by forsharry 18 Replies latest jw experiences
I feel for you, I know all to well how you feel.
I have been in similar situations much to my embarrassment.
It's not fair since I didn't have a choice, that is why I choose to make it up for it now how ever I can, while I cannot recapture my lost childhood I can make the best of what I have now and be proud with who I have become.
We never forget what was done to us or we would only repeat the same mistakes in some form.
For me, I try to understand that my dad is a victim, too (although at times he makes this a very difficult belief). But... I try to know that he truly believes in this, and because he loves me he did what he thought was best to offer me eternal life. Never forget, but forgive knowing we all make mistakes (some are just stupider and bigger than others).
In the past, I have also found that being open about such things has helped me a lot. Using your example, I would choose to either not participate or , as your boss suggested, bring in a different picture. Either way is probably going to bring about questions. Be honest, tell people. I was always surprised at the number of people who felt outraged on my behalf, and it always made it easier for me to let some of my own anger go to know that it wasn't just me being silly or wrong. It made me feel better to know that other people saw the wrongness of it and made it easier to accept that my anger was actually justified, and for me it made it easier for me to forgive. Maybe I'm just weird that way, though, I don't know.
Anywho, those are my thoughts. I hope they are helpful to you and you get through this to be a stronger person with, perhaps, a little less anger to carry around hidden inside in the long run.
Jackie
yeah it totaly sucks that we don't have those memories.. we weren't allowed them... just know you are not alone...
thanks...all of these are good ideas. I'll definitely look into the anti-witness angle. Otherwise I was just going to bring in what assembly pictures I had (and I looked soo happy! ;)
It's not good to know that you all know what i'm going through. (I wish none of us have had to deal with these things in our rather short lives here.) It's a hurtful thing, but it is nice to know that I'm not alone in going through these little 'episodes' for lack of a better word.
I mean I've been out of the organization for a long while now, but there's not a day that doesn't go by that I'm not reminded, don't remember, think back to it kind of thing. I mean there's a huge part of me that no one can ever really know or understand because they didn't live in that kind of environment. (I know you all have that part of you that is truly...alone...in there somewhere...) I mean heck, even my husband...he doesn't understand that part of me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just moving through some kind of conditioning that I've slapped together to get along in this world because truly I have no concept of how to truly integrate myself into it. And I usually do great until something comes along and reminds me just how aberrant my formative years were.
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I've stopped writing to get some work done and have finally had a chance to look back at what I've written here. Woah.
I'm doing okay. I'm going to look through some of my pictures (I don't have all that many childhood pictures actually.) Honestly? I have nothing of my childhood save for a handful of photos that my worldly associates from school gave to me. My parents have all of the things belonging to my childhood.
That said...I guess I'll find some hideous picture on google and photoshop my face onto the girl. :) Update at 11. I'll be disqualified, I'm sure but it'll be a conversation starter as to why I don't have a prom-picture. the Ultimate anti-witness!
That is one of those things you can never go back and redo unfortunately. It sucks. I was so jealous of some of the other kids getting to do those things because their parents weren't STRONG in the truth like mine were. Hang in there. Pretend to have school spirit. Wear your high school colors and buy little pom poms or something and fake it. No one will ever know. I hope you can find a good assembly pic. At least yours will stand out. (((((((HUGS))))))
I can totally relate to what you're saying and I feel the same way often.
Now if you're going to Photoshop, you might as well do it up all the way. Here are some pics for you to put your face in. lol
I can totally understand the way you feel. I raised my two boys as JWs. Just like a good little witness should, I never let my kids play sports, attend "worldly" parties, all the things you mentioned. You can't imagine how guilty I feel having taken those years away from them. Not letting them be like normal kids. I cannot get those years back (they are both grown) but I have told them both how sorry I am. I have no memories of their birthdays, Christmas, etc. Their dad would always take them to his family's at those times. So, so sad.
I just found this site recently and I am so happy I did. I now don't feel alone like I did. Thanks to all!!
I like the photo shop idea...you can put yourself with a hunk
I don't have pictures like that either.
lisa
added..here's some good ones...pick a girl and put your face on her. 
or for something a little more subdued:
Those practice pictures are funny. I once had a job as a limo driver... I had no clue about prom's but learned pretty quick after picking up so many kids for their proms. Internally I was sad about it because they seemed to be normal and I was abnormal. I do understand how you feel Sherrie.
Take care
samiam2b
