This is my first time posting. Bear with me. I came across this site a few years ago, I never posted, I read it occasionally, some of the stories were interesting and affirming. This past week and all the situations prompted me to write my story. I may have to change a few things because anonymity about myself and my life is important.
I was born into the JW religion. I haven't been one since I was 18 years old. I just stopped attending and then they tried to force my hand and I am sure you know the rest. Before that time because of my dysfunctional family I lived with my aunt and uncle who were very close to me. My aunt and uncle were beautiful people and I loved them very much, but after just thinking about all the explanations, changes and doctrines, lies/deciet, molestations, sexual abuse, women disfellowshipped for being raped, Elders not even sanctioned when sexually assaulting women, known pedophiles were given high posts in the congreations that I knew about first hand, I logically couldn't follow it anymore. It seemed silly that so many people were blindly following some group of elusive people from some place giving out information like the government.
My entire family on both sides are JWs. In my family I have PO, Elders, etc. The indoctrination is so deep, that when I left, I truly had to go through a series of deprogramming within myself. The lingo, the fear, the guilt was so imbedded in me, the control of associations so deep, that it was probably the most defining parts of my life. HOWEVER, I made peace with it. For about two years or so, my family (beyond immediate) withdrew from me completely. Parents and a few siblings tried occasionally to "witness to me", but I was so adamant and honest about what I considered to be false doctrines and false dates, false prophecies, blind faith when confronted with these falsehoods, that they let it go after a while. Of course, those that had been in this blind "truth" religion for decades had a harder time and it finally came down to their love of their family member or their religion. Honestly, they loved me enough to accept me for who I am. That didn't mean they still didn't occasionally break down into the guilt, fear, "I want to see you again in the new system", I don't want you to die nonsense, but for the most part they let it go.
However, since this entire cult has indoctrinated my entire family, when certain things happen it is brought to my main focus again. This week a beloved member of my family died. I don't think there was one member of my entire extended family that was not shaken over this event and the planning, arranging and "memorial" of my favorite aunt's death brought out a lot of issues about how this organization reminds me of the mob in some ways, a very robotic ministry with drone like thinking, to the blinded ties between family and religion.
Forgive me, I have to write very generally. I have researched JWs, the Watcher Corporation, so I have know the real honest agenda for a while now. I guess I stopped focusing on these sites at one time because I wasn't truly an anti-JW, I didn't want my entire existence to be about reacting to them, but just living in peace away from all of that. I think it becomes hard because of the totality of how it affects my familial relations because I still love my family, when tragedy happens, it doesn't change the tragedy, and my frustration and disgust with how so much was handled and how certain members who were non-JWs or Disfellowshipped were treated really disgusted me. I find solace in coming to a place like this and venting and possibly reaching out to some of you who have been through some of the same things and have the same backgrounds.