What happened to you, to not to "feel the love" from the "friends"?

by swirlgirl 19 Replies latest jw experiences

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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  So many stories, so little time.

  My husband walked out on me the day I returned from a convention. My 13 year old daughter went with him, I was told to forget about her because she didn't love Jehovah. I was not working and had a 20 year old car that ran when it wanted to. I was having serious health problems and had to find a job that wouldn't interfere with meetings. My disabled son had to be placed in a special foster home an hour and a half away because I could not even bathe him by myself. That left me with a 10 year old son that I couldn't even get anyone to study with because it was my responsibility as a parent not theirs (an elder told me this). When I finally did find someone to study with my son I had to put a stop to it because he came home crying from the browbeating he received from the brother's wife more than once.

  I did receive some initial assistance from my closest friend and her husband financially. Within 3 weeks of the separation I had to move out of my rented house. No one offered any help except one sister who slipped me a little cash. It was a few weeks before school started and I didn't even have school clothes for my son. not one person offered to help me even get to the grocery store. I felt like I was a burden when I asked for rides to the meetings. Lots of excuses were made.

  The help I got from the elders was being drug to the back and counseled on the fact that I missed meetings when I moved.One elder told me he felt like I was being harrassed.

  No one ever offered me a ride to work except the worldly people I hardly knew. No asked if we had food to eat or offered child care for my son except the worldly people I hardly knew.

  No one offered assistance to go see my disabled son who was an hour and a half away.

  EXCEPT THE WORLDLY PEOPLE THAT I HARDLY KNEW.

  This is what I got from the loving brotherhood:

  "You are so strong and you've had so many problems,I can't believe you haven't

  fallen out of the truth. Satan really wants you."

  What I can't believe is that a year later when I did leave I blamed myself

  and went back for more a decade later.
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  swirlgirl

  I remembered some more: I always liked to wear alot of bracelets and wore then to the KH...I gave a talk...and after a "sister" commented that "in some countries., please would cut your hand off for those bracelets!?" I was flabbergasted...how horrible to think of such a thing, much less make a comment on it~!

  When I was DF'ed (I was re-instated in 2000, then DA'ed myself in 2004) the presiding elder made the comment to me at my hearing "you have wickedness in your heart".....within the month he was DF'ed for adultery...married, had lovely sweet wife and two well behaved young boy and girl....with a "sister" in our same hall, whom husband had just been made an MS. He was a "newbie" having married her and not being a JW. His children from a prior marriage were just starting to get interested in coming to the hall with them when he had visititation weekends.. Needless to say, that put an end to their being interested when their step mom "stepped" out on their dad....Now whom had "wickedness in their heart".....heard was going on for about 6 months. This going on when he told me that!! What balls!!..

  And how a thin pioneer, would always talk about weight....when I was overweight. Also about all the places they visited and traveled and the new antiques they bought....when I was a single mom and could never travel or buy antiques like that.....also the accomplishments of her children...when she knew I had a mentally ill son...

  I know I will remember more....
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  Missanna

  there are many of those experiences... All the gossip and talking behind other's backs i heard when i was out in service with all the other pioneers, One "sister" actually asked me to not associate with one of my friends because she wasn't baptized.

  one of the most hurtful experiences of my life was when i went to the elders about me being sexually mellested by my brother and no comfort was given. it was all about them wanting to know the facts and of course they showed me scriptures talking about god being there for me but not one "i'm so sorry this happened" If you read my story you know that not only did they not atempt to give me any comfort for what i went through they tried to cover their asses by warning us against going to the police. i think that was when i really realized there is no REAL love among that organization. it's all a show. It's sick ,that's all, Just plain sick.
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  lonelysheep

  When I was pregnant with my second child, my study conductor gasped like I told her I killed her mother or something. Having a child and not waiting for Jahova's new and improved system was the true sign of an unbeliever.

  My last year in and a month before I began reading this site all the time, my study conductor in that congregation was talking to me after the Sunday meeting. Another girl came over to talk to her about her (the girl's) high school graduation party that was taking place that afternoon. (Party? Why's there a party I didn't know about?) After the girl walked away, my conductor told me the ENTIRE congregation was invited. EVERYBODY!! I wasn't! Why? I was unbaptized and married to an "unbeliever" who was not wanting anything to do with any religion. I'll never ever forget the shitty, unwanted feeling I felt that day. Here, I busted my ass to get my two babies dressed and made them sit through the meeting, and everyone was enjoying time together afterwards that I wasn't 'entitled' to. Low life sob's.
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  greendawn

  It never ceased to amaze me how a faith that claimed the only "True Christian Love" could be so cold.

  That is the crux of the matter they are obviously not what they claim to be since love is the hallmark of the true christian religion. Numerous people here including myself expressed the same sentiment that the JWs are a very cold and unloving society. At the end of the day it is a business masquerading as a religion so it's not surprising that there is no brotherly love among them.
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  38 Years

  I've experienced and seen so many examples of injustices, I can't even remember them all. Plus, you are supposed to put up with your brothers and sisters so you don't stumble them!
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  zack

  You cannot "enfore" love. What the WTS does is enforce "conformity" which is in now way, shape, or form related to love. What hurts the most is that the reason most people become JW's is that they long for God's justice and mercy and really believe they have found it with the JW's. All are sorely dissappointed. Others, after realizing there is no true love, just develop an aloofness and distance and get close to no one. This is a religion based on survival, and survival is not loving--- mercy and self sacrifice are. This is an evil religion.
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  LongHairGal

  There were many things that happened, but the biggest one of all would have to be the attitude in general towards single women in the congregation. When I realized that all they wanted was favors and money I made myself scarce. I would be damned if I would be jack-assing around for these ingrates when I work for a living. Some of these people are women who never worked a day in their life. I did occasionally help people but I made sure it was not a con artist or a spoiled older woman.

  I had absolutely no use for people who looked upon younger single women as drudges to do favors for people. Do these people actually feel that it is a single person's "job" to be a self-sacrificing idiot? They should be punished for their unfeeling, selfish, unchristian attitude, as far as I am concerned. I know somebody whose kindness was abused until they finally had enough. They have no regard for how hard the life of a single working woman is. All they care about is how they can use and abuse her.

  There were also other situations I would find myself in like it was some kind of trap. It is hard to explain, but it is almost as if they were looking for a sucker and they expected you to volunteer. Then you'd see me bail out.

  LHG
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  flipper

  Any of us who have been in a position like ministerial servant or elder(I was a ms for 6 years) have definitely felt a lack of love when you quit being a servant. You are looked at as regressing in the org. and obviously going through some kind of spiritual weakness. All of a sudden, elder friends you had, pioneers, other ministerial servants treat you like you have rat poison or something, feeling they'll get the creeping scabies if they associate with you. Funny, I kind of felt I'd catch something from them too if I hung out with them, it's called arrogance
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  Metamorphosis

  You are looked at as regressing in the org. and obviously going through some kind of spiritual weakness.

  I can definately relate to that. My email to the PO stated I wished to step down for personal reasons I needed to deal with.

  the announcement to the cong was '{John Doe} ((WITHOUT the 'Brother')) has decided he doesn't want to be a ministerial servant'

  After that it was almost like 50% of the hall were afraid to talk with me. Quick greetings sometimes but never conversation.

  Though I will give props to one elder who did take me out to lunch just to talk - not about anything in particular - I think he actually wanted to make sure my life was OK. So I won't lump all JW's into one pot (we were too guilty of doing that w/ 'worldly people') but i think the overall instruction they get does make alot of them back off anybody who doesn't fit a certain mold.