Time to tell my story...

by mind my own 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • mind my own
    mind my own

    Hello All:

    I joined a few weeks ago and have been adding my comments etc. When I first joined, I did say hello and say I was new and I have to just say I really appreciated your kind comments and you welcoming me to the site! I promised I would tell my story and so here goes: I hope this doesn't end up being too long winded!

    I was born into the "truth" as my parents were studying when I was born. They were both baptised when I was 1 year old, therefore I knew nothing but the religeon. I have to say I had an extremely unhappy childhood as my Mom was extremely abusive and my Dad was always just trying to manage her so it was a very confusing time for me growing up. I was beat on a regular basis as it seemed to be their answer for everything (I just HATED the whole "use the rod" scripture as you have no idea what that meant to me). I have hardly any fond memories of growing up. It was just a blur of service, meetings, harsh and cruel discipline, feeling very ostrasized etc. I honestly am still coming to terms with it and can hardly speak of my childhood...so I will move on, thanks for your understanding!

    One of my first teenage memories was a certain family study - I know that family study was supposed to be a time when families come together to discuss whatever matters pertain to the family and then go over the bookstudy for the week or watchtower, whatever (at least this is what was encouraged from the brothers giving the talks). However in my family it was used by my mom to nag us about what we were doing wrong and it was so degrading that it made the mood of the following study very bleak and discouraging. She would yell and scream and threaten us. I dreaded those family studies!! If we didn't show a certain level of enthusiasm and comment with insight and understanding she would go into one of her fits of yelling, rage and possibly worse. Anyhow, I was barely 12 years old when this particular study took place. It started with her attacking me saying, "you don't want to get baptised!". What? I hadn't really thought about it much to that point b/c I was just a kid and in no way was I ready. However, this wasn't going to be an easy discussion. She ranted and raved and the discussion deteriorated to the point where she and my dad actually said I would be kicked out of the house if I didn't take considering the step of baptism (and soon) very seriously. Well, nothing strikes fear into a kid than not having a place to live so voila, I suddenly determined I was ready to get baptised! My dad talked to the elders for me and they set up a meeting with me to go over the baptism questions. I was sincere and thought I was doing the right thing so obviously the elders seen this and they determined I was ready to be baptised. Honestly, in my heart of hearts, I knew I wasn't ready yet but I loved Jehovah and was very excited. The praise from my mom and dad didn't hurt either! I have to say this was one of my first moments of knowing things weren't right...couldn't Jehovah's holy spirit show the elders I was just a child and I wasn't ready for this? Apparently not.

    Fast forward to my later teen years. My last year of high school. I was in a work experience program with my school and I was doing admin type work for a very prestigeous oil and gas company. When my term was almost over, I was approached by one of the executives at this company and told I should apply for a certain FULL time position which they would put a good word in for me and I would most likely get. I was sooo excited! I remember thinking on my break I should call my mom and tell her. I was so nervous though. Why? Well, I called her and told her what I was told by my superiors at work and how happy I was to be considered in this way. Whoa. Wrong thing to say!! She went crazy and said I was expected to regular pioneer after I graduated and I would be kicked out if I didn't. She yelled and screamed and threatened. I was 17 years old at the time. I didn't know what to do. There was a certain young brother in my cong. at the time that she always compared me to and again said I should be like him and pioneer like him, how dare I embarass the family etc. etc. etc. I got home that night and she had worked my dad into a frenzy in the mean time and he backed her up. Pioneer or I'm out. Hence, I started pioneering.

    It was at this time I fell into a deep depression. I had obtained part time work and was pioneering. My whole life was work, service, personal study, service, service, service, service. I just couldn't take it any more. I was deeply, deeply depressed. I went to pioneer school and decided shortly after to just aux. pioneer. About this time I started to "stray" a little and began to make a few "worldly" friends at work etc. I started to see someone who wasn't a witness and we fooled around a little. We didn't ever sleep together but we were doing innapropriate things if you catch my drift...

    I'm going to stop here and post more shortly...thanks for understanding.

  • What-A-Coincidence
    What-A-Coincidence

    Welcome! Glad you are out of the MATRIX.

    ps: We should print out all these JWD "Stories" in a booklet and send them to Crooklyn...dem bastards!

  • return visitor
    return visitor

    Though I wasn't raised in the "truth" it didn't prevent me from having an abusive parent. I can certainly empathize with you. Look forward to hearing more.

    RV

  • quietlyleaving
    quietlyleaving

    mind my own

    abusive parenting the JW way - what a nightmare

    My whole life was work, service, personal study, service, service, service, service. I just couldn't take it any more

    me too

    hugs to you.

    ql

  • brinjen
    brinjen

    {{{{{{{mind my own}}}}}}}

    mom to nag us about what we were doing wrong and it was so degrading that it made the mood of the following study very bleak and discouraging. She would yell and scream and threaten us

    Your mom's behaviour sounds so much like my grandmother's.... I know how much it rips at your self confidence, and how difficult it can be when others don't understand that.

    Looking forward to reading the rest.

  • The-Borg
    The-Borg

    Mind My Own.

    Thanks for making the effort, interesting as always to hear peoples individual experiences, your story is sadly familiar. Glad you managed to escape and hope your recovery from this nightmare goes well. Looking forward to part 2.

    The-Borg.

  • mind my own
    mind my own

    Anyhow, I knew what I was doing was wrong and my conscience was bothering me so I went to the elders. They formed a JC and I told them everything. They were asking really gross, perverted questions which I thought was wrong b/c I had already told them pretty specifically what I had done. I was harshly reprimanded and told I wasn't showing a repentant attitude! Sick. After our meeting, they met for 1/2 hour or so to determine if I was repentant or not. I was told I was and that I would be privately reproved. The thing is, I did feel really bad b/c I knew logically what I had done was wrong. But I wasn't really that sorry. I felt guilt b/c I was going against what I was taught but honestly, I wasn't sorry. This was a defining moment for me b/c I knew if Jeh. holy spirit were there then he would have told the JC I wasn't repentant. My dad was an elder and they approached him and told him they were considering removing his privledges b/c of my living under his roof and guidance. I promptly moved out to save him.

    I didn't attend meetings regularily in my new cong. I was just drifting away. I told the elders I needed help but they didn't provide any help. My friends were abandoning me b/c I was falling away. This made me very angry b/c I had always been there for them through thick and thin and they just leave me when I needed them the most! Just for the record, I didn't do anything that was considered a disfellowshiping offense for 3 years after I left. I just left b/c it felt wrong and the hypocracy of the whole situation bothered me. There was no help when I needed it. My gut told me this was all wrong!!

    Fast forward to more recently. I have been out of the borg now for over 12 years. One of my bros has also left. My other bro is completely entrenched in the borg and my dad is no longer in the picture. I was always close with both of my bros b/c that was very important to me. I still talked to my mom even though I felt like I shouldn't talk to her b/c of my abusive childhood and her HYPOCRACY in the religeon. I met a wonderful man and became engaged. My mom was so happy for me as she loves my now husband. She threw me and engagement party and was so happy for me. 2 weeks before my wedding she called me and told me that the elders in her hall approached her hearing I was getting married and told her she shouldn't come to my wedding and she shouldn't be talking to me. And just like that, her and my brother were not coming and had realized that "all this time, they had been doing things wrong in talking to me" and that is it, just like that.

    I never considered myself an apostate before now. I didn't agree with things (after more than 10 years out you sure see things more clearly) but after this happened to me I can honestly say I am full of hate and anger at the whole situation. This is a VERY condensed version of my story as I could write for days every little detail. But I just wanted you all to know some of what brought me here today.

    Thank you for your time!

  • JK666
    JK666

    MMO,

    Thank you for sharing the story of your growing up in the "troof." I look forward to more of your story.

    Welcome to JWD!

    JK

  • brinjen
    brinjen
    2 weeks before my wedding she called me and told me that the elders in her hall approached her hearing I was getting married and told her she shouldn't come to my wedding and she shouldn't be talking to me. And just like that, her and my brother were not coming and had realized that "all this time, they had been doing things wrong in talking to me" and that is it, just like that.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us mind my own.

    Nvrgnbk usually post this line, I'm gonna jump in and beat him to it;

    Die, cult, die!

  • shell69
    shell69

    I't truely sorry that you are hurting this way.

    The religious bigots are just so cruel.

    Hug to you. You will heal, it will take time, but you will feel better.

    Shell

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