Elders' wives and elders' kids - any different from the RnF?

by Inquisitor 28 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Inquisitor

  Elder's wives - the general impression of them in my congregation is that they are not to be messed with. EWs are all smiles in front of guests but brutally unaccomodating to more familiar brothers and sisters. They put much effort in making "good" comments at the meetings, with the occasional veiled insult directed at certain individuals (I suppose this is the only outlet for a lady in Jehovah's patriarchy). Of course, few have seen that a sick elder sometimes cannot find a willing replacement, or that other elders may have nitpicked at a fellow elder and his family. These factors make elder's wives bitter I guess.

  Elder's kids - My cong tends to assume that they know all the leaked secrets about the cong. Funny how the gossipers tend to make that assumption rather loudly when the elders' kids really know nothing. They must know that these kids make easyscapegoats when in actual fact they are real channels of information. Another presumption is that elders' kids have a measure of immunity. I think this latter one is true.

  INQ
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  blondie

  I was an elder's wife for several years and I did not follow the path many elder's wives seemed to follow after many years of no husband and close scrutiny. Some abused their "power" through their husbands. Others did not. Those who chose not to were made targets by the others and harassed into imitating them or getting their husbands to quit.

  There are 2 sides to every story.

  Blondie (ex-elder's wife)
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  horrible life

  Another presumption is that elders' kids have a measure of immunity.

  I was questioned more times than I can remember. I was even called upon the carpet, for not getting along with my ex best friend. I had spies everywhere, who would tell if I passed gas in the wrong place. I couldn't get away with anything.

  My mom, as mean to me as any demon you could imagine, would leave the meeting crying because somebody said something mean to her.
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  icyestrm

  The elders wives in my old congregation knew all the decisions of that were made in the elders meetings
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  changeling

  I've been both. In my experience, people expect more of an elders' family than of others. You feel you have to live up to the role for the sake of your dad or husband. People are always looking for any "chink in the armor". It puts a great deal of pressure on you.

  changeling
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  Inquisitor

  Yes, what you say is true, Blondie. There are pleasant elder's wives in my congregation too. But because these are few and they don't do much to attract attention, I guess people don't often think of them being a part of that demographic.

  Of course, what I was trying to say is that you have your (1) nasty elder's wife who was born to play dog-eat-dog politics. And you have the (2)elder's wife who becomes cold and nasty due to factors that completely escapes the rest of the congregation. What you mentioned could possibly be counted as EW category (3), the elder's wife who strives to behave like any other RnF.

  INQ
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  Inquisitor

  The elders wives in my old congregation knew all the decisions of that were made in the elders meetings - icyestrm

  Have they ever attempted to alter some decisions? INQ
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  zeroday

  Being the computer geek that I am I found a brother that had developed a computer program for entering your field service time and all info into your computer and then printing it all out at the end of the month in a standard size society field service slip. Well imagine my suprise when the Elder secretary's wife came up to me at a meeting and asked how I did this. My first thought was how did you know and who are you to know what the pub's time and activity are.
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  Inquisitor

  You feel you have to live up to the role for the sake of your dad or husband. - changeling

  I've been threatened with the potential loss of my Dad's position for stirring too much independent thinking in the congregation. It's a difficult situation to be in. Speak up for facts and reason? Or give in to the interests of your family? And the elders always approach my Dad, not me. Respect for his Headship they say.

  I've said time and time again to my folks: What's this business about respecting Headship and not confronting me directly? I'm an adult. When the Pharisees questioned the parents of the healed blind beggar, did his parents not tell the Pharisees to question their ADULT SON?? - John 9: 19-23. Perhaps it is more fortuitous for my Dad that I'm not personally confronted by the elders. They would have used every last trick in the book to destroy me if they knew how serious a threat I am to their faith.

  INQ
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  Effervescent

  I was questioned more times than I can remember. I was even called upon the carpet, for not getting along with my ex best friend. I had spies everywhere, who would tell if I passed gas in the wrong place. I couldn't get away with anything.

  This was my experience too. We were hauled on the carpet for the stupidest stuff. My brother was privately reproved at a young age for calling our step Mother a Bitch in a private squabble. Which she was, and deserved to be called worse. I was brough before a JC and reproved for something my best friend did and I had no part in.

  It all depends on the Elder. My Dad was just as concerned with appearances as the next Elder, but it represented as a need for perfection in his own family and discipline being handed out at the smallest show of weakness.

  My step Mom, I think she did get off on the elders wife thing, but she was pretty much reviled in our congregation and had no friends. They all knew that we were being abused and everyone shook their heads over it but no one said a word.

  Oh for a normal childhood- if I had a therapist, I'd be putting their kids through college!