I think I let things simmer a lot and take it out on my dear hubby, just being moody and not talking about anything when I'm down. He's encouraging me to take up some creative hobbies. He especially likes the idea of glass art - hot environment, lots of big heavy tools. I think he wants me to direct my emotions into something creative! He's a goddammn genius.
Anyone still have trouble expressing anger?
by tall penguin 27 Replies latest jw friends
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Gringa
Gosh, I love this site - it is like looking in a mirror. I am learning so much about myself. Anger.....well, I just bottle it up and it simmers and pops out at inappropirate times. Didn't realize until now it was because of my JW upbringing.
Makes so much sense now..... thanks for starting this thread. And BTW, I am learning to say no and I am learning to not worry about destructive people and I am learning to just let them go and not try and work things out with them.... No thanks to the JWs - thank you Very Much! LOL
Going through a situation right now and I think it is the first time in my 50 yers on this planet were, just yesterday, I said to myself, self - this is destructive, run! don't talk to them., don't try and work things out, just stop answerng the phone and forget them and move on.... my, that felt good!
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BurnTheShips
I have anger problems. Always have. Angry bloodlines. I hate it. On zoloft now. Good stuff. I was sinking a couple of months ago. I knew that I was sinking. Life was OK so there was no good reason. I fought it. No use. Then I got on zoloft. I think something does not quite work right inside. I wish sometimes I could escape myself. I remember moments in life when I forgot myself. Good times. As far back as I can remember, I always had escapist fantasies. Still, I have to hold it together, people are depending on me. People I love. Love, and a sense of responsibility helps I think. I'm going to grab another scotch.
Burn
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Hortensia
it's not just the JW thing, but being raised by an alcoholic which taught me to appease anyone else who was the slightest bit angry to avoid being hurt, and by a JW who criticized constantly and felt you should be nice under all circumstances. I never got to see any healthy demonstrations of anger, or any problem solving behavior. Never saw anyone defend their boundaries or demand respect. Didn't know any of that existed until (don't laugh now - it's true) I started watching the Cosby show and saw that families could be respectful of each other, express emotions in a healthy way, and speak their minds without doing permanent damage. I still have trouble with being "nice" even when I ought to be speaking my mind in no uncertain terms. I still have trouble expressing anger without losing control, and I stisll have trouble feeling responsible for other people's feelings, and other people's problems. But not like I used to!!!
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tall penguin
I'm finally getting back to this thread. So many thoughtful posts here.
I've given this all some thought over the weekend. I can't even describe what I've been feeling lately. It's like heat running up through the core of my body. It's a desire to completely disregard everyone's feelings around me and disappear for awhile. It's a desire to throw my computer into a wall. It's a desire to scream at the top of my lungs until I have no voice left. And yet I go about my days with my smile, occasionally venting, but mostly keeping it together, when really I just want to let loose on the world. It's a bit scary really. Maybe I should take up boxing.
Normally, I would address everyone's comments individually. I don't have the brain power for that right now. I'm sure you all understand. But I'm grateful for your input here. Thank you.
tall penguin -
Abandoned
It's a desire to completely disregard everyone's feelings around me and disappear for awhile.
I've done this. It doesn't make anything better. It only makes things worse.
It sounds like you need a break though. I hope you are able to take one. And remember, above everything else, it's TOTALLY OK to love yourself, pamper yourself, baby yourself, and demonstrate that you value your own health and sanity above everything else. That's the completely healthy form of selfish.
Good luck!
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tall penguin
Hey abandoned,
Ya, I think my desire to get away is to shield people from my anger. I'm afraid of their judgment, their rejection. I don't think people are used to seeing me angry.
It's funny, my brother has a Nintendo Wii system and I've been playing the boxing on there. My god, does it ever feel good to punch! I think a boxing class might be a good thing. My hand really feels the need to make contact with something and I'd prefer it not be someone's face. I'm going to look into this this week. There's a gym near me that offers classes.
tall penguin -
Abandoned
It's funny, my brother has a Nintendo Wii system and I've been playing the boxing on there. My god, does it ever feel good to punch! I think a boxing class might be a good thing.
Good luck. Maybe you'll learn moves that will help you protect yourself or someone else one day. Plus, the excercise has to be good for you. It definitely gets the endorphins flowing.