The psychological effects of faking dubism

LtCmd.Lore

Well, I've known the truth about the witnesses for over two years. And I've been pretending to be one ever since. I'm sure most of us did that for a period of time, some longer than others.

I think it has changed my personality, especially since I've been a teenager the whole time.

Personally:

I've learned to hold my tongue, no matter how obsurd or offensive a remark is, I have to ignore it and even smile and/or say 'I agree'.

I've learned to detect bullcrap, every single Watchtower study and every single meeting has a whole PILE of errors, lies, duperies, and half-truths in it.

I've learned to lie, and I've gotten pretty good at it.

I've learned how to check information and do REAL research.

I've learned that everyone can have a dirty secret. Me for instance. Nobody would suspect that I'm an apostate, I go out in service, I give talks, the elders rely on ME to be a good influence on the other ones my age, I conduct studies and am basically the model JW teenager. Nobody would know, and they don't. Thus, I've learned not to trust anyone.

I've distanced myself mentally from my friends, at the moment, I don't have ANYONE offline that I would consider a close friend. Knowing that they are all going to shun me in a few months anyway, kind of makes me less inclined to get closer to anyone. And because of this I have learned to live without anyone to confide in. (aside from on the internet)

I've learned to hide my emotions.

I've learned how to keep secrets.

I've learned to seriously think about what I say before I say it.

So what do you think the effects are, either good or bad, for someone to live a lie for months or even years?

alt

Lore - W.W.S.D?

nvrgnbk

I think you nailed it pretty well.

WWSD?

That IS the question.

tula

Frankly, I think you are walking away with some very good traits and a lot more wisdom.

Who can tame the tongue? Well, you say you can hold your tongue even at offensive remarks...then you have certainly learned to be a lot more self-controlled and disciplined than most people.

I don't like the part about lying, though. But you are trapped at the moment and this is what you must do to keep the peace until you escape. It is a noble act of self defense. From your actions, you hold truth to be a priority and that is why you are leaving. With those principles, I don't see you as a "liar" as in making deceit a way of life. It is just for the short time left that you are being untrue to yourself.

I think you are taking some positive aspects and proving that some good things CAN come from bad circumstances.

Learning to do REAL research...you have broadened your horizons in spite of oppression. You have empowered yourself and your mental capabilities have expanded. You have shown growth in your mentality and reasoning skills.

There is a time to hide emotions and keep secrets. It is not always wise to wear your heart on your sleeve---for then, others know your vunerability. This trait will keep you cautious. And later own, you will have a wise skill of knowing when to reveal and how much. You will have greater perception of a true friend.

I would say you are walking away with a degree in psychology and a full suit of armour.

Khepri

Hi LtCmdr

monophonic

i believe you're surviving how you have to at the moment.....everyone's situation is different, but it took me a long time to fade as well, i think the thing i carry with me the most is the self-guilt for letting the brothers abuse me how they did over the years while keeping my mouth shut and agreeing. if i didn't do that, my life may be quite different, or may have ended in suicide b/c i was very fragile emotionally at the time and several friends had just killed themselves, but that wasn't taken into consideration b/c congregation gossip made me guilty until proven innocent and individual concern, aka, the lamb weeping in the corner from many tragedies never acknowledged, was not a concern. and had nothing to do with christian philosophy.

you gotta do what you gotta do. i think you'll realized the effect of the whole bs situation will affect you more than how you're currently coping with it.

big hug from california.

Sirona

Well you've done well.

You can PLAN your exit. That is great. You can make sure YOU decide when to leave and you can put things in place to make it as smooth as possible.

Sirona

serotonin_wraith

Lore,

I can see why you have to fake it at the moment, but how do things go when you have to try converting others? If you're working in pairs, and you have to fake a good presentation, don't you worry about those you talk to getting drawn in?

Maybe you've never had to worry about it because no one has shown any interest, but if any have, or taken the mags out of politeness, do you ever go back on your own to warn them?

purplesofa

I understand.

I am sorry you had to learn that at such a young age.

I really admire you.

purps

Satanus

Yup, you gotta do what you gotta do. One result may be that you won't trust anybody, afterwards. But, that may be a good thing. It's a common thing of spys and xspys. The downside is that a lack of trust can hold a person back in business and in personal social structures.

S

MadTiger

Sounds like your plan is going well.

Get out as soon as you can, as the psychic debts for the lies will be paid in some way.

The psychological effects of faking dubism

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