
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  LouBelle

  I can hear R.Crusoe singing "meeeeeeee and Mrs. MrsJones. Mrs.Jones Mrs.Jones*

  AlyMC - what you said makes perfect sense. I like the way you define your role in your childrens' lives.