First time sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet,
and have dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event,
the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she
would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he
takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.
He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps
the boy for about an hour and a half.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd
like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack or a family pack. The boy insists on
the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, what with it
being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets
his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" She says
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep
in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no
movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head still bowed down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back,
" I had no idea your father was a pharmacist. !!!!! "
A Boy's First time
by The Lone Ranger 4 Replies latest social humour
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The Lone Ranger
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free2think
Too funny, someone just sent me that by email.
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avishai
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he asks. That's cool," says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carries father, "Carrie really likes to screw, she'll Screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and immediately revised his plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAMMIT, DADDY! THE TWIST!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!" -
CaptainSchmideo
I have seen this joke portrayed in "Freak Brothers" comic (with Fat Freddy), and also in the remake version of "The Blob", with the added twist of the town minister showing up in line at the counter while the kid is buying.
When I buy the things these days, I get them at the same place I get everything else (Wal-Mart, where else?) Sometimes, it's combined with other items:Bananas, peanut butter, olive oil, muscle ointment; and I'm sure the checkout girl is thinking "What the heck kind of party YOU having tonight?"
Of course, I don't like bumping into people that I know when I have at 12-pack plus "Bonus Vibe Ring" package in the shopping cart. And then there was the time that I was buying some, and the little girl at the counter was my neighbor's 19 year old daughter. Kinda hard not to blush when buying the "twisted pleasure" pack.
Ahem, anyway, the joys of being "grown up" about S-E-X.....
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lfcviking
LITTLE RALPHY A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice
cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice
cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The
third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going
to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a
piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in
this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please
use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you
to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same
sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought
my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on
little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father
that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar
after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.
I LOVE Little RALPHY