Newbies - Give us your stories....

by AK - Jeff 58 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Quandry

  So, I was disfellowshipped for an offense that was later determined not to be an offense. At first, I felt vindicated and joyful. After thinking about it longer, I began to feel more anger and resentment. They cut me off from my friends and family and my whole world and made me suffer. And they were wrong. And now they know that they were wrong. And I was right. Those elders are still around. They've never tried to contact me and reconcile this.

  Chad,

  So you were called to come to a meeting to discuss one thing, even asked unnecessarily voyeuristic questions, but then they began to ask deeply intimate, personal questions to you with your wife present about your sex practices. Then they df'd you when you told the truth.

  This is the prime example of men that are so above others that there is no aspect of a person's life that is off limits to them. Even the contents of your thoughts. They want you to feel dirty and unworthy and unwanted.

  The thing that is infuriating, of course, is that they changed the ruling on the sex practices that please God, but do they feel that you were treated unfairly? No, of course not. Too bad. Ruined your life? Oh, well, just get over it.

  Glad you are now with us.
• 

  eclipse

  Sorry to hijack this thread...bear with me for a few moments...

  VanillaMocha,

  Your mom is of the annointed, and she read CoC? Sorry for repeating what you wrote, just couldn't believe my eyes....that is very interesting, You must share your story one day...I would love to read it.

  Welcome to all the new readers now posting! It is wonderful to know that more and more people are coming out...waking up and taking back their power and their own minds again.

  I am so glad you all are here, and I look forward to reading all of your posts.
• 

  aligot ripounsous

  If you want a newbie's report it's now or never, in 1 or 2 days it'll be too late.

  Nothing special with me, I'm still a JW, inactive, accompanying my wife to the TS and service meeting when she wishes to, which is not always. I want the whole family (wife and teen son and daughter) to attend the WE meeting in order to hear a Bible based talk and keep informed about new WT topics (daughter loves drawing on mags too) , sit comfortably, have a rest and reflect but, as I told the 2 elders who came to pay me a sheperding call one month ago, I consider it as a routine practice, the way I would do in christendom, since I don't view myself as a militant JW anymore.

  Told them that preaching one hour a month or nothing was the same so I would do just as well not to preach at all. Why so ? they asked. I said that the message we preach is plainly monstruous : there are, according to demographic charts, about 600 millions babies and infants under age 4 in the world at the moment, not even Molech did require such a slaughter to "vindicate" his sovereignty. Jehovah simply can't be that sort of god. In addition, His justice will keep Him from destroying poverty by means of destroying the poor. Surprisingly, there was no hostile reaction on the part of the 2 elders and we found that we agreed (I guess that that the older one regretted having brought the younger one along, though). In the end, I told them that I prefer to keep silent and rely on Jehovah's justice since, as the CO had warned me last year, any discourse different from the official one would be apostate.

  I keep silent during meetings and don't attend the book study anymore, so as not to weaken the brothers' faith with stray comments (was priviledged with a warning talk from the platform about dangers of free speech) . So, why are you staying in, you might rightly ask ? Because if I DA or be DFed (I might be, though, if I'm too vocal), my wife will be in a ghetto, her JW friends won't visit her at home anylonger. Second, I've not found any alternative satisfactory religion yet , but I'm open to offers. Mind, it'll have to be satisfactory ! Conclusion, life is full of contradictions which we have to assume.

  Apart from that, the kids have long since understood that I leave them total freedom to choose. Since I got baptized past 30, they have plenty of time to reflect. Besides, all their friends are out of the congregation) . That's all, folks !
• 

  keyser soze

  My story isn't very interesting so I'll try to keep it short. I was born and raised a JW. I'm still technically considered JW, since I haven't been DF'd or DA'd. I'm trying to avoid that since all my family is still in. I began having serious doubts about the "truth" around the mid-90's. The main issue was the inconsistency in their saying salvation was a free gift, while all the while putting so much emphasis on works. I began to have more and more doubts over time, but I always managed to put them out of my mind. Eventually they just became too great to ignore. Then one day in a used bookstore, I came across a book called "The Watchtower Files", which was a compilation of WT articles which showed all their hypocrisy, false prophecies and cover-ups.I started thinking about the scripture in Deut 18:20-22 about false prophets. So ultimately it was the society's own words that convinced me it wasn't the truth. I haven't been to a meeting since then. Then in another book about JWs, I don't recall which one, I found out about this website. I lurked for almost a year before I finally decided to post. This website didn't convince me to leave, as that decision had already been made. But learning all the things I have, and reading about all your experiences has served as further validation.
• 

  nameless_one

  I have been lurking here for a long time, and this is my first (and probably last) post. I am not a JW, but someone I love is. For several years I have been trying very carefully and delicately to help this person get out. There has been progress but it is very slow.
  
  I have learned so much from the people here and the stories I've read. To those of you who share your stories and your histories here: You help countless "silent" people, maybe more than you know. That's really the only reason I posted in this thread, to say thank you for that :-)
• 

  nvrgnbk

  Thank you nameless_one.

  That keeps us going.
• 

  poppers

  Wow, it's great to see how people are opening up here - it's an important and crucial step in finding freedom. Each of your stories has an incalculable impact on others who are needlessly holding on to fear. Bravo to you all who are being courageous, and for those who continue to view without posting, keep coming back.
• 

  turnerc

  I was disfellowshipped 10 years ago and have gone through times of not wanting to even thinking about my life as a JW and other times of getting very angry etc. Lots of ups and downs!

  I was brought as a JW in a very spiritually strong family (I was third generation). My dad was (and still is) an elder so our family had an example to set in a fairly small congregation. I have to say that growing up the whole thing never felt quite right but I always thought it was my fault. As I got older I led a bit of a double life - behaving like the real me when I was at school and being the good christian elders daughter elsewhere. I realise now that wanting a boyfriend and wanting to be able to socialise with your friends outside of school are perfectly natural things and are not a sin. I still have some feelings of resentment for the way I was made to feel when I was "caught out" a few times. I never ever want to make my daughter feel that way.

  I didn't have any inclination to get baptised but knew it would be expected at some point. I also knew that my only prospects in life were really to get married and have babies (I did want to have children) or otherwise be single and be expected to pioneer etc. If I wasn't baptised I wasn't going to be good marriage material!! After some pressure from my mum I got baptised at 15. Sadly I hoped that I would come up out of that water and suddenly feel the rush of love for Jehovah that had been missing but...........nothing!! I so wanted to do the right thing and feel the right thing but it never happened.

  I took a liking to the son of a family who were friends with mine in a nearby congregation at the age of 16. He was 8 years older than and some disapproved but my rebellious side meant this made me all the more determined that it would happen and it would work. He was very shy and we didn't have much in common but started seeing each other. We got engaged when I was 17 and married when I was 18. We had hardly spent any time alone prior to getting married and I had gone straight from home to suddenly sharing my life with a man in my own house - this was quite a big shock! We did get on and had some good times but a lot of our time was spent with other people (either on FS, at meetings, at my parents, with his family or socialising with JW friends). All these things don't necessarily make for a good solid marriage, along with my doubts about the whole "truth" thing it was all a bit doomed really.

  We'd been married for 2 years when I became friendly with a man at work. I found myself telling him how I really felt about the religion and life and we became close (not physically). I felt guilty about this closeness with another man and decided I should tell my husband. The first thing he did, without discussing it with me, was go to my parents to tell them. I had my mother calling me at work to tell me how silly I was being and my dad wanting to have "chats" with me. I felt suffocated and quite betrayed by my husband. I thought a husband and wife were supposed to sort things out between themselves - I should have realised this is not possible in the JW world. Things changed for me then, both with regards to the religion and my husband. I carried on the best I could but refused to do any presenting in the FS and wouldn't answer at the meetings. In many ways I felt I had done something very wrong and therefore didn't want to be a hypocrite pretending I was a good christian. I was quite hurt when my husband told me that my dad had asked if anything had happened between this other man and myself. When my husband told him no but that I did have feelings for him my dad apparently said, "it's not feelings we're concerned about only actions and spiritual health". My own father not concerned about my feelings?!

  My husband agreed to try for a baby (at the suggestion of my mother) as I had always wanted this from the start of our marriage but he had kept putting it off. We tried but I never became pregnant and became more upset and confused. I carried on for nearly a year. There was a man at work who I chatted to a lot and he was interested in my life. I found I could open up my feelings to him and be honest. I gradually told him I was a JW and after a while admitted my doubts about the religion. We had discussion and debates about the beliefs and I began to realise it was okay and actually natural to question. I fell deeply in love with this man and 3 months later left my husband and the religion for good. The weeks following that were very very hard. I had feelings of guilt mixed with a tremendous feeling of freedom. I saw my husband a few times and he was very upset. I saw my dad once and he was in tears. My mother was angry towards me and said some hurtful things. My sister and her husband visited me and told me that if I didn't go back they would probably be the only ones that would keep in touch. I was disfellowshipped and then didn't see anyone from my family or so called friends. 2 months later I became pregnant with our daughter but I didn't see any of my family throughout my pregnancy.

  I do see my mum and dad now but I think that it because of my daughter but I go with it until they try to force any issues. I have never seen my sister since the day she visited just after I left. I've seen my brother twice and each time he has tried to convince me to return.

  It is now 10 years down the line and the man I left to be with is still by my side and I am still very much in love with him. He has been a real strength for me and helped me become a much stronger person. We are very very happy and our daughter will be 9 soon.

  Soemtimes things still hurt and they always will do but I don't regret a thing.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Thank you to manhasbecomelikeoneofus for sharing your story.

  Great advice:
  "get the hell out now! your silence is aiding and supporting an evil, soul
  sucking cult which destroys lives and kills/maims children."
• 

  Chad M

  Thank you so much, turnerc, for your moving story. I can relate very much to the pain of estrangement from family. But I agree entirely that you should have no regrets. I believe you did the best thing, even though some might rush to judgment about your having left your husband. From your description of events, it sounds to me like your first marriage was too strongly linked to JWs. I applaud your decision and the outcome.