I may lose my wife because of Disfellowshipping

by freedomfighter 37 Replies latest jw experiences

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  jwfacts

  If I continue to live a lie, would I be able to forgive myself for having wasted my entire life just to please others?

  Hidden Window, this was the question I kept asking myself.

  In 1993 I saw The Age Of Innocence and that movie played in my mind for many years. Daniel Day Lewis chose to live the life he was expected by society to live rather than how he wanted to live. I found the scene at the end with him as an old man to be pitiful, and thought that is how I am going to be if I stay a JW - pathetic.
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  OUTLAW

  ..Just a reminder..The WBT$ receives profits from the "Sale of Tobacco!".. ...OUTLAW
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  justhuman

  I know how you feel. I'm in the same situation like you. I tried to keep my family together but I just couldn't. There is a year we are separated now.

  My wife turned me in for apostasy...yeah she loves WT more than me.I tried to show her that WT are a banch of false prophets that they care only for power over their followers. She wouldn't understand. or she didn't wanted to understand.

  You know what has WT become: A BIG CLUB

  That to be part of it you have to follow their stupid rules...they have their friends and partys, and pic nic, and their "spiritual" gatherings. They don't really care about the truth.

  When my wife she couldn't answer to my questions in many subjects regarding WT she was just closing the doors of her mind. Brain washed robots. That is what they are. We had a lot of arguments and shoutings after my desfellowshiped. I was a stranger in my house. She was telling me not to come early at home because she had party, and you know who are the guests..I had to live the house. I didn't wanted to do it but there was no way other way.

  Our first daughter got married, and I wasn't allowed to attend at the wedding. I have to small children 2 and 5 and it really hurts me to see them grow in that insanity of the WT. It is the most unhealthy inviroment for kids to grow. I know it from my self because I was raised as a JW. I'm trying to show them when I can that God is love, and is not a KILLER like WT thinks. I pray for them so God one day will open their minds. That is all I can do. I know my wife is guided by the 'elders' of this cult. They are telling her what to do in every single step of her life. I know that I don't have power over my children,and they are owned by the WT. I hate it so much. By I pray that Jesus love will overcome WT.

  It is hard for me at the age of 40 to start again. But I WILL NEVER GO BACK. It is madhouse there, and I will kill my self.

  Try to be close to your kids, and teach them the God of Love. In most cases our story leads to divorce. You just can a normal home with the WT in your ass. That is a fact.
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  dawg

  That was a kind reply Justhuman....

  I can offer no advice as I have no kids and I am not in your situation... all I have to say is to check the divorce laws in your country, make sure you can have equal or a lot of time as far as custody in case you get divorced.

  For me, if I had kids, I wouldn't want them in this cult... I'd make sure that they were exposed to what I beleived in equal amounts to what my wife believes. I think, I'd try and make sure for the kids sake they get to live the best lives they possibly could sans the fools at the WT and its controlling organization... in a kind way I'd share what I know about the org. with my kids and make damn sure they get an equal shareing of "food at the proper time" so they can live full lives.
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  hillbilly

  If your wife is a serious JW the elders will advise her (soon enough) to leave you on the grounds of spiritual abandonment. At that point she will seek a civil divorce.

  I was not active, nor DF or DA when mine did that to me. I had several talks with local elders hoping that they would talk some sense into her. They sidestepped the issue, wouldnt discuss what the WT said about the rules for spiritual endangerment or how they applied. Basically I was told they wouldnt speak with any of the members who helped her clean out the house and hid her for 7 months about their actions.

  The face to face explanation was she couldnt live in a divided house and feared for her faith. Her lawyer implied I'd done everything from beating her to shooting Lincon at the Ford Theater.

  I paid alimony, and half the assets to her to settle. Part of the assest were paid as a proissory note. At 6.5% simple interest. I thought Christians were not supposed to take interest on debts?

  This too will pass... hope you like roller coasters.

  ~Hill
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  freedomfighter

  Thanku all for your advice and personal experiences, these are much appreciated.

  Yes it is something that i must decide upon and then do it "all the way". I feel that she is putting her religion above our relationship. I can understand this because from a young age we were taught to "Put Jehovah first". Unfortunatlely, this means whatever the GB writes in the Watchtower is taken as undeniable Truth. If the Elders advised her to leave me, she would.

  I have decided that for the sake of my own sanity, i will not go back. However, i will try to be a good husband as best i can without making things more difficult for her. This is a fine line. If it does'nt work then so be it - i will know whether she loves me for who i am.

  It is very important in this life to be yourself.To be anything else is unhealthy.

  My son will get to see both sides of the coin ( An opportunity i didn't have). He is a smart little tiger and is quite capable of making his own decisions as he gets older. I will make sure he has a balanced upbringing.

  To all you guys and gals overseas - If you are ever visiting Australia, send me a message and we will meet in person. I will show you the sights and we can sit down over a cold beer and relate our experiences.

  FF
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  momzcrazy

  The elders in my old hall told me to leave my husband, I was in spiritual danger. I even met with a lawyer. In the end I knew I would miss him too much. And he is a good man. I was also raised in and was an elder's kid and pioneer. I'm glad I didn't listen. Hopefully you won't have to worry about it.

  I know you can do it. Make her and your son first in your life. I can tell you love them.

  Ever hear of Casey Chambers? I hear she's pretty big Down Under.

  momz
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  LoverOfTruth

  Two months is too soon to give up; this is a new situation for both of you.

  There are some couples who both eventually make it out. Others, like mine end up in divorce. I decided to wait until my two older children were in college before I left. My husband knew better than to talk down to me about not "being conscious of my spiritual needs" etc. He would lose the battle if he tried.

  I suggest trying to find some project or activity that interests you. Perhaps a bowling league or some other entertainment. I started attending estate auctions where I met many new friends. I also had a JW friend who regularly went out dancing and shopping with me.

  Whatever you do, don't isolateyourself. This leads to depression and suicidal thoughts. The world is a big and wonderful place to explore while your wife goes to meetings and slaves for the Watchtower.