Aw, so sorry mmo. I'm there with you too. We gotta just keep doing our thing: work, friends, husband. Also, it helped me so much to read other people's experiences here, there are sooooo many people who are dealing with the same thing.
Someone already mentioned the grieving process, it might help you to brush up on that; IT IS like they've died, you will come to accept that nothing will undo this, making it like death, that's how snug the mind control is. I had to accept that they're gone, but like many grieving survivors, we write to them now and again to convey our feelings, these letters are not read because the recipient is gone, obv not a physical death but it might as well be!
Take the time when you can to read as many posts here on this. I just posted in the last week a letter I wrote to my parents after not communicating in well over a year, it's hard. But the support you get here is priceless, personally saved me from from feeling totally shitty.